Don’t Lie… You Think Farts Are Funny


As they say, “Everyone Poops” and likewise… everyone farts as well.  I’m sure in the old days when Grace Kelly got into her limo after partying with the Prince of Monaco; she breathed a sigh of relief because she had been holding it in way too long.  Then she would relax and her cheeks would flap together like a clapping seal.

Grace Kelly: movie starlet, princess of Monaco and abashed flatualator

I know that some people have been married for years and have never ever passed gas in front of the other.  I personally don’t agree with this stance.  Let it go!  Hey… it’s life!  Laugh about it!  It’s funny!  What is your posterior saying?  Is it letting out a forceful and firm “HELLO” or is it saying “Ugh… why did you mix sushi and ice tea again?”

Like my fascination with boobies there is this strange 4th grade mentality I have with flatulence.  There are obviously times where the toot is inappropriate i.e. funerals, those sad moments in the movie where the lead dies, baptisms, child-birth, presidential addresses, “adult time”, right before you hike a football, etc.

My dad used to raise his voice when he felt a toot coming on in an effort to cover up the noise but wound up just sounding even sillier.  Hell… he didn’t even have to be saying anything at the time.  I could be talking and he would just yell “WHAT!” or “SHOOBY DO WOP!” right in the middle of my sentence then go back to listening to me like nothing had happened.  Usually, this threw me off and I completely forgot what I was talking about.

Bunny and I just had a pretty serious talk about my poots.  She wants me to make a conscious effort to stifle any award-winning charge I feel rocketing through my lower intestine.  After our mini-intervention on this subject… I felt like I probably needed to sew it up a little tighter.  Which I now have done.

One thing I have noticed since this happened… the house just doesn’t seem to have the same joy in once had. 

I got DLG hooked on the whoopie cushion though… so not all hope is lost.

Laughter once again returns to our house…

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5 responses to “Don’t Lie… You Think Farts Are Funny

  1. I might agree with the Mrs. on this one…and I find A LOT of things funny.

  2. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    Fat lot you know about childbirth, kiddo. THAT’S the one time a woman will let one (or many) go and not give a hoot ….or a toot, as the case may be. Think about it. Duh.

    Anyway, glad Bunny set you straight. It’s good to practice some stifling now and then.

  3. My husband and I both sighed (or rather tooted) an air of relief when it was finally “ok” to fart around each other.

    I remember it like it was yesterday….

    We were, uh, (air-quotes here) “co-habitating” at the time (8 years ago and blissfully unaware of God’s plan for me, pre-Catholic). And by co-habitating, I mean we had met two weeks earlier and immediately knew we were “The One” for each other and we promptly shacked-up. (Yes, I knew *everything* in my early 20’s.)

    One morning, lying in bed, I was so relaxed I forgot to hold it in until either he or I got up and I let one rip. He rolled over and looked at me all funny. Then he sighed and said, “Oh! We can do that now! That’s great!” He promptly ripped one of the longest flatulent preludes I have ever heard. Then he kissed me and told me he felt much better. He had been holding that in each morning until he got in the car to drive to work.

    Now of course, we all fart all the time. The whole family. I grew up holding my farts in ALL the time, at home, at school, at work as I got older. I am a little less, um, “stuck-up” since my husband has intorduced me to “letting it all go”.

    Of course now I am so comfortable with it, I sometimes (ok, often) do let one go at inappropriate times, like during Mass, etc. I blame my husband.

    Oh, and as a midiwfe, I can tell you there’s lots o’ farting and toots (and sometimes poo) going on with childbirth. It just happens.

  4. Auntie Louise

    Check out the kids book The Gas We Pass by the same author as Everybody Poops

  5. Whoopie cushions are fabulous because you get all the fun of the noise with none of the gut-rotting smell.

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