Real Housewives Of (Insert City Here) Are In Fact As Fake As Bruce Jenner’s Face


I’ve been making some rounds on the expansive internet. Without trying to toot my horn too much I would like to direct any readers that I’ve still maintained after a 4 month hiatus to a couple website where I’ve been exposing my skills as a writer.

I’ve written three articles for a new up and coming website called “Joe Crazy.com”. The website is trying to model itself after other websites like “Cracked.com” or “CollegeHumor.com“. While it’s going through its growing pains I would recommend you guys check it out for a laugh or two… or at least to read my stuff.

Check out these articles at www.joecrazy.com: Moustaches Trying Too Hard To Be CoolTop 5 Questions To Ask Before Getting Your Tattoo and 10 Celebrities Who’ve Cheated Death (So Far).

Lastly, I wrote a bit for a website called TVStoreOnline.com about my all time favorite comedy: Tommy Boy. It’s pretty good (I think) as I dish about my love for Chris Farley and his best movie by far. Check it out here: A Look At Tommy Boy: A Movie You Need To See Again. 

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Several years ago, in an effort for the Bravo Network to stay in the ever growing competitive market of reality television and to feed off the success of Desperate Housewives on NBC and The Hills or Jersey Shore on MTV they created what could very well be the most damning evidence as to why terrorists want all of us dead: The Real Housewives of Orange County. 

I would throw that orange away. It looks spoiled.

Let me say first that I didn’t (and still don’t) watch this show religiously and I probably would never had watched it if it wasn’t for my wife.  The show targets women, but more often than not the men in their lives are trapped on the couch next to them where they’re forced to continually throw up in their mouth over and over again.

Unfortunately, the orginal show was a hit. So some greedy network executive decided to make more. Out sprouted New York City, Atlanta, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Miami and Washington D.C.

What’s next? I dunno… Antartica maybe?

In the vein of all reality shows it follows around individuals who just happen to make “great television” by living their lives as they normally do.  In this instance, these individuals happen to be “housewives” living very affluent lifestyles with nothing better to do with their time than spend their husbands/sugar daddies/ex-husbands/boyfriends money.  Hilarity, drama, and “real life” bullshit ensue.

A typical storyline could be this: “30-year old Gretchen stays at home to attend a party while her 80-year old fiancé travels out of the state to get treatment on his leukemia.  From his hospital bed he buys her a new 10 carat diamond engagement ring.  And a motorcycle.  And a new car.  And a bracelet.  And a small to scale replica of the golden gate bridge carved from the femur bone of fossilized mammoth.”

Oh, how much she loves him! So she calls him and tells him with tears rolling down her cheeks in front of several Bravo cameras held by staff members urging her to cry just a little bit more.

"Oh whoops! I misplaced your medicine with hydrochloric acid!! Sorry!! You'll be fine. I want a new Porsche."

Or this:  “Top heavy Kim’s sugar daddy only known as ‘Big Papa’, buys an 8 carat diamond engagement ring and proposes to her gigantically disgusting breasts despite the fact he’s still married with children.  At a party showing off her ring, everyone is too busy looking at Kim’s boobs to notice her ring.  Other  housewives are disgusted and talk about Kim behind her back while they pick delicacies like chocolate covered bald eagle embryo and sour stem cell candy from their bowls made from the skulls of orphan children.”

"Me? Why yes... I am a skank"

What’s even more disturbing is what the producers of this show deem what a “housewife” is. Most of them on the show aren’t even married and some don’t have kids!  A more appropriate title might be “The Most Spoiled, Money Grubbing Chicks Without Souls On The Planet.”

Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of this abomination is that it creates role models out of these women who really have nothing to offer but saline enhancements, catty bickering and dependence on material things. The last thing I want is my daughter growing up thinking it’s no big deal for her to suck the final pennies from a dying man in order for her to “love” him and, to add insult to injury, televise her ploy for the whole world to smirk at and call a skank.  Or even worse, grow up to be a beautiful woman hell bent on destroying the marriage of a man with children and parade herself as the “other woman” in his life whom he’ll leave his family for one day.

Are we sure these are the people we need to be giving a reality show to?

With the media having you believe that a housewife can be nothing more than a cheap, made up, cheating floozy who can barely raise her Chihuahuas… then we’re headed towards our demise faster than anyone anticipated.

14 responses to “Real Housewives Of (Insert City Here) Are In Fact As Fake As Bruce Jenner’s Face

  1. I’m just gonna say it, first, your are dead on. Second, and no disrespect to anyone who watches this garbage, is there nothing better to do with one’s time/life than to view this cat vomit?

    The mere fact that not only one show but over half dozen on these shows exists is straightforward evidence that we are all going to hell and that God almighty needs to bring the apocalypse, like today.

    I have never seen more than 30 seconds of any of these shows and I’m still living and breathing. Bravo is the National Enquirer of cable TV and has never produced one thing which has advanced the common good for humanity, ever.

    Thank you and I’ll shut up now.

  2. Pingback: Real Housewives Of (Insert City Here) Are In Fact As Fake As Bruce … | Daily Reality Dose

  3. Funny the sportsman and I were just talking about this yesterday. Well about reality tv .
    About how it would feel to have a camera/crew in your face 24/7.
    I just don’t think I could do it. Money or not

  4. While I agree that RHoOC (which debuted before The Hills and Jersey Shore) and the Real Housewives series in general are certainly not quality television, I disagree that Bravo is the National Enquirer of cable TV. I think this title is more apt for MTV. Their programs, such as 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, and The Real World, are more negatively influential to youth than any programming on Bravo, in my opinion. MTV’s target audience is 12-24 (ish) vs. the Bravo target demographic of 25-55 (ish). Ultimately, MTV is steering their viewers during arguably the most impressionable time in one’s life.

    MTV started the reality show phenomenon with The Real World in 1992. Back then, the show was focused more on individuals from different backgrounds learning from and interacting with each other. TRW did break down some barriers and stereotypes in a positive manner (see Pedro from season 3) before it became all about sex and booze. However, since then, reality TV has evolved to be more about shock value and each cast member getting his/her 15 minutes of fame. (This fame is perpetuated by sleazy publications, such as Us Weekly, In Touch, OK! Magazine, among others, and the accompanying popular internet sites, including TMZ, Perez Hilton, etc.).

    Side note – networks are making tons of money off of reality TV programming because it’s so cheap to produce without having to pay high salaries of actors, writers, directors, etc. While the cast and crew do get a decent paycheck, it doesn’t amount to the millions needed to produce a 1-hour drama or a sitcom.

    I’m certainly not saying that I’m above this reality TV craze. There are quite a few TV shows that I would consider some of my guiltier pleasures, such as American Idol, Big Brother, Bethenny Ever After, etc. And, I am a long-time (and somewhat proud) subscriber to Us Weekly, and I dutifully watch TMZ almost every evening. I am simply arguing that the message delivered by MTV is far more toxic to society and its children.

    • Hi Nicole… thanks for commenting

      I think both MTV and Bravo are the same poison for different demographics. While one may be for younger people while the other is for older… they both feed our need to enjoy other peoples misfortune or mindless blather about stupid crap.

      I too am not above watching some of these shows either… but I do enjoy bashing them. :)

  5. CHRIS, one of your best EVER! Especially the description of what they eat…so true.

    As a mom with two daughters, I could not agree more. I want them to be more than pretty faces or implants who can land a rich man. I cannot stomach that show, I just can’t. I get so angry at the television I fear I might pull a hulk and throw it out one day. I want to slap all of them.

  6. Well, hey Chris..way to go. BAsh ‘em and thrash ‘em. Just one more reason to be glad we don’t own a TV…even your castoffs!

  7. Reality shows will always be made because they are far cheaper to make. We will always have rubberneckers who want their share of train wrecks and dead bodies. Sorry that they can’t get on with their lives…the rubberneckers and the housewives, that is.

  8. Nothing on the planet is as fake as Bruce Jenner’s face, unless maybe it’s his step-daughters’ boobs!

    UP

  9. Have enjoyed reading your blog. Found it by chance. Hope you’re going to continue posting.

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