In another lifetime, I was a founding member of a fraternity at the college I attended. I was your typical fraternity guy. I loved to party, I loved to hang out, I loved to kill random hobos… nothing was off-limits really. If it involved cheap beer, sorority girls, hangovers and general craziness… I was in. I was always the fun-loving, happy party guy to hang out with. I never started fights, stole old ladies hand bags, lit bags of poop on fire or said hateful things to anyone (although for some reason I did have a penchant for stealing things only to return them the following day). I lived the college experience and despite their being a few regretful moments… my overall experience was a good one.
I’ve never been one to be overly fanatical about music but at the time I was a particular fan of a band called Limp Bizkit. You may remember them. They were your rock/rap hybrid of that era and were quite popular. Their front man, Fred Durst, was your super typical douchebag whose tough guy image was destroyed when he wound up dating Britney Spears.
I’m Fred Durst and YOU… uh… well… you aren’t
I thought he was pretty cool and he had this goatee that he’d bleach different colors from time to time. I had a rather sad-looking goatee that more closely resembled a patch of pubic hair than anything else. I’d been sporting it for several years and being the kind of person who gets somewhat bored with my appearance I decided that I would bleach my pubic chin-hair because dammit… I was cool too.
If I was going to bleach it… I didn’t want to get it that peroxide yellowish-orangish hue you see some people get when they bleach their hair. I wanted to get my goatee WHITE! To do so, I had to bleach it about five or six times. I achieved a white goatee… but burnt the living poop out of my chin underneath. I successfully managed to use so much peroxide that I burnt all the first and possibly the second layer of epidermis on my chin. With the absence of my pube goatees natural tint… these burns were quite noticeable.
I managed to barely pull it off for a while until my roots started to grow out and my skin started to scab over. What resulted was a half white, half black goatee with scabs falling out of it. I eventually had to shave off my beloved goatee and walk around looking like I had slid down a gravel embankment.
Unfortunately, I only have one picture on file of this said “rocker goatee”. It was taken at a sorority date party shortly before all my fraternity brothers wound up in a bar room brawl with another, more-douchey-than-us fraternity (I was oblivious and busy dancing with myself).
Can you see it? Let me zoom in a little bit.
Gawd I used to be so awesome.
Maybe I should get Limp Bizkit back together?