Fist Pump Dancing Wasn’t Founded On The Jersey Shore


Got small kids?  Then you’ll love the small giveaway I’m giving away on this post I did several days ago.  All you have to do is comment… it’s that easy.

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There’s the mambo, the salsa, the tango, line dancing, break dancing, square dancing, the jitterbug, the electric slide and the (HEY!) Macarena.  The problem with all these dances is they’re exclusive to one particular genre of music, i.e. square dancing goes with country music, the salsa goes with Latin music, etc.  They also require too much talent and too much practice to get good at them.

If only there was a dance that you wouldn’t have to practice too hard to get good at AND it could be done with every kind of music!

Hmmmmmmmm.

Well I’ve had a solution to that problem for many years now and I’m going to share it with you now.

I call it “Fist Pump Dancing”, and if you tell me those overly tanned douchebags from the MTV reality show “The Jersey Shore” came up with this… you’re sorely mistaken and I will have to siphon fire ants into your nether-regions because I’ve been dancing like this for years.

 IS EQUAL TO 

All you must have is some sense of rhythm.

Let’s explore what “Fist Pump Dancing” is shall we…

STEP ONE:

Pretend your arm is a hammer.  Hold it upright, vertical and straight.  You’re going to want to make a fist.  Keep your fist at eye-level.

CORRECT!

INCORRECT!!

Notice how the fist is WAY above eye level!  It’s even out of picture range!!  Don’t start out this way.

ALSO INCORRECT!!

Notice how my hand is open and not in the form of a fist?  This is completely wrong and entirely inexcusable.

  

STEP TWO:

When the music starts… you are going to start to dance.  This is the beginning of “The Fist Pump”.  Simultaneously rotate clockwise at the waist creating some torque and drag the elbow of your arm you’re pumping with in a backwards motion while bringing your fist forward where your arm will eventually become horizontal with the ground.

THIS IS THE CORRECT WAY:

That looks great…

THIS IS THE INCORRECT FINISHED POSITION!!

Notice how THE ELBOW has moved forward and THE FIST has moved backwards!! This is opposite of how it should happen and you should be stripped of your skin organ.

C’MON PEOPLE!!! THIS IS ALSO INCORRECT!!

In this image the elbow has raised to eye level and the fist is pointing straight towards the ground!  Completely inappropriate!

 

LET’S MOVE TO STEP THREE:

Once you’ve gotten into a position of somewhat reliable torque in your waist… you’re going to want to pretend your whole arm and fist are the handle and head of a hammer and you’ll want to hammer the nail.  Hammer the nail.  Hammer the nail. 

Frame by frame it should look something like this:

OH YEAH!!! Now… we’re almost done!  On to Step FOUR!!

 

STEP FOUR:

Right when the “head of your hammer” has hammered its nail… put a little extra juice or extra “flavor”, as I like to call it, at the end of this move.  This adds style, creativeness and character to your fist pump.  Make a face that’s characteristic of the music you’re listening to.

Like this:

Or this:

Or this:

Now… put all these steps together and add the music.  You can apply this dance move to any genre of music!  Let’s take a look:

Once you begin to get the hang of it… you can try these more advanced moves:

THE POINT AND PUMP

GRAB THE POTATO CHIPS, THEN CRUSH THEM

THE DOUBLE PUMP

THE SPIN AND PUMP

GRAB A DUDE… THEN PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE

Now that you’ve gotten all these more advanced moves down… you’re ready to try them out in “da club”, in your car or the comfort of your own home.

Happy Fist Pumping!

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17 responses to “Fist Pump Dancing Wasn’t Founded On The Jersey Shore

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Fist Pump Dancing Wasn’t Founded On The Jersey Shore « Hands To War -- Topsy.com

  2. When you scroll really fast the pictures move… AWESOME

  3. LOL flip funny 2 fave are the grab the chips and the punch a dude.

  4. Today’s Square Dancing involves about every genre of music available. There’s music for everyone.

  5. Hilarious man! I can’t fathom how those tools from that show could ever make it…

  6. Chris, you are nuts, but you make me laugh so hard!

  7. I want to see you fist pump to the theme song from the Golden Girls. Preferably while wearing a t-shirt with Bea Arthur on it if you can find one.

  8. Okay… that was HILARIOUS!!! bwahahahahaha.

    You are so funny.

    I think we need to make like a youtube video that starts a phenomenon!

    Call it the Fist pump… make a song about it… then have all the kids doing it! hehehe.

  9. The complete guide to fist pump dancing! Excellently executed! Sadly, this might be the extent of my dancing knowledge 🙂

  10. You? are a hoot. I will never live up. I do have to say though? The one with your palm up? Looked like you were ready to grab “stuff”~

  11. i read the post the other day but just now got to see the video – dude, that’s really funny. I like the first the best because while you’re doing the fist pump it looks like your hair is trying to do it’s own dance 😀

  12. That was a boat load of awesome.

  13. *snort* I’ll never look at Ramen noodles the same, ever again.

    And I’m sad I missed that super sweet giveaway. I Love those books!

    And thanks for swinging by my blog the other day! And I had to laugh at your comment, especially since i’ve been having bloggers block and my blog hasn’t been all that great lately.

    And you can tell your wife that I said, mowing the yard really isn’t so bad! 😀

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