Last year, I made a resolution to get back in “pre-Papa K” shape… I failed.
Lastly, as sort of an afterthought, I wanted to get DLG potty trained in a years time… mission accomplished.
I guess that two out of three ain’t bad.
So, that begs the question… what am I going to resolve to do this year?
I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo on my face or learn how to hang from my scrotum and channel the pain into small energy bursts I can throw at pencil-thin moustached bad guys… but I don’t know how reasonable those resolutions are.
I could always resolve to sell my soul in exchange for Ryan Reynolds abs… but I know I won’t do it. Mainly because my soul is worth much more to be than some well-defined abdominal muscles and I’m pretty sure than Ryan Reynolds employs a sorcerer to keep himself looking like that.
Ryan Reynolds abs: a source of good eating habits and proper exercise… or the product of evil black magic and ancient sorcery? I chose the latter.
If I want to attain something of consequence in the year 2011, I have to strive to do something that is no SO far-fetched that it’s unattainable yet something that requires a modicum of effort not normally achieved during my normal, every day routine.
So, while I certainly will try to feel as though I am again living in my 21-year-old body, I am going to accomplish these goals for the 2011 AD:
– I’m going to stop drinking AMP Energy Drink.
Amp Energy Drink: if I continue… I fear it will kill me eventually
This shit is addicting and for some reason I fell into its magnetic pull. I wake up in the morning NEEDING IT as I’m sure some people need their morning coffee. Well… I’m done. One day fifty years from now, everyone who regularly drank energy drinks is going to unexplainably self-destruct. I’m sure of it and for this reason I need to stop.
– I’m going to write a book
Now… I didn’t say I was going to get a book published or say if it was going to be a children’s book or even if it was only going to be two pages… all I’m saying is that I’m going to write a book. It’s going to be epic.. would you expect anything less from me?
I’ll even give you a sneak peak by giving you the title I’ve tirelessly struggled with for weeks: “To Kill A Mockingbird”. Pretty catchy, eh?
– The Papa K Family is going to move
We unsuccessfully tried to sell our house this year but that has not squelched the desire for us to pick up and move to a new place. We’ve lived in our starter home since October 2005 and while it’ll always hold a special place in our hearts… there’s no more rooms to try and make babies in so we need a bigger house with more rooms.
Bunny hates my “Dole” shirt
While Bunny has a never-ending checklist of amenities for a new house… I have only one: I need a man-cave.
– It would be really great to get a celebrity to submit to my Fanroll
I plug my damn Fanroll constantly with minimal participation… and that’s cool. I get that people are busy and it’s asking a lot of readers to take pictures of themselves proving their devotion to me (then emailing them to me at email@example.com). I get it. Really I do. But I would poop my pants if I got even a semi-famous, Z-list celebrity (Any band member from O-Town, etc.) to submit their picture to my fanroll.
I know, I know… you’re saying, “But Papa K… they put on their pants one leg at a time just like you!”
Yes, I’m aware of that… don’t rain on my parade.
So, those are my resolutions for 2011. Which of mine are you looking most forward to coming to fruition? What are your resolutions? Do you want to submit a picture to my Fanroll? What is the capitol of Uranus?
Seriously folks, thanks for reading me this year… I’ve got lots of stuff planned for 2011 to write about and I’m happy you’re here along for the ride.
If you’re going to spend NYE out on the town than be safe out there. As my dad would say, “There’s a bunch of idiots out on the road tonight.”