Five Facial Hair Styles Bunny Never Wants To See Again

So a quick note: JOIN MY FANROLL!!! Seriously people… get yourself some traffic and use your creative genius to send me something cool!

Also… for those of you who’ve been asking about “The Hangover: Pre-Papa K Style (Part 2)”… you’ll just have to be patient (read Part 1 here).  It’s coming.  I promise.


I get bored with one look pretty fast… so consequently I’m always trying these different facial hair styles.  These are the ones that Bunny hated… and I have to agree… they did kind of make me look like a douchebag.  I’m going to count down from the “least douchebaggy” to the “most douchebaggy”.  Also, if you sport these facial hair styles, it doesn’t mean you look like a douchebag… it just means you much be much cooler than me… which is pretty hard to do.

5.  The Chin Strap

This is me with my much more tan brother (and a large mug of apple juice).  I’m actually pretty partial to this look and I don’t know why.  It’s really hard to keep up with it and make sure it’s even all around your jawline.  Maybe I liked it because I liked Smash Mouth when they were still around.

Steve Harwell… Smash Mouth lead singer and chin strap beard wearer extraordinaire.

4.  The goatee (with moustache):

This look is just an example of me trying TOO HARD to look like Colin Farrell:


For whatever reason… my moustache hair doesn’t grow out very thick or very dark.  Also the thin line connecting my ‘stache to my chin pubes… isn’t very strong either.  So, I wind up looking like a complete douchebag.

3.  The unkempt:


This is where I throw all caution to the wind and say “Screw this… I’m not shaving for several weeks and I’ll just see what happens!”  The result is Grizzly Adams:

Alright… maybe not quite… but it’s certainly on its way.

2.  The goatee (without moustache):

Okay.  So I’m beyond looking like a douchebag right here (if that’s even possible).  I’ve now moved to “Chode” status (Mom… Chode is a derogatory slang word for Moron).  Why I felt the need to  look like this… I have no idea.  I also look slightly bloated like and if you pricked my face with a safety pin I might just explode like a helium balloon.

I guess I could always dye it like I did in college:

Yes… I was even a douchebag in college.  Wanna read about me burning the crap out of my chin trying to look cool?  Click here.

1.  The pirate and/or porn star beard:

Let me just say something… I never grew this for public consumption.  I would never wear this in the midst of unfamiliar people for fear of being eviscerated.  The only reason I grew it was because I was on a two week hiatus between jobs and wanted to freak Bunny out.  I succeeded.  When she walked in the door and saw me for the first time, I said, “ARRRRGG… I want me some of that booty.”  She then kicked me in the face.

So… let’s review.  Esentially… no facial hair looks good on me.  What should I try to grow next? 






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4 responses to “Five Facial Hair Styles Bunny Never Wants To See Again

  1. dude i can’t judge any one who can grow facial hair. mines too light and blond for anyone to notice that i haven’t shaved in 2 weeks… sigh. hahah give the mutton chops a try like the ones that grown to the jaw line and almost to your chin ahahha. cheers!

  2. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    That #3 is undoubtedly the WORST picture I have ever seen of you…and you aren’t even trying to look stupid!

    The less facial hair the better is all I can say. And, btw, I love your hair now (the ones on your head I mean).

  3. Oh Chris. Oh…Chris. I have to agree with Mom on this one and say that #3 is the worst possible picture of you. And WTF? THAT’S all that happened when you didn’t shave for SEVERAL WEEKS? That’s just sad, is what it is.

    I have to agree with Mandal (haha! Never thought you’d hear me say THAT, didja buddy?) and suggest mutton chops, on account of that area of your face appears to be the only part capable of growing hair with any degree of fullness.

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