I just turned 31 about two weeks ago.
As of right now… I’m not showing my age. I think I’ve turned back into a seven-year-old.
It’s 8:34 AM on Christmas morning. My wife and two-year-old daughter are still sleeping soundly while I’ve been awake since 5AM.
What’s wrong with this picture?
As a child I believed in Santa Claus and waited in silent SCREAMING anticipation for morning to roll around when I’d be able to tear into my presents like a starving animal gutting its prey.
Now, I’m an adult… the anticipation of seeing my wife and kid tear into the presents I have bought for them has replaced the animalistic thirst for presents of my own.
This Christmas season, I had finished my shopping almost completely before we’d even entered the month of December! The tree was decorated, the stockings were hung and the presents were wrapped well before the ides of the month! I’ve been ready for my family to open their presents FOR LIKE… A WHOLE MONTH NOW!!! And now, as I write this, it is only 12 minutes later from when I last wrote the time!
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!! THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!
Yes… I realize that Christmas isn’t about getting presents or seeing how much money you can spend… but, c’mon… it’s fun to cut loose once a year and see how much debt you can accumulate!
As a child, Christmas was (as it should always be) more about quiet reflection and getting “presents” that “taught me something” or functional items as opposed to presents that operated on one brainwaves. But… I wanted the present that operated on one brain wave! In fact, that’s all I wanted! I didn’t want the “completely life-size, fully functional, visible V8 engine model” or the sleek set of wooden cassette tape containers. I wanted the plastic moose that “pooped” jelly beans or the Donatello action figure from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Perhaps as a result of consistently never really getting what I wanted as a kid plays a role in how I Christmas shop today. In an effort to ensure I will never disappoint I buy EVERYTHING THEY WANT! I generally think I’m a fairly stingy guy… but when Christmas comes, as a way to make up for lost time and to even the scales of my squandered Christmas youth, all bets are off.
Now, I’ve been waiting a month for the presents I bought to reveal themselves to the hungry eyes of my wife and child AND THEY’RE STILL SLEEPING!!! THEY SHOULD BE THE ONE’S BEGGING ME TO GET UP!!!!
I think time is actually going backwards.
This is excruciating.
Merry Christmas everyone… I’ll be here… waiting……………………….