I don’t know if too many of you know this… but I’m an alien robot from outer space.
Yes. Those movies you’ve seen with Shia LeBoiff… LeBuff… LaBoof… whatever… and Megan Foxy As Hell aren’t just movies! They’re actually loosly based documentaries on my life as an alien robot. You may remember me as “Optimus Prime” but my given alien name was “Uix” but chose to name myself to the more pronouncable “Papa K” upon arrival to Earth. Jerry Bruckheimer chose the more catastrophic, action-packed, “end of the world” approach to make my life as an alien robot seem a little more dramatic. In all reality, myself and several other alien robots from the planet QeYutoboob12 transform not from gigantic robots into flashy sports cars, supersonic jets or semi-trucks… but rather from disheveled, over-worked, under-sexed, stinky househusbands like this:
Into well-groomed, properly manscaped, appropriately smelling (although not well-tanned) househusbands like this:
It may surprise you that I’m not here on this planet to look for some magical cube that makes inanimate machinery aware of themselves. Rather, I came to this planet because there were no hot robot chicks. Planet QeYutoboob12 may have “boob” in the name but believe me… there’s none worth looking at there.
A few of my other robot buddies “YubqAiA+” (Bumblebee from the movie), “EeeOok” (Megatron) and Frank Stallone (Ironhide) were able to find a wormhole to Earth and escape from our planet’s lack of eyebrow-raising females. We chose Earth because there was an urban legend on our planet saying that Earth was “Graak HuiiU@ BluUquak Sho4oby”!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Trust me… what I just said was HILARIOUS.
Anyway… I accomplished what I was came her to do… I found a hottie for a wife.