Day five of 30 posts in 30 days.
The first beer I ever had was a Bud Light. It was disgusting. In fact I had two. The reason I was drinking them was because I was preparing for my first “night out”. It was my junior prom and I (on my own accord… or unwillingness to make an effort) didn’t have a prom date. Through my “connections” with some of the dudes on my baseball team, I got invited to some prom parties and after-parties. My parents also happened to be out-of-town and left me with my much older brother so there was no issue in trying to devise a story to get myself out of the house or curfew to abide by.
I was a sheltered kid and completely socially inept because I was homeschooled all through junior high. Because of some rejection I received from the elementary school I went to before being homeschooled through junior high, I quickly disappeared into the black cave of my house hovering over baseball cards and Archie comics like I was Gollum protecting his “precious” ring.
Similarities? I see one with the way our hair is parted. I also think Gollum liked ice tea.
My sophomore year and most of my junior year in high school were forgettable because I was forgettable! I had made no effort to put myself out there or make any new friends regardless of the circumstances or atmosphere.
I can’t even begin to tell you how I was around girls. If one looked at me or talked to me I got so scared I shat myself or came up with some word never before uttered throughout history.
This was my first opportunity (to not shat myself).
“If I want to be ‘cool’ with all these other kids… and maybe even girls… I have to at least look like I know what I’m doing” I thought to myself.
So I drank up these two Bud Lights the night before prom to ready myself of what was going to become of “my first party”.
If you’ve ever been a high school kid going to your first party, I’m sure you can imagine to some extent how the party went. Because I was such a “goody-goody” and most of the people at the party were shocked to see such an unusual participant in their nefarious acts I was giving somewhat of the star treatment. I was offered a different sample of everyone’s favorite poison. As the night went on, I wasn’t offered any more… I just took what I wanted. I’m sure that was annoying.
I passed out on the floor watching some documentary about tornados.
And that was the first time I drank.
It wasn’t the last.
Regardless of all that, through the years I have become somewhat of a beer snob.
“What exactly is a beer snob?” You may ask.
Well, a beer snob is someone who looks down on those “domestic beer drinkers” . I have a tendency to look down on people who drink Bud Light, Coors Light, Budweiser, Coors Original, Keystone, Keystone Light or (God forbid) Milwaukee’s Best REGULARLY. If there’s nothing else to drink but these beers… I just won’t drink beer. I’ll drink my own piss… it tastes better (at least I heard that).
Now, I drank plenty of domestic beers when I was a college student. I remember how we would drive to this one particular grocery store where we could buy a 30 pack of Keystone Light for around $15. We’d buy three of four of them.
So I have walked the domestic line for quite some time and I’m done.
This is what you get for drinking domestic…
One other thing you may not know unless you live in Oklahoma is that Oklahoma is a few cans short of a six-pack… almost literally. Since we live in a place where tattooing only got legalized a couple of years ago, the state’s strict rules say that convenience stores are not allowed to sell ANY beer over a 3.2% limit (while all our surrounding states have a 6.0% maximum). This makes the beer (all domestic) watered down and if you drink around three or four beers you start to swell like a tick at a blood bank. Your only solace is to go to the liquor store (before 9PM and not on Sundays) where they sell the beer over 3.2% and not the domestic urine you find at the neighborhood 7-11.
The more quality beer I drink, I find it harder to understand why people refuse to go outside their own little comfort zone and NOT try new and different beers?
Just like wine, there are so many different types and tastes of beer.
I’m a big advocate of wheat beer or hefeweizen. Boulevard Wheat is my beer of choice.
One of the happiest days of my life: my tour of the Boulecard Wheat brewery in Kansas City
I’ve never liked stouts or ales very much. Drinking Guinness, I feel, is worse than sucking honey through a straw… it’s just too thick for my enjoyment.
While I have my likes and dislikes with the finer aspects of beer and consider myself somewhat of a snob… nothing get’s my panties in bunch much more than when I’m out with a friend where there’s a multitude of beers on tap… and they order a Bud Light.
“W… T… F are you thinking dude? There are all these beers and you order a Bud Light! You can buy that at ‘Wong Fangs Kum and Go Food And Gas Mart!'” I’ll say.
Much of the same way Wal-Mart snuffs out alot of the mom and pop stores with cheaper prices and cheaper products, so do the large conglomerate beer companies like Anheuser Busch and Coors. Their beer is awful but it’s everywhere. Some people just get used to drinking it so that’s what they go with.
So for all you beer drinkers out there continuing to refuse to stray from your Coors Light or Busch Light, we can still be friends, but grab something with an unpronounceable label from a unpronouncable country and taste what REAL beer tastes like. It doesn’t taste like pee… I can guarantee you that…
Non-domestic… the more sophisticated choice
What’s your favorite beer? Don’t say Bud Light.
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