You may remember the last resolution I had on my resolutions post. It was to have Daddy’s Little Girl potty trained by 12/31/2010. DLG is my first kid… so I didn’t know what to expect as far as reading material went. When Bunny said she was going to check out some books at the library I thought she meant for us to read… not “story time” books to read to her. Nonetheless, my diligent wife went to the library and checked out a couple books we could start reading to DLG and get the ball rolling on this thing.
I came home from work that evening and got greeted by the usual happy, smiling laughing, little girl who is DLG. She quickly made me aware of her new books that her and mommy had checked out of the library. This made me happy because I get tired of reading the same books for her over and over and over and over again. A couple of new books at bedtime would be a welcome relief from “Goodnight Moon”, “Curious George Goes To A Toystore” and “No, David!”
After changing into my comfortable clothes, she approached me with the first book and thus began my first experience with children’s books on potty training.
It seemed innocent looking enough. The first thing I noticed was that this book said “girl” on it. There obviously is another book made exclusively for boys.
I continued on reading to DLG in “daddy talk”, i.e. overemphasizing words, raising and lowering my voice quickly, etc.
Allow me to read you an excerpt from page three:
“Just like you, Prudence has a body, and this body has many nice and useful parts:
A head for thinking
Eyes for seeing
Ears for hearing
A mouth to talk and eat with
Hands for playing
A pee-pee for making Wee-Wee
Legs for walking and running…”
AND THEN YOU TURN TO PAGE FOUR:
Perhaps it’s because I’m not a child psychologist that makes me want to laugh hysterically, cover my kids eyes and want to puke all at the same time.
But… I guess to a 18-month old… this is all new to them… and it makes a lightbulb go off in their head or something.
So I continued reading to her. Other pages made me giggle/cringe/throw up in my mouth:
Since when did pottys look like tea pitchers? And when did kid poop start looking like fake dog poop?
YAAAAAYYYY!! Good job!! Except that’s mommy’s tea pitcher and not the potty. Go to your room.
So my virgin eyes have now been exposed to the world of children’s books on potty training. If you read my blog, you probably know I’m not the most censored person. I enjoy talking about just about anything. But when it comes to pooping… that’s where I draw the line. I don’t like to look at it, smell it or come in close proximity of it. This makes it remarkable that I enjoy being a daddy so much because much of the first six months involves nothing but poop! Remarkably… the one thing that concerned me the most before she was born was having to change poopy diapers… a fear I would gladly replace with all the other fears that infiltrate my mind these days. But… part of being a daddy is pushing your boundaries, learning what you’re made of, learning a lot about yourself and having to bite the bullet and change a poopy diaper now and then.
If reading books to DLG about pooping with cartoon pictures of poop and bung-holes in it will eventually get her on that potty and get me out of having to change her poopy diapers… then I guess I gotta do what I gotta do.