Did You Look In Your Butt?

I’m five.  I’ll admit it.  I chuckle every time I fart and laugh when some poor sap gets kicked in the crotch on America’s Funniest Home Videos.  I can’t help it and I think it’s okay for me to do so because I don’t try to act like it’s not funny.

Sometimes when Bunny is in another room, I’ll strip down to my underwear and then create a makeshift pair of thong underwear with my boxer briefs and then walk by her as if nothing has happened like this:

Crap.  The image of myself in a makeshift pair of thong underwear has been deleted by my blog provider.  Oh well… moving on…

When I walk by her I might say something like, “Do you like my body?” to get her attention.

She’ll slowly adjust her gaze from what ever she’s doing while saying, “What are you talking abo……… OH GAWD!!!! WHAT IF THE NEIGHBORS WALKED IN!!”

Anyway… I’m telling you all this to illustrate my adolescent nature and penchant for being shockingly semi-crude sometimes.  From this semi-crude/adolescent behavior has evolved perhaps my most favorite saying which in answer to most any question brings a grin to the five-year-old boy stuck in a 31 year-old body.

Lets say, my wife and I are walking out of the supermarket and she can’t remember where she parked the car.  “Honey,” she’ll ask, “Do you remember where I parked the car?”

I’ll respond, “Uh… no.  Did you look in your butt?”

Another example could be that Bunny and I are frantically trying to find DLG’s birth certificate because we need to get a copy of her social security card we seem to have misplaced.  At the height of extreme frustration, when nothing seems to be going right, Bunny will probably scream something like, “AAAARRRRG!!! Where did we put that damn thing!!”

I’ll quietly and confidently ask her, “Did you look in your butt?”

Perhaps one day when I’m the smartest man on the planet (as a result of some highly controversial science experiment) and a contestant on the show “Jeopardy”, Alex Trebek will ask me under “Cat Anatomy” for $600:  “In one theory, purring comes from membranes in the throat called ‘false’ these.”

I’ll buzz in and say, “What is ‘Did you look in you butt’, Alex?”

Alex Trebek: hasn’t looked in his butt

Regardless of whether you’re a goody-two-shoes or not, you have to admit that replying to someones question with such an off-the-wall answer makes you want to bust out laughing.

I’m serious!!  Just try it!  I want you all to try it out and come back here and tell me how it went.

If you say, “Papa K… I’ve got better things to do that ask that question!”

I’ll just say, “Like what?   Looking in your butt?”


9 responses to “Did You Look In Your Butt?

  1. I’ve actually used this phrase many times. Often I use the related “you would know where it is if it were in your butt!” Either phrase has not gone over well with my wife. It’s really surprising too because my wife is super cool. Maybe you just deliver the line better than I do!

  2. My four year old does this all the time.

    Me: He Gucci, did you hang up your coat?

    He Gucci: My butt hangs up coats, Mom.

    All. The. Time.

  3. so looking foward to raising my son. Really. 😉

  4. My husband says, “If it was in your @$$ you’d know where it was”.

    Makes the 10 yr old roll on the floor with laughter.

    Then the husband does too.

    Something is wrong with you guys.

    I don’t think we’re supposed to understand.

  5. Hahahaha… hubby and I use the line “If it was up your butt doing cheetah flips, you’d know where it is!” Have no clue why we do this or where it came from, but it cracks us up. It’s the little things I guess!

  6. I’m thankful for the strong moral fiber of your blog provider.

    My cousin had a slight twist on “looked in your butt”.

    Me: where did I put my keys?

    Cousin: if they were up your butt you’d know it.

  7. Sigh. That’s all (although I have to admit that the thought of you in makeshift thong underwear made me…recoil (I mean, laugh, yeah,…that’s what I meant: laugh)

  8. I hope you don’t mind if I steal that line! Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit 🙂

  9. We don’t use that phrase. But we do make up fun analogies for farting. Then River puts her own twist on it. For example: Paul will say, “Sounds like the butt captain just fired a warning shot across the bow.” or “Sounds like some butt pirates getting ready to walk the plank.” Or some other nordic reference. River turns that into: “Smells like a squirrel just set a skunk on fire!”
    I think hers are funnier.

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