The Great Black Taco


I have a penchant for Mexican food.  In fact… I love it.  It’s my favorite type of food.

Tacos – I love to munch their crunch

Burritos – Yummy in my tummy

Tamales – Too sexy for their corn husk

Chips and salsa – Gift from the gods

Chimichangas – fried burrito anyone?  I’ll take two!

Sopapillas – fried bread + sugar = recipe for awesomeness

Enchildas – I’m literally so hungry thinking about enchiladas I have created one with the intense power of my mind right here in front of me… I didn’t know I could do that.  I’ll have to use that later.

Anyway… when a commercial for a new Taco Bell black taco flashed on the TV my ears perked up like a hyena when it hears a rotten antelope laying there waiting to be devoured (just go with it).  This taco was like a normal Taco Bell taco… yet black.  How fascinating!  I was immediately drawn in.  I came to find out from further watching the commercial that, instead of regular yellow processed cheese, they use white processed cheese.  Then to add to the total mind explosion they add some sort of pepper jack cheese sauce.  I’m telling you… I could hardly wait to wrap my mouth around this new sinister looking black taco.

Happiness in a crispy shell… or is it?

I rolled into Taco Bell the other day to try this evil version of the more innocent looking (and suddenly boring) golden taco.  I ordered three along with several packets of their fire sauce.

I didn’t want to wait to get back to the office to consume them so I pulled into a parking space and tore into the first one.

It really didn’t taste that much different than a regular taco.  I was disappointed.  I felt as though the excitement portrayed in the commercial for this incredible, new Mexican invention that transcended time and space was fake

A black taco that tastes like a regular taco!  What’s so cool about that?  It’s just black?  All it does is leave black residue between your teeth and an empty feeling in your heart.

I felt gypped.

Who comes up with this stuff? 

It was at that moment that I realized I succumbed to some modern day witchcraft called “marketing”.  How could I have been so stupid?

I drove out of my normal roaming area to actually spend my hard earned money on this  evil black taco that tasted just like a regular golden and more spiritual golden taco.

I started thinking this wasn’t the first time Taco Bell had drawn me in with their witchcraft/marketing.  They used to have this thing called a double-decker taco that was essentially a bean burrito with a taco slapped inside of it!  They also used to have a cheesy beef burrito that was practically a regular beef burrito except it had so much more cheese!

I placed the other two black tacos inside my stomach never to bother me again and drove back to work ashamed that Taco Bell had drawn me in once again.  It took contributing my hard earned cash to the witches cauldron before I realized the fault of my ways.  There’s not much I can do now… just move on.

Taco Bell… fast food establishment or witchcraft factory?  You decide.

Beware the black tacos in your life my friend.  Before you know it… it may be too late.  Heed my warning and beware.  I beg you.

Did I mention I’m in marketing?

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7 responses to “The Great Black Taco

  1. Marketing really is 50% witchcraft, at least!

  2. Thanks for your review of the new ‘black taco’. I too love Mexican food and while I do not frequent Taco Bell (I think their meat tastes fake, but that’s another issue…) I was about to get sucked in by their black taco ad campaign. In fact, today being pay day, I may have even gone by at lunch. Now I will save my 89 cents plus tax and put it towards even better Mexican food like Taco Bueno!

    • chriskoenig4324

      Hey Kristi! Thanks for reading. I do not frequent Taco Bell at all but this black taco thing got me all excited apparantly. I too frequent Taco Bueno all the time. I get a black bean burrito, regular taco and bean burrito for a grand total of $3.98… makes for a cheap (and somewhat healthier) lunch when I do eat out.

  3. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    Hey, how does a hyena “hear” a rotten antelope? Never mind, I don’t need to know.

    I thought it was a black taco because the shell is one of those blue corn tortillas. In which case, it certainly wouldn’t taste any different.
    Sucker!

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