My First Love


Do you know the first time I knew I was a full-blown heterosexual male? 

I was five and in kindergarten. 

I honest to God don’t remember her name and I only have this picture of her:

At the time, for some reason, the kindergarten I attended had two kindergarten teachers… I’ll let you guess on which one I had a crush on.

Yep.  Not the dark-haired one.

We’ll call her, “Ms. Badonk” since I can’t remember her name.

Now, when I was five, Ms. Badonk was so fresh and so clean that I would have gladly ate all the glue in class just to get her to pay attention to me more than the other kids.  In the above picture… I had just competed in the Kindergarten talent show.  I had done some magic I’d learned.

“And now… I will make Ms. BaDonk love me!”

From what I can remember (I’ve smoked a lot of crack since then), Ms. BaDonk was so proud of me and my incredible magic that she asked my mother if it would be okay if she took me to the strip club she worked at on weekends for a drink.  My mother emphatically answered “no” and reported Ms. BaDonk to school officials.  I never saw Ms. BaDonk again… but man I loved her with as much passion a five-year-old could muster.

THE END.

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7 responses to “My First Love

  1. Wasn’t her name Annie ??? I remember her………..but can’t reach down into the crevass my mind has become to capture her name…..maybe Adrienne will remember !! This story would have been so much better with just the truth…….no strip club or crack references………and yeah, I’m old ! but those days were magic to me …

    • Perhaps that was her name. I have absolutly no memory of what it would be.

      Regarding the truth, I would have felt more like writing the truth if I wasn’t feeling like slamming my head repeatedly between a large rock and the concrete floor because of the Rangers 9-0 World Series loss. This post was probably more of a mirror image of the way I felt!

  2. Your final paragraph cracked me up. Excellent start to Friday. 🙂

  3. I think she danced form me at a club on the south-side of Atlanta a while back (it’s a dumpy club, but the table dances are cheap and the drinks are strong). Time hasn’t been good to the old girl unfortunately.

    I think her stage name is “Trinity”..

  4. Pingback: Tweets that mention My First Love « Who Is Papa K? -- Topsy.com

  5. I had a huge crush on my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Edmonds. Unfortunately, my kindergarten teacher’s name was Mrs. Hardcastle. She lived up to her stern sounding name.

  6. I also had a serious crush on my Kindergarten teacher. Her name was Ms. Miller. Sadly no picture of her for me.

    But she did take me to the strip club SHE worked at. Awesome.

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