Monthly Archives: October 2010

Quirky


I know I’m a little quirky.  I’ve been perfecting it for years.

How else can you describe an individual who claims to be an introvert yet bares his soul on a semi-regular basis for anyone that has an internet connection?  That’s why I describe myself as an EXTROVERTED introvert.  I come by it honestly.  It’s all in the way I grew up.

I am the youngest in my family by almost TEN years.  It’s interesting because my four older brothers and sisters were all born within a span of about six years…  then I came a decade after.  So, while my brothers and sisters graduated and moved away I thought the sun rose and set inside a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shell, Donald Duck still presided on my underpants and I wasn’t anywhere near growing my first pube.

I don’t remember a lot of things before the age of eight.  However, I do have plenty of memories after  my siblings had graduated high school and moved away to succumb to all the various nefarious actions they were limited to while living within the friendly confines of our parents house.  Indirectly, I grew up as an only child.  I grew up idolizing my siblings that came before me and as I grew I tried so hard to adopt their mannerisms, their sense of humor, their comedic timing and their writing style.

To this day, when all my brothers and sisters get together they all try to one-up each other in various acts of hilarity.  Living in a home for most of my impressionable young life as an “only child” I lived in the shadow of their antics.  I could never compete.  My voice was always lost because I was the youngest.  My comedic timing had not matured.  I had not found my place.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my siblings, I loved their sense of humor, their ability to engage me, make me laugh and they made no qualms in their admittance of unbounded love for their little brother: the surprise.

My oldest brother never failed to make me laugh… in fact… he was my idol…

My sister covers the front of the envelope to one of my birthday cards with her own  touch of creativity

Again, my eldest brother leaves his indelible mark in a Valentines Day card my parents sent me while I was in college

From a card congratulating me on my high school graduation, my next oldest brother steals a movie line (extra points to anyone who knows where that came from) and adds his own fart joke… so typically my family…

On more than one frequent occasion, the artwork and words of affirmation came spilling from inside the card to the BACKSIDE of my birthday cards… in this instance from my sister Jenni

Try as I might, I never thought I would never be as funny or as clever as any of them.  But I tried:

As a homeschooled middle schooler, I was assigned to write the story of the good Samaritan as told in the third person.  Needless to say, not only did I have to rewrite it (as my mothers note so clearly states on the side) but it really was quite horrible!

This is a puzzle I made for my mom.  I’m not quite sure how old I was when I made it or what I was trying to accomplish but whatever the case may be it is as equally disturbing as it is apparent how much I was crying out for help!

I was young and trying to find my funny bone, my calling card, my place… my identity in our witty, well-versed, vaudevillian family.  As it is with most little brothers trying to make an impression on their siblings whom they look up to… I was simply trying too hard instead of just letting the pieces fall into place.

I grew up a shy kid.  I wasn’t comfortable with talking too much because quite frankly I felt like I had to make the Earth spin over on its axis when I spoke.  I felt that’s what my brothers and sisters were able to do.

I gradually grew out of thinking this way… but my demeanor has never changed.  I’m still the quiet, introverted individual who it may take you a few times to get to know.  But underneath my quiet, blase exterior… is an extrovert!  A guy who writes a ridiculous blog.  A guy who (I believe) you all enjoy coming back and reading on a semi-regular basis.  A guy who undoubtedly wants HIS stuff to make you laugh.  A guy who’s suddenly the king of physical comedy once his mug is in the crosshairs of a video camera.  A guy who, as a kid, used to cut the faces off male celebrities and paste them on the bodies of women in fashion magazines:

Yes… that’s Leslie Nielsen of “Naked Gun” fame…

Hey… isn’t that Danny DeVito?

Through my nearly 31 years of being alive, I’ve never been more comfortable with who I am than now.  I’m just happy for feeling as though I’ve finally arrived, that I’ve found my place, that I’m living up to my last name and that I’m uniquely quirky… as are the rest of my brothers and sisters:

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Happy Halloween From The Flintstones


Yabba Dabba Do Mother Truckers!

What did you all go as for Halloween this year?

Tell me or I’ll smash your forehead in with my giant caveman club as easy as if I was a real caveman hunting for nuts, berries and the wild wooly mammoth.  Kinda like Fred Flintstone.

My First Love


Do you know the first time I knew I was a full-blown heterosexual male? 

I was five and in kindergarten. 

I honest to God don’t remember her name and I only have this picture of her:

At the time, for some reason, the kindergarten I attended had two kindergarten teachers… I’ll let you guess on which one I had a crush on.

Yep.  Not the dark-haired one.

We’ll call her, “Ms. Badonk” since I can’t remember her name.

Now, when I was five, Ms. Badonk was so fresh and so clean that I would have gladly ate all the glue in class just to get her to pay attention to me more than the other kids.  In the above picture… I had just competed in the Kindergarten talent show.  I had done some magic I’d learned.

“And now… I will make Ms. BaDonk love me!”

From what I can remember (I’ve smoked a lot of crack since then), Ms. BaDonk was so proud of me and my incredible magic that she asked my mother if it would be okay if she took me to the strip club she worked at on weekends for a drink.  My mother emphatically answered “no” and reported Ms. BaDonk to school officials.  I never saw Ms. BaDonk again… but man I loved her with as much passion a five-year-old could muster.

THE END.

Papa K’s Gonna Spew A Random Selection Of Crap I Wanna Talk About


If you wanna enter to win an EIGHT PACK of Mr. Men books all you have to do is leave a comment after this post!!!  Time is ticking people!!

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As I prepare for San Francisco Giants to meet their ultimate demise at the hands of MY Texas Rangers… I’m momentarily distracted and at a loss for words at exactly what to talk about today.

So here are a few things:

 – I had a car accident yesterday. 

My first one EVER!  It was even a HEAD ON COLLISION!  fortunately, I’m a fairly decent defensive driver and braked as the lady on her cell phone tried to cross my lane of traffic when I was a mere 100 feet from her going a good 40 to 45 MPH.

It was really much worse than the camera can portray.  The accident surely destroyed my radiator and possibly the water pump as there were multiple fluids leaking from the car… most noticeably green antifreeze.  A word to the wise: don’t be doing anything on your cell phone while driving.  If you are, then you could get smashed by giant SUV.

 – DO NOT watch the movie “Legion”

It really really really really really really really really sucks.

 – I hate jackass New York Yankee fans

Some drunk idiot reacts after clearly interfering with a play that could have been caught by Nelson Cruz: the Rangers Right Fielder

During the most recent series the Texas Rangers had with them they were rude, obstinate and just plain bad sports about everything.

Reportedly, Cliff Lee (whom the Rangers traded for and who are in competition during the off-season to sign him to a multi-year deal) had his wife in the stands and she dealt with some real asshole fans during the Rangers three game stint in New York for the ALDS.  If you were a Yankee fan it might be best NOT to piss off the one giving it up to Cliff Lee!  The more toned down and appreciative Ranger nation are much more acceptable to deal with than the mutated Yankee “faithful” who also enjoy leaving the game early if it looks like their team isn’t going to win.

That’s all I’m gonna say about that… I could go on forever.

 – AND AS A SPECIAL PREVIEW OF SOME THINGS TO COME…

I’m in the process of digitizing a ton of my old college sketch comedy pieces. 

I graduated from college with a degree in Broadcast Communications with and emphasis in production, aka “Probably One Of The Easiest Degrees To Get” and one of the funnest!

A buddy of mine, Nicholi (who also saved me once from certain death), and I were the cut-ups of the department.  But for some reason, we were trusted all hours of the day with some of our University’s most expensive camera equipment.  We used this to our advantage to complete “homework” that was giving to us by certain professors looking for “documentary-type” pieces, 30 second news spots, etc.  What they received instead were the demented workings of two dudes with multiple personalities.

The first clip is of Nicholi and I (Pre-Papa K… and pre-19-tattoos) making fun of a cooking show that we regularly produced through the University called “Cooking With Carol”.  We called it “Cooking With Fire”!  Enjoy:

The second was a 30-second-piece that Nicholi produced where I simply was the “bad guy ninja” called “Cowboy Tim”:


I’m telling you people… there ALOT more of this where it came from.  Stay tuned and be ready.

“Papa K… You Made It” – The Blogosphere


Make sure and read to the very end of this post… I’m giving away something PRETTY COOL!!!

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It just occurred to me the other day to look back and check how long I’ve been keeping this blog alive. 

It was October 16th, 2009 when I birthed “Hands To War” into existence with post number one.  In that post I welcomed every transferring themselves from my last blog: “Virtual Hugs“, to my new, more appropriately named blog.  Quickly following that post was about a story I read regarding how Ted Williams’ frozen head had been used for batting practice at the cryogenics lab where it’s kept.

Everything went downhill from there.

I’m kidding.

I can’t begin to explain to you after writing 90 posts on Virtual Hugs and 188 on Hands To War how incredibly awesome I feel.

I never used to write.  I never used to read.  I found them both about as enjoyable as having a doctor shove his finger up my butt (that’s not enjoyable BTW).  Now… I do both (read and write… not get fingers stuck up my butt)!!  I feel as though I happened upon a wealth of previously undiscovered knowledge!

188 posts ago, when I opened the doors to my blog home, I honestly didn’t know to even think about what might become of my career as a blogger.  My blog can’t make homemade ice cream, it hasn’t me famous yet and it doesn’t have boobs as awesome as Bunny’s

Three strikes right?

Wrong.

For everything negative that blogging does (like when it erased THIS very post from its memory banks leaving me with nothing and having to type it all over again)… it has an equally rewarding effect.

It has given me the opportunity to showcase my writing on several different blogs specializing in things from baseball to relationships to parenting techniques.

I have made friends whom I only know through the still photos they post on their own blogs or the comments they’ve made on mine.  Mandal, Shelle, Keith, SeattleDad, MamaMidwife, Andrea and Tony are just a few that come to mind.

I’ve received an email from Kim Kardashian on how much she loves my blog.

I’ve effectively lived through depression, anxiety and OCD by chronicling my struggles with them on this blog and on Virtual Hugs.

I’ve been able to find this outlet to explode my creativity all over the internet… even if a microcosm of the planet ever sees it then I still feel like I’ll be remembered for something.

I’ve written about things that I’ve been told actually help people get through whatever they’re going through.  Whether I said something deeply intriguing, spiritual or just plain stupid it hits someone where it makes sense to them!!

I’ve found it all to be rewarding and I thank you, the reader, for reading.  Keep it up!!  Tell your friends.  Tell your neighbors, your husbands, your wives, your poker buddies, your Chihuahua, your Facebook friends, that dwarf that lives under the foundation of your house or even old Mrs. Cratchett who tries to shoot you with her crossbow every time you walk by her house.

After all of this, you may have noticed a slight change in my blog title.  While “Hands To War” will still remain in the URL, I’ve changed the name of this blog to “Who Is Papa K”.  I ask this question in all seriousness because I don’t even know who I am!  Also, I’m in a different place than where I was when I started Hands To War.  When I started Hands To War as the successor to Virtual Hugs it was to release all the garbage I had dwelling in my soul, mind and body.  Sometimes writing and seeing the words on the screen makes everything more real.  I blogged because I almost had to in order to survive!  I wrote about my depression, about my growing spirituality and about anything that was really affecting me in my life at that time.

It’s not that way anymore.

I don’t struggle with my OCD, depression and anxiety like I used to.  I’m also not naïve enough to think that I won’t ever again… I’m just extremely happy to be at the place I’m at right now.

So, I write about other things.  I not only write about my spiritual walk and my struggles with OCD, depression and anxiety… but I also about baseball or parenting or DLG or Bunny or things that piss me off or tattoos or anything I damn well please really.

Thus the name change.

Hands To War is a spiritual reference and while I fully intend to write about spirituality when I want… I also don’t want to pigeon-hole myself.  Themed blogs are great… but that’s not my gig.

“Who Is Papa K” is exactly what it says: “Who” am I, “what” do I write about, “when” do I post, “where” do I live so you can stalk me like the crazy stalker you are and “why” must I mention Kim Kardashian so many times?

Nobody knows really.  Not even me.  I want to write about whatever I damn well please and have the title of my blog indicate that.

So… Who IS Papa K?

I don’t know.  Keep readin’ and find out!

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In celebration of the new blog name I’m going to give a lucky reader the biggest prize I’ve given away to date.  If it’s something you personally won’t be able to benefit from you could use this as a Christmas (it’s coming before you know it) gift to a younger member of your friends or family.

Several weeks ago, I gave away a Mr. Men book called, “Mr. Bump”.  Upon further inspection at my local bookshop, I located an EIGHT-PACK collection of some classic Mr. Men books.

DLG has this same collection and she LOVES it.

Included in this eight-pack are Mr. Bounce, Mr. Bump, Mr. Chatterbox, Mr. Grumpy, Mr. Happy, Mr. Mischief, Mr. Small and Mr. Strong.

Seriously folks, this is an awesome giveaway.  Just to reiterate: I’m giving you EIGHT books.

Not one.

Eight.

All you have to do is leave me a comment telling me where you live, i.e. Colorado, Wisconsin, Australia, Somalia, Antartica, etc.  DON’T send me your personal address… I’ll ask for that later if you win the books.  I’m really just curious how far reaching this blog goes. I also may do a post about it in the future.

A winner will be drawn at random in a week.

Leave a comment… it’s all you gotta do!

Baseball, Apple Pie And My Life


Right after I turned ten years old, my family moved back to Oklahoma from Norway (the European Country… maybe you’ve heard of it).  I was looking forward to watching American television.  My father quickly dashed my dreams of watching Nickolodean’s “Double Dare” and Disney’s “Duck Tails” when he proclaimed in an absolute unwavering tone that “we would not be subscribing to any cable TV services.”  My psyche was further damaged when we went to Wal-Mart and purchased the smallest television they had at that time: a 13-inch Magnavox that was as thick as a cinder block and weighed about as much.

We lived on a farm in the country too so any reception we got on our tiny television from the local channels was subject to varying degrees of static dependent on the weather.  Most times watching television was much like running your eyes over a cheese grater.

I tell you this because I started getting attached to a professional baseball team who I couldn’t ever watch due to the nature of our situation.  I’d always loved baseball and played it in Norway… but never had I really started getting attached to a particular team because I’d never really lived anywhere remotely close to follow it.  Now, as a budding superstar on my ten-and-under team… I got attached to The Texas Rangers.

I was a pitcher, so I LOVED Nolan Ryan. 

Me showing off my Nolan Ryan baseball card “wall” (in my secret room underneath the basement stairs… I was an odd kid)

Nothing was cooler to me that this grizzled old man going up to the mound and striking batters out with his 100MPH fastball.  The dude struck out over 5,000 people, won over 300 games and threw seven no-hitters… SEVEN! 

He also beat up a much more spry (and completely idiotic) Robin Ventura who got pissed because he thought Nolan purposely hit him with a pitch!  Once Ventura was within arms length of Nolan, he found himself put in a headlock and pounded repeatedly until teammates from either team ripped Ventura from Nolan’s vice-like headlock.

That says it all really…

By the end of his career, I had hung on every one of his strikeouts beginning in 1990.

After Nolan retired, I got hooked on Juan Gonzalez, the Rangers star slugger (nicknamed “Igor”) who won back-to-back MVP awards in ’92 and ’93 and ended his career with over 400 home runs.

“Igor”, a victim of the steroid era, blasts another juiced home-run

In the midst of Juan Gonzalez’s prime, the Texas Rangers won their division and made it to the postseason for the first time in 1996. 

I was exstatic and ready to watch postseason baseball.

There was only one problem: we still didn’t have any kind of cable or satellite connection.  You see, my father abhorred watching television and equally abhorred the idea of his son getting hooked on it.  It was only on special occasions (like baseball playoffs) when my dad might lower his paper he was reading, peer into the ether and say, “Well… we might see if we can figure out a way to see that game on television.” 

On October 1st, 1996, the Texas Rangers played the New York Yankees in game one of the League Division Series (LDS).  Their first postseason appearance EVER!!  They beat the Yankees 6-2… and I didn’t get to watch a single second of it.  All I could catch were the garbled announcers announce what was happening over static.

After pleading with my father to spare me the pain of missing another Texas Rangers playoff game he finally decided to buy A VERY LARGE ANTENNA!  Needless to say this did nothing more than scramble the picture to where I could barely make out Cecil Fielder hitting a home-run against the Rangers in the fourth inning.

Texas lost that game 5-4 in twelve innings and proceeded to lose the LDS a few days later.

Life went on.

I still cheered on the Rangers as best I could and collected baseball cards at a fever-pitch:

I played for my high school varsity baseball team for three years:

And went through “the bucket hat” stage like most of us did in 1998 (please tell me you went through that too):

The Texas Rangers went to the playoffs again in 1998 and 1999 only to lose both times to… you guessed it… The New York Yankees.  They even got swept (meaning they never won a game) against the Yankees both times!

I never watched a single game.  Our very large antenna again stayed fixed through both these playoff series’ making unwatchable television into “barely-watchable-to-the-point-of-really-not-wanting-to-watch” television.

After 1999, the Texas Rangers ceased being any good at all.  In fact… they were horrible.

In college, amidst late night parties and beer runs to buy more Keystone Light, occasionally a friend of mine would flip past a game on the TV to which I would say, “Hey dude… lemme see the score of that game!” It would, more often than not, flash a score indicative of what Texas Rangers baseball was:  lots of runs… but still losing.

More life happened.

I attended a good too many college parties:

Found Jesus (while dressed as Borat):

And met and married my beautiful wife:

When I met my wife, I hadn’t made it completely obvious just exactly HOW BIG a Texas Rangers fan I was.  I wasn’t doing it on purpose… I was distracted by her breasts.

Years and miles away from the 13-inch Magnavox television my dad had purchased eons ago, I enjoyed watching every Rangers game in high-definition on my DVR once Bunny went to sleep.  NO more garbled announcers and NO more static!

Unfortunately, the Rangers had NO more playoff appearances since their last in 1999.  They spent most of their time wallowing in bad trades, bad pitching and expensive self-indulgent douchebag superstars.

Fortunately, for me, I had much better things going on.

We had a beautiful baby girl born on July 16, 2008:

Raised her to feel more love than any kid on this entire planet has ever felt (although you can’t really tell that by this picture):

And perhaps MOST importantly, if you want to live a respectable life… don’t ever become a NEW YORK YANKEES FAN!!:

If you happened to be following the Rangers through the years as I had been doing, you knew that there was good things brewing on the horizon.  The internal structuring of the team started to change.  New methods were established.  I got a Texas Rangers Tattoo.  New routines were adapted.  And most importantly, Nolan Ryan, became the president of the baseball team:

Don’t take for granted he’s older now… he could still get you in a headlock and pound your face a few times…

This year, they made their return trip to the postseason by winning their division and beating the Tampa Bay Rays in the first round of playoffs.

My attempt at a post-game champagne celebration… by myself…

I’ve often wondered what it would be like if “my” Rangers lived up to my expectations of them.  I’ve had plenty of friends and relatives who cheer on their teams in various sports and become inflamed with rage or glee dependent on the scenario.

I was no different.

I couldn’t sleep.

I couldn’t feel my legs during game time.

I screamed at the television.

I participated in strange, OCD-ish rituals I believed would help them win.

After giving myself a hernia from the stress of their first postseason series win, the anticipation of their next opponent: The New York Yankees, made me slurp down the sinewy muscles of my forearm like they were angel hair pasta.

Bunny, not being a baseball fan herself, promised me at the beginning of the season that if the Rangers made it to the postseason she would go with me to a game. 

She kept her promise:

We went to game two of the American League Division Series and saw the Rangers release the proverbial monkey from their backs and beat the New York Yankees by the score of 7-2:

Bunny may not completely admit it… but I think she had a good time:

Sharing baseball and the Texas Rangers with my family stems from nothing more than a 13-inch television full of static in the dank basement of my house in Oklahoma.  It sounds a little weird but the Rangers are just part of my personality, they’re an extension of me.

And in this early morning hour on day they’re playing game six against the New York Yankees on the brink of sending them to elimination and going to their first World Series in franchise history… I can’t help but stick my chest out a little and beam with a little pride as if they were my own child and I’ve watched them grow.

Or perhaps it’s the other way around… maybe they’ve been watching me grow?

Whatever the scenario… these are my Rangers and I can’t wait to see them in the World Series.

DLG doing “the claw” (it’s a Texas Rangers thing… go with it)

Let’s see a World Series banner up there in a week!!

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Want some other cool Texas Rangers stuff to check out?  Baseball Time In Arlington is a fantastic blog written from the fan perspective that I’ve been reading for years.

The (Virgins) Guide To Baseball is an excellent blog written from the perspective of the casual fan wanting to learn more about the game.  I’ve also guest posted there.  Show the blog some love.

The last several trips I’ve taken to Rangers ballpark have been well documented against the Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs.

I also struck out current St. Louis Cardinals slugger Matt Holliday TWICE in high school… I coulda been a contender.

Road Rage Rages On


The idiocy of people amazes me.

Not only do a surprising amount of parents not wipe their kids snotty noses but an even more surprising amount of individuals who own a driver’s license do not know how to drive on the highway. 

For those of you who THINK (for some reason that escapes me entirely) that you’re entitled to drive slow in the fast lane… allow me to draw you an illustration of the way it should be:

Now… if you’re viewing the road from above… the fast car stays on the left side while the slow car stays on the right!  This enables an easy flow of traffic!  If you’re the fast car you don’t have to worry about veering off into the other lane in order to pass those slower drivers who most of the time are either talking on their cell phone, texting, eating a taco, slapping their kid in the back seat or trying to take off their pants.

Absolute idiot drivers focusing on anything else other than driving usually result in the situation looking something like this:

What has to happen now is the fast car has to veer around the slow car in order to get where it’s going!  This not only defies the logic of the road but also simple common sense!   Something of which I fear is quickly becoming an endangered trait with most people.

Enter road rage.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not an overly aggressive speedster with a goal of running 90-year-old nuns off the road.  Sometimes I’m just in a groove.  I have my cruise control on, I’m making good time, I’m jammin’ to some Britney Spears on the XM and life is good.

Then… Mr. “I Have A Tapout Sticker On The Back Of My Truck To Go Along With My Truck Balls” decides that he’s setting the pace in the fast lane by going 60 MPH.

Then… I have a complete and total mental breakdown because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that even the Universe is screaming for things to go right.

Enter road rage.

Get a clue drivers… before you get something like this in your face: 

I Love Snot


I say that with every hint of sarcasm I can muster over a three word headline.

One of the things about becoming a parent is having to endure the seemingly endless ineptitude of other parents.  While perhaps I’ve stated my opinion about such things as leashes for kids or getting your infants ears pierced… I won’t pull any punches on this issue.

If you don’t wipe your kids nose… you deeply annoy me and I would like to filet your cranium over a nice steaming hot pile of caramelized onions then eat it for brunch.

Seriously parents… get a wet wipe or tissue or even use the sleeve of your shirt FOR POOPS SAKE and erase the railroad track of snot flowing from their little nostrils into the nether-regions of their mouth!

WHAT’S FOR LUNCH DAD?

Now… I get it.  Sometimes if your kid is playing somewhere off by themselves they might get a little snot dribble and you’re not aware the situation has surpassed.  My squabble is not with this situation… snot on a kid is ultimately unavoidable 100% of the time.

My issue is the length of time you allow it to fester and begin to affix itself to your kids upper lip!

On more than SEVERAL occasions I’ve been in a play area or playground or library or grocery store or any other place they allow small children and a mother or father is oblivious to the fact that their kid STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM is having issues keeping their snot in their nose where is belongs!

I was in a popular restaurant chain play area yesterday and there was a father there with his four-year-old.  I sat in freakishly stunned silence as this man let his kid run around the play area as though the snot running out of his nose into his mouth was all just about as normal as wearing a pair of pants.  It took everything I had to not say, “HERE!  HERE!  YOU CAN HAVE ONE OF MY WET WIPES JUST PLEASE WIPE YOUR KIDS NOSE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY!!”

But I didn’t.

I sat there and threw up in my mouth continuously until DLG rescued me from the moment when she told me she had to use the potty (yes… she’s almost potty trained). 

What is the issue here?  It seems pretty cut and dry to me!  Do some parents just not care?  Even in they didn’t care what other people thought of the never-ending stream of snot coming from their child’s nose don’t they NOT LIKE TO LOOK AT IT? 

Then again… some parents are pretty clueless like this douche:

Get a clue people…

Halloween Costume Ideas… On A Budget


Let’s be frank here… the economy has affected us all.  As much as we’d like to spend $100+ on costumes to look like Batman:

Or whatever the hell this nightmarish creature is:

 

Most of us lowly, cashless peons can’t (and probably wouldn’t even if we could) afford such outfits we can only wear ONCE a year.

So I, Papa K, have come up with a few costume ideas you can make from stuff you ALREADY HAVE AT HOME! 

So… no more fretting over the computer looking over endless costume ideas for yourself only to get caught in an endless stream of imagination wondering what your wife would look like wearing something like this:

Oh… so that’s only me!?

Anyways… here’s a few costume ideas that may save you from blazing through your bank account:

GHOST:

PLASTIC SURGERY GONE BAD: 
 
 
 PILLOW HEAD FACE MAN… THING… GUY…:
 

 
 MUMMY:

DEAD GUY:

 

SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT, AGED BOY BAND MEMBER:

 

TINY, FRIGHTENING DOG WITH GLOWING RED EYES:

 PAPA K: MASTER OF THE BLOGOSPHERE, INTERNET SENSATION AND THE MAN MOST MEN HOPE THEY CAN BE LIKE SOME DAY (BUT WILL FALL FAR,FAR SHORT):

Honestly people… take a little time to brainstorm and come up with costume ideas made from things around your house already!  You’ll be amazed at how much money you can save!!

(Personally… I think the Papa K outfit is radical)

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I suppose if you made it this far… I might as well tell you who the winner was of my last giveaway.

But… have you ever seen this:

BWAH HAW HAW HAW… I don’t really know what it means… but it’s funny.

What was I saying?  Oh yeah… I was going to give away a couple funny magnets, an autographed picture of myself and another surprise gift to someone who participated in my last giveaway!

Before I do that though… isn’t this hilarious!!



TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HAW… HEE HAW!

MamaMidwife?  MamaMidwife??  Are you there!?  YOU WON!!!  YOU WON THE FREE GOODIES I’M GIVING AWAY!!  You were the ONE PERSON randomly picked from pickrandom.com!!  So email me your personal address to papak4324@live.com and I’ll get those in the mail to you ASAP… along with your SECRET gift.

I know you can’t wait.

If you didn’t win… don’t cry.  I’ve got lots of other stuff lined to give out… FOR FREE!!

Stay tuned.

Guest Spots And Hangovers


Alright… so I partied it up last night because my Texas Rangers WON their ALDS matchup against the Tampa Bay Rays and are going on to play the asshole New York Yankees for a chance to play in the World Series.  I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am and how much I regret downing a whole bottle of champagne and a six-pack last night.

My guess is that Ian Kinsler probably feels it too…

Anyway, I’ve guest spotted on two separate blogs today just to show you my versatility.  The first is a really really cool blog called “The (Virgins) Guide To Baseball“.  The timing of this post is impeccable because it’s a piece I wrote about brainwashing handing down my love for the Texas Rangers to DLG.  I’m really proud of the article… even if you hate baseball I suggest you read it because it’s about more than just baseball.

Secondly, I guest spotted on “Defining The Undefined“.  This blog is run by a young man whose on the path to getting married.  He writes a lot more serious than I do about marriage, love, religion and the like.  I took the opportunity to guest spot there and submitted a piece about my faith which is very important to me.  He’s a fairly new blogger too… so hop on over there and give him some love.

So… I’ve got some good stuff in store for everyone over the rest of this week.  I’ve just gotta get rid of this hangover.

GO RANGERS!!!