The “New” Virginity


Recently, there was a show on VH1 called “The New Virginity”.  It started by documenting the small fraction of young Hollywood personalities that still cling to their virginity and incorporated the push in America by certain religious groups to pledge to save themselves until marriage.

I know that this hour long “semi-documentary” really tried to stay un-biased towards either side… but I felt a twinge of mockery towards those who really try and dedicate themselves to their future spouse.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about virginity.

“It’s unnatural!” he would say.  “You’re going completely against biology!  If you look at history of man… we’ve been having premarital sex since we were cavemen.”

My answer to him:

“I’d like to see those being the final words coming out of the mouth of the dude that steals my daughter’s virginity away from right before I cave his face in with a sledge-hammer.”

I don’t buy it.

Call me Christian.  Call me a daughter’s father.  Tell me I’m living in a world that doesn’t exist!

Well… I’d have to agree with you then.

Yes, I am a Christian.  Yes, I am a protective father to a beautiful one year old daughter who will grow up one day and her daddy won’t know how to deal with it.  And yes, I’m living in a world that doesn’t exist because quite frankly… our world makes it almost impossible to grow up with any ideals.

What I’ll sadly admit to is that I was not a virgin when I married Bunny.  The true consequences of these actions are not truly comprehended unless I really sit and ponder the effect it does have on you as a married couple.

We have a wonderful marriage full of love, fun and laughter lightly sprinkled with the healthy argument or disagreement from time to time.  We went into marriage knowing about each others pasts as we were not inclined to hide it from each other… but I’d be lying if I didn’t say the stains of past trysts didn’t have an effect.  It’s not crippling.  It’s not like I can’t function.  But it is there.

Our culture has created an environment where activities saved better for the marital bedroom are openly accepted outside the vows of marriage.  Mainstream media i.e. movies, television, magazines and the internet feed us a constant stream of “Do what feels good now… deal with the consequences later!”

I don’t want to sound high and mighty like I’m without fault… because I’m guilty as charged.  In my 30 years I’ve done things I fully regret and hurt people I never wanted to hurt.

But having a child… having a perfectly innocent child completely unaware of the world around her and willing to do nothing more than to just love you unconditionally with no ulterior motives… makes you explore your own heart.

Allow me to quote the greatest man who ever walked the Earth: “Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever received one child such as this in my name received me.”

You don’t have to believe in heaven.  You don’t have to believe in God.  But Jesus was real… and he said that!  And I’m inclined to believe him.

If you believe that Jesus was a good man who was full of nothing but love and did great things while he was on this Earth then you must be inclined to believe this math deduced from his quote above: love = children.

Children are an awesome creation.  Whether you want to believe they were put here through the magic of billions of years of circumstance… or the imprint of more intelligent creator… it’s hard to argue they are the purest form of love on the planet.

If we want to start curing the world of its pestilence… shouldn’t we start looking towards our children for the answers on love rather than what some movie director’s interpretation of it is?

Our children are going to be the adults of tomorrow.  I know DLG’s ideals are going to set like hard concrete at some point and I’m just going to be able to sit back and hope I did a good job raising her and infusing her with ideals that will benefit her greatly in the game of life.  Just standing idly by and “seeing what happens”… ain’t kosher to me.

After all this… I know one thing… when I walk her down that isle on her wedding day… I want her to know what that white dress means.  And I don’t want to have to clean brains off my sledge-hammer either.

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10 responses to “The “New” Virginity

  1. Funny how I was just contemplating along these lines last night. I am sad that your friend thinks that way. Going against the flow is never easy but there are plenty of people who are walking up those aisles these days with clean consciences and pure hearts. Don’t give up on those ideals! They are NOT unrealistic!

  2. that saddly is the world we live in, but i will say from all i’ve read (and everyone who reads your blog) knows that u have great values and you will certainly instill them in DLG and she will grow up knowing love and what it means to wear white on her wedding day. to great parents, parenting skills and have a moral compass.. cheers!

  3. Uh oh. You found one of my soapboxes.
    OK, here’s the thing that people are missing. You don’t have to be religious to have respect for yourself, your body, and what it’s capable of. Even after I left the church I was raised in, I kept the view that my body was sacred, special, and not something to share lightly. That it should be an honor to whoever you were with, regardless of whether you were married or not. And something even more important, is that regardless of religion, again, something no one can deny is that our bodies are made to create life. And unless you want to create a life with someone, you shouldn’t do what creates life with them (sex). I’ve known people who have used pills and condoms and STILL gotten pregnant. And as I fully support a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body (and I’m not going to take her rights away to do so), I strongly feel that abortion should NOT be used as a form of birth control. Anyways, I feel that if people understood or respected their bodies a little more, they would not use sex as just a form of pleasure, but understand that the pleasure is a great benefit to sharing your body and soul with someone worthy of them.
    So, in short, regardless of religious beliefs, I agree with you about the virginity thing, and I don’t want to clean brains off my sledgehammer either.

    • chriskoenig4324

      While my post did have an underlying religious message… I tried to make it “too churchy”. But… I simply can’t deny the fact that I still believe you’re body should be saved for the bonds of marriage… even though I was not a practicer of my belief (something which I will eternally regret). I’m happy you somewhat agree with my stance even though we may come at it from different angles. As with abortion… that’s a whole differnt animal in and of itself I can’t even begin to expound my opinion on in this one reply!

      Anyway… seriously… thanks for reading and commenting Erin. It really means alot. And I mean it. Really. I mean it. Alot.

  4. I love this entry. Have you heard of Christopher West? Check him out, seriously. He rocks. Also, for when DLG becomes a little bit older DLG, you (and Bunny) should read Alice VonHildebrand’s “Letter to a Young Girl”–Google it and it’ll come up. She does a lovely job of explaining the purity of a young woman and why it ought to be saved for marriage. Don’t ask me about the purity of a young boy–I’ve no idea how My Darling’s tackling that one with the Pickle just yet, but I know he’ll find some amazing resources when it’s time.

    It takes a lot of guts for a man to say what you said. Kudos to you for being a great dad, and a great example to other guys. 🙂

  5. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    Have you been reading “Theology Of the Body for Beginners” behind my back? Hmmm? Laurazim apparently knows all about this (Christopher West is the author). THIS is my big soapbox too. As if you didn’t know.

    • I TOTALLY know about TOTB!! In fact–Christopher West will be speaking (twice) in our diocese in February….and I may have a volunteer opportunity! 🙂

    • Actually, no… I haven’t. I have actually been READING though… does that count? I totally intend to read TOTB… some day… I promise

  6. great post, Chris!

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