You better be wearing green! If you aren’t I’m going to come through your computer screen, a la “The Ring”, and tear your still beating heart from your ribcage! Oh wait… I mean, I’ll pinch you.
With St. Patty’s Day (SPD) upon us, I’m reminded of the story behind why we are supposed to wear green on SPD. It goes a little something like this:
Several hundred minutes ago, there was a midget-dwarf named Milfred. Now, a midget dwarf is exponentially smaller than a midget AND a dwarf, so he was only about 10 inches tall. Unless he wore his Barbie shoes… and then he was about 10 ½ inches.
Milfred loved the color green. He lived inside a hollowed-out head of rotten cabbage with nothing but green furniture, green carpet, green clothes, green… everything!
One day, when he was on his way to Wal-Mart, he stepped out of the front door of his rotten cabbage house and was accidentally stepped on by a bum known only as “Captain Rubbish”.
Unfortunately, he suffered several ruptured arteries, a broken neck, 13 broken ribs, a shattered femur, two ruptured lungs, a squished brain and a smashed flat small and large intestine.
He died instantly.
So we wear green in remembrance of Milfred, who loved the color green but was accidentally crushed by a giant bum named “Captain Rubbish”.
HAVE A GREAT ST. PATTY’S DAY!!!
Go drink your green beer now in memory of dear ol’ smashed Milfred