NEWSFLASH: Wetting Your Bed Is A Scientifically Proven Result Of Peeing Your Pants

Day four of 30 posts in 30 days


After years of extensive studies, scientists at the New Jersey Institute of Technology (NJIT) have deduced that 98.3% of the time if you wet your bed then it is a result of you peeing your pants.

Other possibilities include: pooping your pants (0.6%), your brother/sister peed on you (0.4%), there’s a leak in your roof(0.4%) or R. Kelly is sleeping next to you (0.3%)

“Hi.  I’m R. Kelly… and after I’m done drawing on my facial hair… I wanna pee on you”.

Dr. Pants O’Halloran, the lead scientist in this study, broke down his extensive study at his news conference last Thursday:  “In essence, the purpose behind this study… was to see how people wet their bed.  Did they fall asleep with ice cubes in their underpants?  Were they particularly prone to drooling out of their waist?  Did they leave their clothes on while they took a shower?  This particular question has been bothering us in the scientific community for years along with the meaning of life, what happened to the dinosaurs and just how big is our universe?  Nothing is more aggravating than that smell and taste of what appears to be warm apple juice on yourself when you wake up in the morning!  Our study here was simply to find out two things, ‘What is this stuff’ and ‘How do we get it to stop’?”

Pants O’Halloran: bed wetting expert

“After our extensive interviews with about 150 potential candidates… we narrowed our field of controlled subjects to ten, aged 5-65.  It did not take us long for our first breakthrough.  As the five-year-old peacefully slept for his first hour… he quickly developed a large “Gulf of Mexico” shaped stain around his midsection.  Thanks to the diligent observations of our scientists, we quickly searched for an answer and found out he had actually gone to the bathroom in his pants.”

“Controlled tests with the other nine subjects continued over the next decade with incidents almost identical in nature.”

Pants concluded, “So, with happiness in my heart, I’m here to tell you that the reason your bed is wet when you wake up… is because you peed yourself.  Thank you”.

Since O’Halloran’s study is now complete… he’s unemployed.


And now for the fourth fellow blogger of the 30 highlighted blogs in 30 days

I first happened upon Almighty Dad when Seattle Dad made mention that he had been chosen as one of Almighty Dad’s “Top Dad Blogs for 2010” and it had piqued my interest enought to click the link (like you should do).  I have come to find out that Almighty Dad once made an effort as I am currently doing to write a blog post every day for 30 days… and wound up doing a blog post every day for OVER A YEAR!!  Re-donk-ulous.  Almighty Dad is the quintesential blogger and writer.  Check him out… you’ll like what you read.

Also… click the halo… it’ll take you to Almighty Dad.

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4 responses to “NEWSFLASH: Wetting Your Bed Is A Scientifically Proven Result Of Peeing Your Pants

  1. Hey, thanks for featuring me, man! 🙂 As for the peeing the pants. I think the next groundbreaking study should be The Effects of Farts on a Marriage (or anybody standing nearby).

  2. Weirder than you in the maid costume.

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