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There’s the mambo, the salsa, the tango, line dancing, break dancing, square dancing, the jitterbug, the electric slide and the (HEY!) Macarena. The problem with all these dances is they’re exclusive to one particular genre of music, i.e. square dancing goes with country music, the salsa goes with Latin music, etc. They also require too much talent and too much practice to get good at them.
If only there was a dance that you wouldn’t have to practice too hard to get good at AND it could be done with every kind of music!
Well I’ve had a solution to that problem for many years now and I’m going to share it with you now.
I call it “Fist Pump Dancing”, and if you tell me those overly tanned douchebags from the MTV reality show “The Jersey Shore” came up with this… you’re sorely mistaken and I will have to siphon fire ants into your nether-regions because I’ve been dancing like this for years.
All you must have is some sense of rhythm.
Let’s explore what “Fist Pump Dancing” is shall we…
Pretend your arm is a hammer. Hold it upright, vertical and straight. You’re going to want to make a fist. Keep your fist at eye-level.
Notice how the fist is WAY above eye level! It’s even out of picture range!! Don’t start out this way.
Notice how my hand is open and not in the form of a fist? This is completely wrong and entirely inexcusable.
When the music starts… you are going to start to dance. This is the beginning of “The Fist Pump”. Simultaneously rotate clockwise at the waist creating some torque and drag the elbow of your arm you’re pumping with in a backwards motion while bringing your fist forward where your arm will eventually become horizontal with the ground.
THIS IS THE CORRECT WAY:
That looks great…
THIS IS THE INCORRECT FINISHED POSITION!!
Notice how THE ELBOW has moved forward and THE FIST has moved backwards!! This is opposite of how it should happen and you should be stripped of your skin organ.
C’MON PEOPLE!!! THIS IS ALSO INCORRECT!!
In this image the elbow has raised to eye level and the fist is pointing straight towards the ground! Completely inappropriate!
LET’S MOVE TO STEP THREE:
Once you’ve gotten into a position of somewhat reliable torque in your waist… you’re going to want to pretend your whole arm and fist are the handle and head of a hammer and you’ll want to hammer the nail. Hammer the nail. Hammer the nail.
Frame by frame it should look something like this:
OH YEAH!!! Now… we’re almost done! On to Step FOUR!!
Right when the “head of your hammer” has hammered its nail… put a little extra juice or extra “flavor”, as I like to call it, at the end of this move. This adds style, creativeness and character to your fist pump. Make a face that’s characteristic of the music you’re listening to.
Now… put all these steps together and add the music. You can apply this dance move to any genre of music! Let’s take a look:
Once you begin to get the hang of it… you can try these more advanced moves:
THE POINT AND PUMP
GRAB THE POTATO CHIPS, THEN CRUSH THEM
THE DOUBLE PUMP
THE SPIN AND PUMP
GRAB A DUDE… THEN PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE
Now that you’ve gotten all these more advanced moves down… you’re ready to try them out in “da club”, in your car or the comfort of your own home.
Happy Fist Pumping!