Social Networking Will Kill Us All

I’m trying to become famous here. How famous you ask? I guess about as famous as I can get while being a father/trophy-husband/son/friend/guy-with-a-life.

I don’t know what EXACTLY I want to get out of this blog. I can say with reckless abandon that “I don’t care how many people read my stuff. I do this for me as an outlet to pour my creative juices into for a little bit each day.” To a certain extent this is true… buuuuuuuuuuuuuut… it’s not entirely accurate.

I’ve always liked being acknowledged thus I always dreamed of becoming an actor… but then life got in the way.

After my dreams of talking with David Letterman on The Late Show about my latest flick were replaced with dreams of raising my daughter to be filled with nothing short of my unending love… I still craved some sort of recognition.

I think I would have proved a more valuable interview…

Even if it was in my mind.

I’ve always had a good imagination. When I was 18… I mean 8… I can remember setting up entire battle sequences with my sisters stuffed animals she’d indebted to me to keep safe while she went away to college. As I punched her large stuffed bear named “Beau” in his (rapidly deteriorating) fluffy neck… I imagined I was in an epic battle with some vicious animal from the netherworld.

That would be me, our family cat and Beau… right before I kicked him in the groin and then roundhouse kicked him in the temple

I used to be gone for hours traveling around the 300-acre farmland we had with my BB gun shooting trashed glass bottles. These glass bottles would represent my enemies… and each one I eliminated meant I was that much closer to “rescuing” Jill: my elementary school crush at the time who obviously had no idea what I would go through to rescue her from such evil empty Coke bottles.

While my battles with evil Coke bottles and innocent stuffed animals are long gone… they’ve been replaced with the all more real battle of trying to figure out “what the hell am I doing with my life?”

My imagination still rolls on.

These days, I imagine getting “discovered” i.e. Lorne Michaels magically reads my blog among the 10 million other things he’s doing and wants me to write some sketches for SNL. Or I could get featured on some “mega-blog” and start experiencing a paradigm shift in the number of readers who visit my site. Or I could actually get paid to do this crap!?

Lorne… first of all… what kind of name is “Lorne” and uh… I’m available

I realize this doesn’t EVER happen on accident… but rather, with hard work, marketing and perhaps a little luck. I know what I have to do. I have to visit other blogs, socially network myself like hell (Facebook, MySpace, Twitter… I got ‘em all), join other networking forums (Dad Blogs, Hub Pages, etc.) and maybe even spend some cash for advertising or making my site a little more “flashy”.

Which brings me to a question: “How do I have time to do all this?”

Quick answer for you: “I don’t really”.

Uh-oh… Here comes the catch.

So, I have these ideas (they’re free!):

– Follow me on Twitter and catch up with all my random quips throughout the day that prove I’m really completely uninteresting. I more than likely will follow you as well.

– If you’re not a freak… you can ask me to be your friend on Facebook with the notion that you’re a reader of mine and I’ll accept you.

– If you’re still on the archaic social networking site known as “MySpace” you can find me there too… but not very often.

– Visit my Blogroll. There are some great blogs there that I read continually that would love to see some traffic directed their way from my site.

– Visit my Fanroll. If you have a blog, business or just want to see yourself on the internet the you could feature yourself in my fanroll… just read how to do so by clicking this sentence that’s underlined in blue.

– If you’ve never made a comment before… THEN MAKE ONE ON THIS POST! Seriously… I have tracking software and a guy named “Brutus” who’ll shatter your kneecaps if you don’t.

Did I mention he’s a tranny…

– If you’ve made a comment before… THEN MAKE ONE AGAIN! I’ve never made it over 25 comments (and some of those were mine) so why don’t we get it over 40… that would be awesome.

Okay… I’m officially done begging.

Help my imagination become reality (and inflate my ego)… and I’ll help you do whatever you need help with (within reason). I’m serious. Just let me know. It’s a big bloggy world out there… and we could ALL use a little help now and then.