Before I get started on this list… I’d like to point out that I have a douche tattoo:
Yes… that is a badly faded tribal scorpion that’s apparently about to pounce on my tasty, pre-cancerous mole. Also… quit looking at my tiny nipple. I know that it keeps staring at you but you be the bigger person and just look away.
So if you want to get mad and huffy because you may already have one of the dreaded tattoos I’m about to mention… then just remember that I have also defamed myself before getting starting. Although… I still don’t think a tribal scorpion is anywhere near AS douchey as these.
Panther or Lion or Shark Or Dragon or Other Ravenous Beast “Ripping” Out From Underneath Your Skin:
Uh… dude… THERE’S A SMALL TIGER RIPPING THROUGH YOUR BACK!!! HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN!!! Oh… it’s a tattoo! My bad.
I don’t really understand what’s trying to be said here. Other than trying to “trick” the public into believing that you actually have an animal tearing out from your insides. Perhaps someone would get it to represent being “animalistic” or perhaps they may be all calm on their exterior and have a wild beast literally screaming to be unleashed from inside their rear deltoid or from behind their spinal cord.
I suppose the notion of it is cool i.e. “cool piece of artwork made to look as though it’s actually tearing your skin”… but it doesn’t translate that way for me. If you wanna create an optical illusion tattoo that makes someone do a double-take then try finding an artist good enough to do something like this:
While this is still a “tearing skin” tattoo it doesn’t have the same douchey qualities of a wild boar bursting from your skin… rather, it appears as though you had a horrible motorcycle accident in which your skin was raked off and *SURPRISE* you’ve got a Spiderman suit underneath there! Well I’ll be derned…
I’d wake up every morning screaming in fear that there was a spider on my foot big enough to cast a shadow…
Barbed Wire (Around The Bicep In Particular):
His muscle seems somewhat deflated… perhaps it was the barbed wire…
Other than Pamela Anderson… I’ve never seen this tattoo look even remotely cool on anyone else! I believe that barbed wire was the first real cult tattoo (of my generation anyway). I seem to remember when I was a young little jerk that a lot of people had it and I actually thought they were cool at the time!
What happened? Were you riding on your pet jaguar and got tangled in a fence line? It screams “HELLO, I’M A DOUCHE”.
Not surprisingly… Googling “douchebag” brings up this guy…
Alright… I have a Marvel superhero leg sleeve so I’m not beyond wanting to get superhero stuff forever inked into my skin. But for me, if you’ve tattooed the superman logo on you and not just perhaps some artwork of Superman, then you’re conveying to the masses that YOU are Superman! Who is Superman? He’s the man of steel! He can stop bullets with his eyeballs! He can fly! At the speed of light no less! Jump tall building in a single bound and fart so hard it blows the toupee off your step-dad. Are we all to assume, if you’ve gotten this tattoo, that you’re THAT cool! No one is that cool my friend… not even you.
It’s also TOTALLY unoriginal.
Now it’s your turn. Agree with me. Argue with me. Offer your opinion on other tattoos. Your two cents needed.