My Buddy


There are few things in life more rewarding than developing a good friendship and staying in contact with that friend until the two of you can barely see each other over your colostomy bags.

I have a buddy who’s like that.  This buddy has always been there for me from the moment we met somewhere between high school and college and we’ve been inseparable ever since. 

I’d never grown tired of my buddy until my wife told me that she was annoyed by how much time I was spending with my buddy.  She would sometimes spot me fondling my buddy while we watched TV or biting my buddy or laughing over breakfast with my buddy or scratching my buddy’s dry bald head.

She’d slap my hand and say “Cut that out!  That’s disgusting!”

I say, “WE HAVE A STRANGE RELATIONSHIP BUT WE’RE COMFORTABLE WITH IT AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT… OKAY!!”

This is a picture of me and my buddy:

Yeah… my buddy is a wart… what’s your point?

This little wart buddy of mine is (I’m assuming) a male wart judging by it’s pale color, stiff nature, deep voice and penchant for telling crass jokes.  So… I named him Clark.

Ha ha!  That Clark tells some pretty good jokes!

What my wife doesn’t know was that before we were together… I raised Clark from the moment he first became apparent on my arm and he kept me company in times where I had no one to talk to.  Now… just because I have a great life with a beautiful daughter, a beautiful wife, good friends and a good job doesn’t mean I’m going to go to a wart specialist and get Clark removed and pretend like he was never there! 

He’s been with me for many of my more memorable moments…

Like when DLG was born… there he is! Right there!  Under my watch!

Or when Bunny and I discovered a chicken nugget that looked like a heart at this wedding we were at!  He and I laughed about that for days!

Or most recently when we rang in the New Year and the new decade together!

 

Now this is before Clark was ever in my life.  I could have used a buddy then.

We even got to take a tour of the Boulevard Brewery in Kansas City!  It’s our favorite!

Clark had this real funny idea for DLG and I to put on moustaches… it turned out really funny.  We didn’t have a small enough moustache for him or he would have been in this picture too.

Real friends don’t forget their buddies.

One of mine just happens to be a  hideous, flakey wart named Clark who has a fantastic personality.  Deal with it.

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11 responses to “My Buddy

  1. Yep. You’re insane.

  2. Chris, omg stop, too funny

  3. I said to myself as I started reading “theirs no way I’m gonna laugh at this” then I seen the no wart picture. Hahaha sorry I did laugh!

  4. WOW you really can see Clark protruding in the “NEW YEAR” picture…
    PS Did Clark tell you to make that face?

  5. I am SO relieved. Until the first picture I thought you were talking about a totally different – ummm- location- on your person.

    • Holy crap… Aunt Louise… THAT THOUGHT NEVER EVEN OCCURED TO ME! Seriously…. I had a good laugh realizing how it did probably sound like that…

  6. I’m taking Bunny’s side. It’s gross, get rid of it. I’ve had moles my WHOLE life I would get rid of if I could (when I can). You just have to not bond with the disgusting things on your body, Chris. But it doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself. 😀 Just make friends with something more attractive on your body. I’m sure Bunny will help you find something. 😉

  7. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    This is quite possibly the silliest thing you have ever written. But…I laughed. Incidentally, that picture of you circa 1990-something? Get rid of it. Geez.

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