I Don’t Care How Old I Am… I Need My Nub Nub

It’s been a rough day.

First of all, when I got up this morning, I realized that my DVR did not record “Quick Pitch”, a daily one-hour show that records late at night recapping all the Major League Baseball Games that had aired the night before.

Then… I came to find out we were out of Rice Krispies.

Then… I had an accident in my pants.

Then I cried an endless waterfall of tears.

“It’s gonna be one of those days!” I thought to myself, “Good thing I got this”!

I reached into my pocket and drew out my best trusted friend to whom I resort to when days begin to look as though they’re sliding into the pit of Hades: a faded green pacifier.

“Hello old friend” I said as I cradled it gingerly almost expecting it to respond back to me.  “When everything else fails… I can always depend on you!”  I said as I popped the bulb of the pacifier in-between my lips and then began frantically sucking away the pain of the day.


You may think this is strange and ask me, “Why are you, A GROWN MAN, sucking on a pacifier?”  Well… my mother never weaned me off of it and before she knew it I had moved out of the house using my “Nub Nub” to help get me through the stressful moments in life.

Who was there for my end of semester finals?  Nub Nub.

Who was there when my college girlfriend broke up with me?  Nub Nub.

Who was there after I killed that hobo and feared I was going to get caught?  Nub Nub.

Who’s been there through 11 years of the Texas Rangers not being in the playoffs?  Nub Nub

Watching close games stress me out.  Who’s there for me?  Nub Nub.

So… you can imagine the kind of rift this created in my relationship with Bunny when I pulled Nub Nub out after our first major argument.

“What are you doing?  Is that… a pacifier?”

“NO! THITH ITH NUB NUB!!  AND HETH THE ONLY ONE WHO CARETH ABOUT ME!!” I screamed around Nub Nub who I held so delicately between my teeth.

“HA!  Are you a man… or are you a baby?” she responded while simultaneously yanking Nub Nub between my pursed lips.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Give it back poo-poo face!” I screamed again before close-lining her then slamming her to the floor in order to wrench Nub Nub from her vice-like grip.  I sure as hell knew that I wasn’t no baby!

So don’t judge me.  I may be the largest person you’ve ever seen sucking on a pacifier… but it’s my own business.  My mommy never told me I had to give it up… so I’ll give it up when I’m ready.



Post Post Disclaimer: if you didn’t notice my complete and total sarcasm… then you are indeed a complete moron.

On a more serious note: what’s your thought on pacifiers?  Should kids be allowed to decide when they don’t want a pacifier any more?  Or should there be some rules established i.e. “only a nap-time” or “only at bed-time” or “pretty much whenever they scream loud enough?”  Or do you have no rules i.e. “Let them suck on that thing until they’re 30 years old… like Papa K!”

I’m interested on starting a heated debate… make my wishes come true.


27 responses to “I Don’t Care How Old I Am… I Need My Nub Nub

  1. Actually, I believe that parents need to be gentle with each other and not start flame wars over things like pacifiers and leashes. The world is hateful enough.

    HOWEVER, I did want to ask if you were sure you wanted to use the word “adversary”? Cuz that means someone who is against you. I think you meant something quite the opposite.

    I less than three you.

    • Jenni! I’ve missed you my dearest sister! I’ve been praying for you… I know things have been a little crazy.

      I’m not starting a flame war… just playful banter and a debate… nothing more.

      I guess I misunderstood “advesary”. I’ll change it.

      Also… not to sound stupid… but I didn’t understand “Less than three” until just a few second ago. “<3" looks like a heart thus meaning you "love" me right!! I'm such a genius. Miss you.

  2. Chris, with my first child, I read all the books. I did everything it said. I started potty training her before she could talk, spent HOURS bribing and training. Then I yanked her bottle at 11 months old (because the book said), took her blankie away (because heaven forbid she get attached to something) and kicked her out of my bed (because she might become too dependent), and yes, the pacifier went too, causing days and weeks of frustration and crying.

    My second child will be my last, as I can’t have any more children. It was with her that I realized, kids only get to be kids once. I only get to raise little kids once. One day they will be all grown up, and in our society today, kids are forced to grow up entirely too fast and my theory is because…parents are trying too hard to outdo the next one. We want our kids to be the best at everything, and we don’t want other parents judging us if GASP our kid still has a pacifier at 6.

    My girls sleep in bed with me at least a couple of times a week…because I love having them close, they need to feel that closeness, and one day soon they won’t fit or WANT to be in my bed. I let Dani break herself of her pacifier, although I did communicate to her on occasion that she couldn’t keep it forever. I let her decide when she wanted to start using the potty, with of course some communication.

    Sure, “pacifiers cause buck teeth, tooth problems” but guess what? I had one until I was 4 and my teeth are perfect. No braces, no cavities, my dentist tells me I am some freak of nature. My girls were both formula fed and have been sick maybe three times in several years.

    Rules are meant to be broken, and sometimes bent a little.

    Our babies only get to be babies once…why the rush to take away their tools for comfort while they are trying to figure out how this world works? I can’t imagine being so small in a world so big and growing emotionally the way kids do at that age…reading about their little brains and maturity is fascinating.

    I would say, think about the reason you think she shouldn’t have the pacifier, and if it’s a valid one and not based on what society finds acceptable…

    • I certainly understand the ridiculousness of trying to adhere to what “society” says you should do… but I also believe there should be some sort of discipline they should be taught to. If DLG thinks she can have her paci whenever she wants… then she’ll want it all the time. If rules are established as to when she’s allowed to have it then you’re starting to set a presidence. If she starts learning rules with something as simple as when she can or can’t have a paci then understanding rules will become easier as she becomes easier.

      I can’t say that I don’t shudder a little bit when I see a six year old still sucking on a pacifier. Personally… I think pacifiers are for babies and toddlers. They should be weened just as the should be weened from using their diapers, cuddling their blankie all the time, etc. This isn’t saying they shouldn’t EVER be allowed to use any of them ever again (Bunny still has a “silkie”)… just taught some sort of discipline. I sound like some sort of drill sergeant or something.

      • Wow, I’ve never seen a 6 year old sucking a pacifier. That makes me sad! The only time I have shuddered at a pacifier is when the baby has a runny nose and the parents let it run all over the pacifier, thus adhering it to the child’s face with encrusted gunk. Makes me gag just thinking about it.

  3. My oldest daughter lost all her pacifiers before her first birthday. That’s how she was weaned off.

    We still haven’t found them. I think there’s a secret basement in my house they have all fallen into.

    My baby boy (2yo) sucked his thumb. We didn’t know how to get him off that until he broke his thumb sucking arm earlier this year. Having the cast made it impossible for him to suck. He didn’t even attempt it once it came off.

    My middle daughter (22 months)had a harder problem letting go of the pacifier. One day I replaced it with a stuffed animal at night. It only took one day of asking for the pacifier before she forgot about it.

    My baby daughter (8 months) has no vice. Other than pooping at 3AM.

    But she gets it from her mom..

    • Strange… DLG got her pooping habits from me. I thought all kids got their pooping habits from their dad… because, I mean… girls don’t poop! Right?

  4. To be honest, I don’t think it’s a great idea for kids to start school with a pacifier. We need to help break bad habits and set boundaries for our kids. That said though, vices are not a big deal overall. If you’re raising your child in a healthy, loving environment then those vices will fall away on their own. We (and by “we” I mean “I” mainly) tend to forget that our children have their own personalities from a very early age. They need different things and want different things. My son never used a pacifier, except for the first 3 or 4 weeks. He carried a blanket for a while and now his little cuddle buddy is a little stuffed buffalo that was a stocking stuffer that I got at dollar general for $1. He loves it. He doesn’t leave the house with it though, ever, except for overnight stays — and he’s 5 years old. He won’t want the buffalo forever so I’m not worried. He still gets in bed with us sometimes and I let him for the most part because there will come a day when he won’t let me into his room, much less want me to hold him and cuddle him. Our goal in parenting is to raise a good, well-rounded individual, to love them, care for them, comfort them and raise them to carry on whatever plan God has for them. A pacifier won’t make or break them. But sometimes encouragement toward helping them give those vices up on their own is also good for them. We just don’t all reach that point at the same time. I’m 33 years old and I still want my blanket for overnight stays because it helps me sleep – for what it’s worth. 🙂

  5. I am a firm believer in attachment parenting. There is enough info out there about that I won’t go crazy explaining it here. But basically my babies (the last two anyway, and this next one) are attached to me and my husband. People vs things. I want them to grow with strong bonds to us, people.

    This is why my babies sleep with us, why I nurse exclusively, wear my babies in wraps, and have not been away from them for even one night in 4+ years.

    (With my first one, I did what “they” said, like Billie above, pulled the bottle early, etc., put him in a crib when he was like 2 weeks old, everything. And it sucked. And we are not as close as we could be. And guess what? He thinks “things” are important.)

    That being said (attachment parenting) – a formula fed child who sleeps in a crib doesn’t have the benefit of all that undivided closeness with mom and dad. (Learned this from my first one.) They do need SOMETHING to be attached to, to be secure in. Generally speaking, the need to suck is present in children as old as 4. Formula feeding does not usually meet the demand for their need to suck, especially since babies are usually “weaned” from bottles pretty early.

    Society has this idea that we should make babies little independant people who don’t need us as soon as possible. This is not normal. Can you imagine other animals leaving their babies alone right after they’re born? Refusing to meet their needs? (A little off topic here, sorry.)

    I ask you to also *think* about the reason WHY you don’t think DLG should have her pacifier. Remember, you’ve let her have it all this time when she “needs” it and when she “wants” it. You’ve allowed her to know that she can depend on it. She is trying to figure out the world. Taking it away before she can really understand why may backfire into a child who is seriously skeptical of knowing her needs will be met.

    I am not saying that I approve of 6 year olds having pacifiers, but every child and every family is different. Whatever works for your family is what you should do. Try not to take public pressure into your decision (or your f year olds screaming that she can’t live without it, at 6 she probably CAN live without it). You will only have DLG for a short time. Let her know she can depend on you.

    • Mama, I used to cringe when I read posts similiar to yours when my first child was young. I would argue how unhealthy and wrong it was for parents to coddle their chidlren so much…but then I was on my own with two little girls, determined to prove to the world that a single parent household COULD produce emotionally healthy children and naturally the way it happened was, by loving them. Holding them, loving them, letting them be close to me. I realized along the way that my seperateness when my first child was a baby was my own issues with intimacy, as odd as that sounds. My children have boundaries, discipline, and they are very independent little girls, but they also love to be physically close to me and I’m going to soak that up as long as I can!

      Side note: I am in a Sociology class right now, and they have done studies with children in “normal” two parent households where there wasn’t much affection…versus children in an orphanage they sent to a mental institution to be raised by childless women there. These women held the babies all day every day, bonded with them, and years later, they found THOSE children more advanced in every way than the others.

      I have definitely learned and seen the results of closeness within a family. If I had another baby, it would LIVE in a sling! 😉

      • Billie,

        I used to feel the exact same way, especially when I had my first baby. I was freshly divorced and couldn’t imagine that whole “coddling” thing.

        When I had my second, I did a little more reading and talking to other parents. I observed. I tried something new – going with what FELT right to me….holding my baby, not putting her down, not doing the daycare thing (since we were in a position where I could stay home). It was soooo much better (and I got MORE SLEEP, bonus).

        Now I have 5 slings. More than most of the moms I used to tease for being “crunchy”. 😉

    • Hmmm… While I understand everything you’ve said and understand how it works for you… I don’t know if I completely agree with the attachment parenting idea. DLG is ATTACHED TO MY HIP EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY because I give her my UNDIVIDED attention all the time and we don’t do attachment parenting with her. DLG knows beyond a shadow of doubt in her mind that her daddy and mommy LOVE her soooooo much and tell her, kiss her and hug her 600 times a day! But at the same time she needs to learn how to be somewhat independent.

      But… opinions change. For one… I always thought that SAHD’s were slacking off while their wives worked. Now look at me! Our next kid probably won’t be a functioning member of society without a pacifier until the age of eight thus changing my views all over again!

      • Chris, I agree with you. Just as adults, I do think kids need to find their own balance between leaning on their parents and exerting their own independence. But trust me, they do that naturally in time, hahaha

  6. New here.
    Have you ever thought about replacing the “Nub Nub” with a nipple?

    Just a thought.

    • Uh. Yes? Are you talking about me? Or my kid? If you’re talking about me I would gladly substitute my wifes nipple every time I need my nub nub. If you’re talking about my daughter then I don’t think she’d have much fun sucking on my nipple because I have dust in there.

  7. I heart sarcasm!

    And, I still have my Teddy Bear from when I was a kid, it sits on the chair in my room…we don’t sleep together any more.


  8. This is fun…much moreso than the “leash” thing. I have nothing against pacifiers at all, esp. when the baby is desperate for comfort right in the middle of the grocery store and you’re only half finished! Limits, of course, like an acquaintence of mine who kept sending photos of her baby, who was always dressed in very frilly outfits, but ALWAYS had a matching (color) pacifier in her mouth! I never did know what that kid actually looked like.

  9. my cousin sucked the two middle fingers of his right hand until he was in grade school – it was funny because his head was shaped like a giant light-bulb. He outgrew that, but his head is still shaped like a giant light-bulb.

    Where’s the dance?

  10. I think it is amazing that the strength a child has going thru such a thing. It must be there youth that blinds them from the harsh reality of life.

    I myself have lupus, when I was first diagnosed I was all doom and gloom.

    Now I just try to live life to the fullest never knowing when my last day will come.

    It is the only way to live. : )

  11. I think that one thing that is missing from these comments is how friggin funny this post was!! I laughed pretty hard. Well done, Chris.

    As far as the pacifier thing, I don’t know. River was never into them, except as toys, so I never had to worry about it. I would say the main drawback is the teeth thing. A habit now becomes hundreds of dollars of dental work later and all that. I would think that as they grow, they should learn new ways of coping with difficult situations, and it’s probably not a good idea to send them to school with one. Other than that, I don’t really have an opinion. For once. Weird.

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