Social Networking Will Kill Us All

I’m trying to become famous here. How famous you ask? I guess about as famous as I can get while being a father/trophy-husband/son/friend/guy-with-a-life.

I don’t know what EXACTLY I want to get out of this blog. I can say with reckless abandon that “I don’t care how many people read my stuff. I do this for me as an outlet to pour my creative juices into for a little bit each day.” To a certain extent this is true… buuuuuuuuuuuuuut… it’s not entirely accurate.

I’ve always liked being acknowledged thus I always dreamed of becoming an actor… but then life got in the way.

After my dreams of talking with David Letterman on The Late Show about my latest flick were replaced with dreams of raising my daughter to be filled with nothing short of my unending love… I still craved some sort of recognition.

I think I would have proved a more valuable interview…

Even if it was in my mind.

I’ve always had a good imagination. When I was 18… I mean 8… I can remember setting up entire battle sequences with my sisters stuffed animals she’d indebted to me to keep safe while she went away to college. As I punched her large stuffed bear named “Beau” in his (rapidly deteriorating) fluffy neck… I imagined I was in an epic battle with some vicious animal from the netherworld.

That would be me, our family cat and Beau… right before I kicked him in the groin and then roundhouse kicked him in the temple

I used to be gone for hours traveling around the 300-acre farmland we had with my BB gun shooting trashed glass bottles. These glass bottles would represent my enemies… and each one I eliminated meant I was that much closer to “rescuing” Jill: my elementary school crush at the time who obviously had no idea what I would go through to rescue her from such evil empty Coke bottles.

While my battles with evil Coke bottles and innocent stuffed animals are long gone… they’ve been replaced with the all more real battle of trying to figure out “what the hell am I doing with my life?”

My imagination still rolls on.

These days, I imagine getting “discovered” i.e. Lorne Michaels magically reads my blog among the 10 million other things he’s doing and wants me to write some sketches for SNL. Or I could get featured on some “mega-blog” and start experiencing a paradigm shift in the number of readers who visit my site. Or I could actually get paid to do this crap!?

Lorne… first of all… what kind of name is “Lorne” and uh… I’m available

I realize this doesn’t EVER happen on accident… but rather, with hard work, marketing and perhaps a little luck. I know what I have to do. I have to visit other blogs, socially network myself like hell (Facebook, MySpace, Twitter… I got ‘em all), join other networking forums (Dad Blogs, Hub Pages, etc.) and maybe even spend some cash for advertising or making my site a little more “flashy”.

Which brings me to a question: “How do I have time to do all this?”

Quick answer for you: “I don’t really”.

Uh-oh… Here comes the catch.

So, I have these ideas (they’re free!):

Follow me on Twitter and catch up with all my random quips throughout the day that prove I’m really completely uninteresting. I more than likely will follow you as well.

– If you’re not a freak… you can ask me to be your friend on Facebook with the notion that you’re a reader of mine and I’ll accept you.

– If you’re still on the archaic social networking site known as “MySpace” you can find me there too… but not very often.

Visit my Blogroll. There are some great blogs there that I read continually that would love to see some traffic directed their way from my site.

Visit my Fanroll. If you have a blog, business or just want to see yourself on the internet the you could feature yourself in my fanroll… just read how to do so by clicking this sentence that’s underlined in blue.

– If you’ve never made a comment before… THEN MAKE ONE ON THIS POST! Seriously… I have tracking software and a guy named “Brutus” who’ll shatter your kneecaps if you don’t.

Did I mention he’s a tranny…

– If you’ve made a comment before… THEN MAKE ONE AGAIN! I’ve never made it over 25 comments (and some of those were mine) so why don’t we get it over 40… that would be awesome.

Okay… I’m officially done begging.

Help my imagination become reality (and inflate my ego)… and I’ll help you do whatever you need help with (within reason). I’m serious. Just let me know. It’s a big bloggy world out there… and we could ALL use a little help now and then.


30 responses to “Social Networking Will Kill Us All

  1. I’m first! I’m first! WoooHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

    Also, in the interest of complete truth in blogdom and also because I’m your sister and I have to correct you when you are wrong…

    That was NOT our “family” cat, Chris. That was MY cat. Do you even remember his name? Remember when you threw him off the 2nd story balcony? Just to see if he would bounce, presumably. You little freak.

    • chriskoenig4324

      Well… I stand corrected… my bad. Of course I remember Eddies (who was actually a girl cat) name. And I was blissfully unaware that I would cause him (I mean “her”) any harm by dropping her off the 2nd story balcony. My 5 or 6 year old mind had no concept of what I was doing… seriously. I was just trying to get her to stay outside with me. I knew he couldn’t run back in the house before I closed the sliding glass door if I dropped him off the balcony. Perhaps I should write a post about it to clear the air so everyone doesn’t think I abuse animals for no reason.

  2. Hey ya goober!

    That bear you roundhoused was, I think, the prize possession of my BFF from Red River…was it not?

    You are too funny!

    Consider yourself adulated!!!!

  3. *I* believe you got your writing & story telling ability from your Mother……… you agree???
    I love your laid back style……..and your wit is refreshing. Love reading your stories !

  4. Honestly, I think FB is killing blogs. Seems the attention span of the average FB groupie is as long as a short status update. Anything of any substance and their brains cannot compute what you are trying to say. They merely glance at more words than is allotted FB status and they melt in overwhelm status. Seriously.

    Now tell your sister she has to go back to blogging…FB does NOT cut it.

    • chriskoenig4324

      Sissy does need to get back to blogging. She’s the whole reason I got hooked on this crap anyway! Seriously… thanks for reading Joanne.

    • Excellent thoughts, Joanne. I hadn’t considered FB that way, but I totally see it now! But why should I go back to blogging when I can simply communicate with my readers in my brother’s comments? Bwahahahahaaaaa!!!

  5. You have officially requested to be spammed to death. I hope that even a 1/4 of the people that take you up on your insane invitation are legit and not out to sell some cheap version of the snuggie called the SLANKET (blanket with sleeves- I saw it in SkyMall). If you dig yourself out of obscurity let me be in your posse. I will serve no value, but will have been there before you were bigtime and thus am one of the only ones to be trusted.

  6. Hey. I read. I comment. I even try to make you laugh when I comment sometimes.

    But dude….I don’t think any of us are going to get to quit our day jobs and get famous off of blogging. I mean, I *guess* it *could* happen. But seriously. Um, no.

    But that shouldn’t stop you from putting all yer crap out there for us to read. It’s damn entertaining. What else would I do with myself while waiting for mu nursing toddler to fall asleep??

    • chriskoenig4324

      Thanks MamaMidwife… I seriously appreciate it. And you DO MAKE me laugh in your comments (especially in response to my “fart” blog). BTW… I don’t think I’ll get famous blogging per se… but when I said getting “paid” I meant for writing… not just blogging. Nothin’ wrong with a pipe dream though.

  7. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    I’ve been away. Rollin’ on down the highway. I am glad to be home now, reading your blog. It’s true though…I don’t think you’re going to get famous off blogging. Besides, it takes too dang much time…which you don’t have. But I like it. Doesn’t that count for something??? Keep on keepin’ on.

    • chriskoenig4324

      Thanks maw… again, I’m not expecting to get famous blogging… but it would be cool to get paid to write in one way or another.

  8. Okay. Getting paid to write = cool shit. I agree.

    I also thought I should mention that you are officially catagorized in my blackberry folder under “Man Blogs”. Yep. You a man blog.

    And I hope that farting thing would make ya laugh. 😉

  9. How was I not following you on twitter before?

    And, admit it. That tranny is just you in drag, isn’t it?

  10. Luckily I’ll be able to say “I knew you when”

    good luck buddy!

  11. dude i believe you’ll get famous writing. you’re stuff is hilarious and insightful. all it takes is on random person to read it once and then your famous and forgot all about the people who have been here reading your words all this time. wait didn’t you say awhile back that a magazine or something was interested in you writing for them? what happened there? stay positive man.. it will come. cheers.
    side note too tim, he’s already said i could be in the posse too. i have the memebers only jacket. just sayin… ahahhah.

  12. Hi! I subscribed to your blog awhile back after your sister linked to it in one of her posts. You crack me up!! I had to add you to my GoogleReader so that I wouldn’t miss a post. I just started “following” you (how stalkerish, is that?!) on Twitter. Keep up the hilarious writing!

  13. Oh my gosh. Brutus is scary, and I don’t want to even begin to imagine the horrors which s/he would unleash on me if I didn’t comment. 🙂

    Good luck with the Lorne Michaels thing. Be sure to remember the little people when you hit the Big Time. (And no, I’m not talking about DLG’s Little People toys, although they are cute and worth remembering, too.)

    As for what kind of help I need–well, that would just be a prayer when you can spare one. If you want to do more, I’ve got some drywall which my husband could use a hand putting up on the ceiling…….just sayin’.

  14. Here’s the comment i promised you! love you beyond words

  15. If only more people could read this.

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