Papa K Grants You The Wish Of (Exhaustively) Answering Your Questions!! Part Four


I recently asked for some questions of which I said I would answer in a future post.  Well… welcome to the future.

If you want to read past questions and the answers to those questions then go here.

Also, stay tuned (through an almost obnoxious number of boob questions… but I brought that on myself) to the end of the post when I reveal the winner of the $20 gift card (awarded to a random question-giver)

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Gucci Mama asked this one simple question:

What is your favorite thing to do with DLG? Do you take her on daddy dates? I really hope you take her on daddy dates. You must.

What’s funny is that it’s the little things that seem so simple that mean the most to me.  It’s honestly not possible to narrow it down to ONE thing… but I can give you a number of “number one’s”:

     – I take her to the donut shop some mornings when she wakes up… she LOVES it

     – Cuddle with her while watching Yo Gabba Gabba or Wonder Pets

     

     – Taking her out to eat at Chick-Fil-A then playing in the play area afterwards

     – Doing some of the most mind-numbing things to me are re-birthed as some of the most exciting things through her eyes

     – Going to PetsMart and looking at all the fish

     – If she’s tired enough when I sing to her at night she lays her head on my shoulder and I just melt

     – I’ve only done this once but plan on doing it more: taking her to a baseball game

      

I could go on but my most favorite thing to do is just be the best role model I can be to her.  One of the great things about being able to stay at home with her is exposing her to a strong male figure (at least I consider myself to be such) a lot of the time early on in life.  While establishing the strong male figure definitely can be done with dads who aren’t able to stay at home, I take the additional time with her very seriously and am never afraid to show all my emotions and get down on her level.  When she grows up… I want her to marry a guy like me (but preferably a major league baseball player so I can get free tickets) so the groundwork I lay now is important.

We do everything we can and have as much fun as we can because dammit… she’s growing up fast.  I only get this opportunity once.

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Scott asked in a completely relevant and professional way:

Do you cry after sex?

First of all I make sweet, sweet love to my wife.  So, the correct way to ask this question is, “Do you cry after making sweet, sweet love?”

But anyway, in answer to your question… no.  I usually fall asleep or flex in the mirror for a couple of hours.

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Kim (from “Baby Feet”) asked me a couple questions:

How long did you wait to kiss your wife? Was your first date awesome? How long before you knew she was ‘the one’? How long before she knew?

I kissed her on our first official date.  I was a real slut.

In actuality, our first meeting took place at a smokey bar where we were hooked up by a mutual friend.  A few days after our smokey meeting I asked her out and we went out to eat and then to attend the local comedy club. 

One of our first dates.  I was much younger and more pale.  Okay… maybe just younger.

We had a great time.  It was actually the first date I’d ever been on where I’d spent $100 over the entire course of the date (and I should have seen the writing on the wall).  It turned out to be $100 well spent though because I did get a kiss out of the deal (and that’s all I’m allowed to say!).

I can’t say that I knew right away that she was “the one”… but I was incredibly entranced by her endless cleavage and believe that if it hadn’t been for that I might not have gotten to know the incredible person she really is under all those boobs. 

She, on the other hand, knew right away that I was the one.   So much in fact that after our first date she told her grandma that she was going to marry me.  That’s what she tells me anyway…

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Cathie asked:

What would you do if your gorgeous daughter got a KNUCKLE Tattoo ?? on all 10 knuckles ?????

Hmmm… from a professional “getting tattooed person” I can’t say that I’d be too impressed.  Knuckle tattoos fade too easily and aren’t really all that attractive on two-year-olds.  Now if she wanted to get a tattoo on the back of her neck where her hair would cover it up or perhaps an arm sleeve of Yo Gabba Gabba characters I would probably sign off on it IF SHE ASKED ME FIRST because I am the coolest dad this side of the Mississippi.

I kid. I kid.

In all honesty, I would like to think she’d know better than to do that when she’s “of age”.  I can’t very well prohibit her from getting a tattoo since her daddy is gaining on twenty tattoos himself… but as a tattooed person I couldn’t be angry with her.  But I would be extremely disappointed she chose such a crappy area to get tattooed.  I should know… I have a knuckle tattoo:

It’s not a crappy tattoo since it signifies the marriage to my wife (“M” is Bunny’s first initial) but it is a crappy area to get tattooed because it’s susceptible to fading.

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Tabeetha asked me a question regarding my wedding day:

 I want to know if you ever ended up pooping out your spleen after your wedding illness issues? I’ve been meaning to ask for years!

“Tabeetha” is a first time commenter but a long time friend of Bunny and I.  She’s referring to a home movie that I shot of the two of us the night after we got married where I explained in vivid detail the events that led up to a trip to the emergency room THE NIGHT BEFORE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.  I had obtained horrible food poisoning and lived through what seemed like a near-death episode, an event I described in our home video that was like “pooping out my spleen”.

“Tabeetha” thought this was hilarious.

Tabeetha, I can tell you I’ve never pooped out my spleen so I don’t know for sure if it IS ACTUALLY comparable to horrible food poisoning.  Hell… I don’t even know where my spleen is!!

Oh… there it is…

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Mama MidWife (who’s been on my ever since my breastfeeding post) asked me some boob questions:

1.  How old were you *really* when you quit breastfeeding?

     My mother tells me I was a little over a year… maybe 13 or 14 months!?  As she tells it, I bit her really hard which resulted in her getting angry with me and I never went back

2.  Do you think breastfeeding lead you to become a “booby” man?

     In all honesty, what straight man isn’t a “booby man”?  I know that some may prefer legs or butts or the nape of the neck over boobs (which is insane in the membrane) but show me a guy (straight or gay) who    doesn’t think boobs are awesome and I’ll tattoo Richard Simmons on my lower back.

     But in answer to your question: YES… absolutely.

3.  Is a third nipple hot?

     Depends on where it is I suppose.  If it’s on your forehead that would be a little odd.  If the third nipple came on a third boob then we might have something.

4.  Would you rather cuddle or have sex?

     You do know I’m a guy right?  I may be in touch with my feminine side a lot more than some dudes but when my wife so much as sits down and adjusts her chair for dinner I get aroused!  So cuddling doesn’t last very long until I’m asking the question. 

5.  I realize I have commented before. Will you still consider me for the prize?

     Yes.  But not until you send me a picture for my Fanroll (I’m still waiting).

6.  Did you know they have knitting patterns for things like “penis cozy”? What kind of guy would want that? There are also patterns to knit your own ta-tas.

     For those of you who don’t know… Mama MidWife is a knitting freak of nature.  Every time I go to her blog she’s talking about a new knitting project.  Knitting to me is about as interesting as sitting on porcupine quills or watching NASCAR.  That’s okay… I’m sure some people feel the same about watching baseball.  So… to each their own but if you’ve ever had an interest in knitting then Mama MidWife is your gal (I’m lookin’ at you Gucci).

     In answer to your question though Mama MidWife: Me.  Where can I get one? 

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My good blogger buddy “UP” asked perhaps the most mind-bending question:

What is the meaning of life (I mean other than Kim Kardashian)?

 

*sigh*

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..

Bunny and I went to this little restaurant chain called “Steak and Shake” the other day.  It’s set like an old 50’s diner with picture of old cars on the wall and endless shake option and 50’s era jam bands blasting on the jukebox.  Their burgers weren’t too bad either!

I think that’s probably the meaning of life. 

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Chopper Papa wants to know about my underwear:

Boxers or briefs?

I don’t really understand the purpose of boxers quite honestly because it’s just like wearing small shorts under your pants so why wear any at all?  Also, I don’t particularly like “free-ballin'” and prefer to go for a more “soft” support of my sperm-generators like my wife’s cupped hands or a bowl of whipped creme.

Briefs are for male supermodels and/or David Beckham of which I am decidedly not either. 

My thighs are too insanely skinny to wear them and the hug my testicles in such a way where it feels as though they’re going to push through my undercarriage.

So… I prefer to go for the best of both worlds: boxer-briefs.

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Daddy Can’t Hear You (or DCHY) asked:

1.  Scientific – when did you first realize that you were bound by the law of gravity?

     The first time I had it was at this fast food restaurant they have here in Oklahoma called “Braum’s”.  I was probably around 10 or 11 and I was there with my parents after church one Sunday morning.  I’d never had biscuits and gravity before so I ordered then.  They were really good.

Braum’s biscuits and Gravity… YUM!

Oh wait… those are biscuits and GRAVY!!  Not biscuits and GRAVITY!!  Gosh… I’m such a dweeb.

I’m sorry… I don’t have any idea what “gravity” is!?  Does it go on pancakes?

2.  Philosophical – why does life continue to give us lemons, knowing we prefer bananas?

If your supposed to make lemonade when life gives you lemons… what are you supposed to make when it gives you bananas?  A banana-split?  Feed a monkey?

3.  Childish – what did 0 say to 8?

    I honestly don’t know.

    Okay… I know… I had to Google it. 

    Is it “Nice Belt!”?

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Dennis P asked me another boob question (C’mon people… how old are we?  The answer is:  “Never too old to talk about boobs”):

Was your first glimpse of Bunny boob as amazing as you had built it up to be?

Yes.  In every sense of the word.  I think for every man whose mind has prepared itself for complete sensory overload is still never quite ready for the full reveal! 

My wife is the epitome of what I fantasized about when I was a pubescent teenager.  When my teenage fantasies became reality as a dorky adult… I can’t say I didn’t give myself a few high-fives!

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Joseph, a new reader, asked me these questions:

1. I don’t have a website, but I know a lot of people who blog and they tell me that I should start a blog but I don’t even know how to do it, what would you suggest?

     My sister peaked my interest two years ago while I was getting sucked into her blog: One Thing (which she hasn’t blogged on in a while… but she used to).  I approached her with the same question and basically she just told me to “do it”.  So, what I’m saying is there’s no real special advice I can think of as far as getting started… it’s staying motivated that’s the real trick.  I say that I blog for the fun of it and to hone my own writing skills but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care how many readers I have.

     One thing that I’ve learned is that once you go live with your blog you’re not going to instantaneously have 1,000 readers!!  You actually have to work at getting and keeping them!!  That was something I wasn’t honestly prepared for but something I’ve learned a lot about since becoming a famous blogger.

2. My blogger friends tell me that they have made some great friendships through blogging, is that true for you too?

     I wouldn’t classify any of my blog friends as GREAT friends because we don’t really know each other on a personal level outside of the blogosphere… but I’ve definitely made some good blogging buddies.  That isn’t to say that if I ever did meet any one of them in person we wouldn’t wind up being the most awesomest friends but it just hasn’t happened yet.

3. What are some good blogs you would suggest for someone to start following and why?

     I have a page tabbed at the top of this blog called Papa K’s Friends… these are the blogs and websites I would recommend.  I haven’t updated it in a little bit as there are a few I’d like to add but for the most part it’s my complete list.

4. if you could die laying on boobs, whose would you choose Kim Kardashan’s or your wife’s

     As much as I like to bring up Kim Kardashian and her amazing body of work… I would never choose her over my wife.   My wife and I have “The List” and play around with the idea of “what if” but in all reality if for some reason I was set to meet my maker and had one last thing to snuggle between before crossing into the hereafter I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than between my wife’s melons.

… but there are probably quite a few gents you wouldn’t mind gasping their last breath with their chin firmly rested on her sternum…

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Finally, KristieMae asked these last two questions:

1. What are three things that you enjoy now as an adult, that when you were a kid you would have never in a million years guessed you would enjoy? (I’m not talking about anything with your wife or your daughter, just every day average things.)

Great (and fun) question Kristi!

First thing that come to mind is writing.  I used to hate writing as a kid.  It bored me to tears.

Secondly: reading.  I still don’t read A TON but I read a lot more than I used to.  It make me feel smarter and it’s good to perfect your writing skills as well.

Lastly: Beer.  As a kid, I may have curiously had a few sips of my brother’s beer or something during a family holiday and was disgusted at how something so disgusting could be drunk in such high numbers! 

2. What is one thing that you loved as a kid and that you still love as an adult?

Movies and watching television.  Most of my life we had scratchy TV channels on a 13-inch television.  When I moved out of the house I was never more ecstatic to get cable and watch in on A 25 INCH TV!!!

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Hey there!  You made it to the end!

I guess now you want to know who won the $20 gift card, eh?

After a random drawing of all the question contributors on Random.org it came up with…

Look at this hilarious demotivational poster:

What?  You want to know who won?  Oh, right.  The winner is….

CHOPPERPAPA!!  Congrats man… you get a $20 gift certificate to the store of your choice!  Just in time for Christmas!!  Email me your address at papak4324@live.com along with where you’d like the gift certificate to and I’ll get it in the mail ASAP!

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12 responses to “Papa K Grants You The Wish Of (Exhaustively) Answering Your Questions!! Part Four

  1. “Never too old to talk about boobs” Bwahahahahahaha!! That cracked me up!

    I know knitting is to you what Nascar is to me. And for your sake, I appologize. But I have readers who like the knitting. And to be honest, when the kids are screaming and I really want to type a deeply inspired blog post but can’t, it’s easier to load a fe w knitting pics while I burse the baby and then hit publish. 😉

    Yes, your picture is coming. Really. (Ok, I haven’t taken it yet, but I’ve thought about it!)

    Oh, and the dude with the sperical balls – ha! And may I ask, how come it’s all perfectly semmetrical down on that guy? Wtf? Where is his penis? If I can’t see it in a pair of tighty-whiteys I am guessing you don’t have one.

    No, I will not knit a penis cozy for you. That would be weird. However, I did find a pattern (completely by accident, I was NOT searching for this) for a “penis chapstick holder”. There are about 200 projects on Ravelry (knitter’s dream internet site). One of them (I HAD to look through them) actually used “hairy” yarn for the balls. Ew.

    I had one “biter” too. It made me afraid to nurse. Not a good feeling (I’m sure for him either). My boys are also the only ones who want to nurse again (after being weaned) when the new baby comes along. Really. Loveyman cries (he’s 2) when he doesn’t get to lay in my lap b/c the baby needs me more. 😛 Boys.

  2. So SO very funny. Thank you for making me laugh this morning, little brother!

  3. Oh, my god! You actually took the time to thoughtfully answer all these questions! Impressive, man, impressive. Your blogging answer is right on. First step= just do it! I flex in the mirror after sweet sweet love, too. 🙂

  4. I’m going to have to find Mama Midwife’s site — I adore knitting, too!! (you just heard “blah blah blah) I can’t believe you answered all those questions!! That pic of you and your wife is way too cute! I love that she knew right away — I did as well. My husband likes to pretend he didn’t know, but I suspect he knew (and I suspect you did, too) 🙂

  5. Lol, that must have been very tiring for you. but also a great project and something to keep ya busy, besides your daughter having you watch yo gabba gabba.

  6. I can see why this took you a while, that was a lot of work.

    I lean more towards the commando in the under-wear realm. I just need to be careful not to pull a Something about Mary with the zipper…

    Thanks for the gift card!

  7. Papa K, what a nice belt you have. 😉 I enjoyed your offbeat answers to my questions. Did I make you THINK on how to answer them? Hehe

  8. Very funny post. I liked the part about “bisquits and gravity”. Believe it or not, years ago a friend of mine bought one of those…um…knitted “cozies” at a church Christmas bazaar!! She commented that it was a joke present for her hubby’s stocking and that it was “much too big”.

  9. Dude. I sent pictures. I is not on da fanroll?? What up yo?

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