Resolutions Resolutions Resolutions

Before I talk about any New Year’s resolutions… I want to amend for a post I made on my Facebook, Twitter and MySpace pages promising a picture of myself in a bikini if prosepctive readers clicked the link to my blog.  It was a ploy to attract readers.  For those of you who thought you were going to see me in a bikini and were dissapointed… here you go:

Okay… now that that’s over with… let’s get to the resolutions…


First of all… I used to be in really good shape. 

When I was in high school and playing baseball regularly… I used to run around my parents wheat field (approx 2 miles) one, two and sometimes three times.  Mind you, this was always in either freshly tilled soil or hard, lumpy, dirt cloddy soil where a twisted ankle was beckoning me on every stride.  I used to run this course while listening to either the “Rocky” or “Mortal Kombat” movie soundtracks.

When I was in college I completed the “Body for Life” program and effectively created mass hysteria in my fraternity when everyone started to discover my pectoral muscles were generally larger than most of their girlfriends.  I ate nothing out of enjoyment… but for the purpose of getting huge.  This meant eating A LOT of protein and drinking horrible shakes with the consistency of thick maple syrup.

You have your tickets?  To the gun show…

Not that long ago… I was probably the strongest I ever was when I could bench press 275 lbs consistently at 10 reps each time…. maxing out at about 405 lbs.  I competed in a strong man competition shortly after that and placed 4th (out of 12).  I had to flip a 620 lb tire four times, carry 2-120lb kegs 50 yards apiece, do a farmers carry for 100 yards with two 175 lb torpedo looking objects and push a wheelbarrow loaded with concrete around and obstacle course in limited time.

Nearly pooping my pants while flipping a tire

I was a force.

Now… I have a beer belly (even though I don’t drink that much beer anymore), I get winded easily, I drink WAY to much caffeine, I eat horribly and I’m bored in my workouts when I do get a chance to go to the gym.  Don’t let the way I look fool you… I’m out of shape.

So for this reason I have created “Six-Pack Saturday” (SPS).  SPS is going to be my way of keeping myself honest and I need you (5) readers to keep me accountable. 

I have been working out since I was about 12 years old… but I have never had an actual six-pack.  I’ve been able to get huge and buff… but was always lacking in the six-pack department.  This was usually the result of drinking too much beer or eating too much McDonalds, Arbys, Taco Bueno, Taco Bell, Taco Stop, Taco Tico, Taco Unlimited, Taco This, Taco That, Taco’s Here There and Everywhere.  Fast food is the devil.

Every other Saturday (starting next Saturday), I will post a picture of myself currently… along with my goal picture.  Now… I ain’t gay or nothin’… but I certainly wouldn’t mind looking like Ryan Reynolds.

Dude has got the six-pack goin’ on.

I gotta ways to go… maybe I’ll get a tan too…

Now that I’m beyond the point of really feeling like I need to get huge… I would rather be slim and wiry and look ready to fight Wolverine.  I think at that point I would be ready to get my full body tattoo (just kidding mom).

Feel free to offer me words of encouragement or tell me how fat my gut is… whatever you feel at the time.  My stomach, along with my legs, are the two hardest things for me to work out.  I’m using this forum as a way to help motivate me to get the desired stomach that I want.  If I have to embarrass myself a little to get there… then I guess it’ll be worth it.

Perhaps “Skinny Legs Sunday” will be next.

I do have a couple other sub-resolutions that aren’t quite taking the precedence the six-pack stomach chiseled from the side of Mount Olympus is… but still important to me nonetheless.

I really want to get my readership up on this blog to a solid 200-300 hits a day and a good 10+ comments per post.  Now… these are good hits and good comments.  Not hits from people who googled “fat santa” or comments from some spammer trying to sell the newest Styrofoam loveseat.  While feeling like I’m worth something in the blogosphere isn’t really the reason why I blog… it certainly doesn’t hurt to get reassured that some people are out there reading and enjoying what I put a decent amount of my time and effort into.

Also… if we can get DLG potty trained by December 31, 2010… that would be an accomplishment.  We checked out some books from the library on the subject.  Some are informative books for us and the others are picture books for us to read to her.  I can’t help but feel a little weird reading the picture books with the continued reference to “pee-pee” and “poo-poo”… it just sounds so silly!  But I guess it wouldn’t be appropriate to say something like, “Oh, what a good job you did crapping in the potty!” or “Did you just take a shit?”  She’ll learn those references in middle school soon enough.


4 responses to “Resolutions Resolutions Resolutions

  1. Couple of points to hit in this one:
    1. Wasn’t the Mortal Combat Soundtrack AWESOME?!
    2. I wholly support you getting a tan.
    3. I like the names of your work out days. They made me giggle. (Which is good for your abs.)
    4. Potty training…..:::sigh::… I support books for her to read about it, there are also potty dolls that you can show her how her toys used the potty (yes, we had one), and I’m a big fan of “potty treats”. We used Annie’s organic gummy bunnies – one for “little poops” (pee), and two for “big poops” (obvious). Usually she’ll get the big poops before the little ones down in the toilet. We also had potty chairs in different rooms of the house so she didn’t have to go far to get to the toilet. At first. One in the living room, one in the bedroom, one in the kitchen, you get the idea. That way, she’s used to seeing them around as well. Otherwise, you gotta let her be naked a lot (at least from the waist down). Leg warmers are good for this, because it keeps her legs warm, while keeping her butt bare for using the potty in a hurry. Here’s the big thing about potty training: if she’s not ready, just put the diapers back on and try again later. Happily reward her going in the potty with positive reinforcement and treats, and kindly ignore when she doesn’t make it. It’s really hard not to get pissed (no pun intended) the 5th time she pees on the floor (or couch). But traumatizing makes it take longer.

    OK, I didn’t mean to write that much about potty training. (It takes MONTHS). What I meant to say is: good resolutions, Chris! Good luck with it all!

  2. I guess that if you and I are working out everyday together and I do half of what you do, I’ll reap awesome rewards as well. Ok, I guess I’m tired of being a disgusting fat-body myself. Here’s to a slimmer 2010!

  3. Pingback: Book Review: Once Upon A Potty « Hands To War

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