Category Archives: Family Life

Fatherhood, Being a husband, love, family life and whatnot

A Dream Realized


We all have dreams.

Some of us might have aspirations to make lots of money, have a huge bubbly butt or meet Carson Daly.

TRL? More like “TRSEXY!”

One of my dreams, for a while, has been to have a man cave.

When Bunny and I began to search for a new house several months ago, my one and only request was to have a place to call my own.

I didn’t care what it turned out to be. It could have been a third garage, it could have been attic space, it could have been a closet, it could have been a freakin’ sod house for all I cared. I just wanted a place where I could get away. A place where I might be able to kick back, watch a baseball game and look at the newest swimsuit issu…. er, book with words in it (no pictures!).

We looked at what seemed like two billion houses. Some with a media room, some with a third garage, some with sheds in the back yard and one with what appeared to be a room where they kept their demon possessed child.

Since I’m a simple man with few requests when it comes to buying a house, I saw potential in each of these rooms (except the satanic one). I could imagine a projector and screen, a wall filled with nothing but a wide selection of movies and a space to set all my Texas Ranger’s paraphernalia. Each room would have been suitable for my needs… but Bunny couldn’t find what tickled her multiple fancies in any home.

Bunny needed an island in the kitchen, a floor plan that included a “mother-in-law plan”, a gas stove, bigger master closet (for all those damn shoes), an office, four bedrooms and cubby where she can store the lock of Justin Biebers hair she bought on eBay for $4,000.

My one request was indeed easier to fill than Bunny’s multiple needs because we eventually “settled” on a house that lacked the “mother-in-law plan” and cubby for her Justin Bieber lock of hair.

Unbelievably, it had the best man cave option of all.

So without further ado, allow me to let you (ladies included) to view within the confines of my man cave.

Looks fairly unassuming right?

BOOM! (Notice the manly Dora the Explorer seat next to the manly recliner)

What’s a man cave without an ode to his favorite professional team?

What’s a man cave without a wall FULL of autographed pictures of famous hotties! Okay… so it’s not full… YET. I’m working on it.

What’s a man cave without a line of autographed baseballs SURROUNDING the perimeter of the recessed lighting above? Okay… so it’s not surrounding the perimeter just yet… but I’m working on it.

What’s a man cave without a GIGANTIC television!!! Okay… so it’s not gigantic YET… I’m working on that too.

Quite frankly, before you get a judgey and say, “Well… that man cave doesn’t look all that spectacular!” just remember that we just moved in about a month ago. Aside from spending a small fortune on the movers, a new fence, a new refrigerator, a security system and a professionally installed stripper pole for Bunny’s strip aerobics I feel like the man cave looks pretty effing awesome.

My long-range plans include surround sound, a bar complete with bar stools, some theatre style seating, shag carpet and a piranha aquarium.

The man cave is a work in progress but it will always be a place where I can go to wind down and ponder the dreams I’ve been so lucky to see come together in my lifetime.

I must be doing something right.

Passing The Torch


Alright… after some slacking on my part I now am going to award the winner of some TattooID’s.  If you didn’t get a chance to read my review of this fine product then please do so! 

I just now did a random drawing at www.random.org of all those who made a comment on my review post of the product and the winner IS……..

KIM FROM BABY FEET!!  I think she’ll be able to put them to good use. 

Kim, email me at papak4324@live.com and I’ll forward your information to Steven who will then touch base with you.

Thanks everyone for your comments!

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I originally wrote this near the end of baseball season last year and it appeared as a guest post at “The (Virgins) Guide To Baseball” (which is an excellent read if you get a chance) but the purpose of piece is timeless so it doesn’t matter when I post it.  I thought it would be a good transitional post while I go into this week (February 15th – 21st) where I talk about the sport I love: baseball.

When my daughter first introduced herself to Bunny and I, it quickly became apparent that she didn’t like to take naps.

“What is wrong with our kid?” we asked, tired and droopy-eyed, to DLG’s pediatrician.  We knew there must have been a miracle cure for this “no-nap disease” SOMEWHERE!!

It wasn’t until successfully answering a barrage of questions that the doctor simply shrugged her shoulders and said, “Well… it appears that you have a baby genius on your hands!”

“What?” we both said in unison, “What would a kid who decides to give up naps at the tender age of three months be a baby genius?”

She proceeded to tell us that studies done over many years from when a baby is born to the time they graduate college show there is one unifying factor with ALL those finishing with an above average intelligence:  they gave up their naps at an extremely tender age.

Now, she is a doctor… so I wasn’t going to be one to argue with her.   I can’t say that my chest didn’t puff out a little more than normal as if to say, “Well… of course she’s a baby genius!?  What else is new?”

She proved this to be true.

She crawled at eight months, walked at ten months, knew all animal sounds and the alphabet at the age of one, put together full sentences at a year-and-a-half and is now, at the age of two, is able to memorize children’s books after having them read to her once and is nearly potty trained.

Yes, I know.  I’m a proud dad and being a bit braggadocios and for that I apologize.  But all these things fail in comparison the most important thing she’s learned:

Honey… who’s Daddy’s favorite team?” I’ll ask her.

Texas Rangers!!” she’ll say.

Wide-eyed and full of excitement I’ll respond, “That’s right!  Very good!  Now… who’s daddy’s favorite player?

Um… Josh… HAMILTON!!

After that response, I go for the kicker, “That’s right honey!  Now… what happens if we say, ‘Go Yankees!?’”

Her brow will furrow with a look of concern and she’ll say, “I go to time out”.

Just like the doctors said… she is a genius.

After the laughter from her (generally small) audience subsides, I hug her, kiss her and tell her that I love her very much and to please not grow up and be a Yankee fan… geniuses just don’t do that.

You see what I’m doing?  I’m pulling my kid into what I’m so passionate about.

I can’t imagine anything more special than sharing something I love with the little girl I helped create. Even though she’s a genius, she won’t fully comprehend all the idiosyncrasies the game provides… nor will she ever.

DLG moments before seeing her first Texas Rangers game

But that’s not even important to me.  What’s important to me is that it’s going to be something we can share together. 

Besides sharing her mother… I can’t think of much of anything more beautiful than that.

Well… a Texas Rangers World Series Championship trophy would be close…

Here’s to more baseball bonding moments

Valentines Day: A Day To Be Overly Smarmy


So here we are at another Valentines Day.

And, as always, I’ll join the mass of bloggers as they etch their words of love and affirmation for their loved ones in the vast, expansive blogosphere.

In my case, that loved one would be Bunny:

My Photos | Mindy

But, what makes this post so much different from any other post, is that I’m not rallying all of my efforts to get a multitude of people on my blog to read about my undying love and devotion to my wife.  This post is quite simply just for her.

So… read on if you like.  Otherwise this might get a little too smarmy for you.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So anyways…

Bunny: without saying too much of what I’ve already said over and over again, I love you with a deepness not even I can explain.  You have helped guide me into the person I’ve become today and I’m light years beyond what I ever thought I could be.

You carried our beautiful daughter for nine months and did it so gracefully.

 

The sacrifices you’ve made to keep this family operating the way it operates do not go unnoticed and I hope you know that one day you’ll see what a difference you’ve made in the lives of those who you care about the most.  Our daughter loves you and will continue to love you because of the person you are and the mother you’ve become.

Nothing make me more angry than someone who wrongly accuses your intentions.  I know the conditions of your heart and I would die to protect their integrity.  I’ve never been more ready to protect you than I have this past year.  I’m proud to say that it’s something I wasn’t quite sure I had in me and it’s the love we share that brought it out of me. 

Your personality can light up a room and your smile is like a 10,000 watt lightbulb.  Your beauty quite simply transcends time and I must say I’m quite proud of myself knowing that I “married up”.  You are the trophy wife to end all trophy wives… but your beauty is just a bonus.  It’s what’s inside of you that makes me keep falling in love with you over and over again.

All my love babe.

Thanks for being married to a five like me… even though you’re a ten.

PS – you have sweet boobs too.

Papa K Gets Trained


I’m a little behind on answering your questions.  I had requested everyone ask me questions before I came up with this idea to set each week in the month of February to talk about something/someone I love.  So that means that I won’t get around to answering the questions until March BUT I do need to award the random commenter their $15 iTunes gift card (or any other gift card they’d like) by commenting on either this post or this post).  So without further ado, the winner of the gift card generated from Random.org for simply asking me a question (or telling me who’s autograph they’d like) is……

CANDICE!!! 

Candice (who’s question I’m not sure how I’m going to answer) also has a hilarious blog you should check out (she’s also doing a $60 CSN giveaway on her blog you can enter).  Congrats Candice.  Let me know where to send the gift card by emailing me at papak4324@live.com.

Next post I’ll be giving away the TattooID’s so stay tuned for that…

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When I first met Bunny, I wasn’t the perfect picture of male chivalry for her.  In fact… I was quite the sloth.

I look back at the clothes I wore and the things I did and I’m not surprised that I hadn’t found the buxom Playboy bunny I’d always dreamed of running in to.

Case-in-point:

Or:

Yes… that’s me with a bleached goatee

I just needed a Playboy bunny to look past my t-shirts, khaki cargo pants, bleached goatee and beer breath and take on my charity case.   A charity case that I will assure you… was looking pretty bleak.

Then THE  ONE AND ONLY Bunny entered my life and decided to give it a shot.

No.  I haven’t been beat up.  That’s just the way I look in the morning.

I needed some training not only on how to dress but on how to operate with a woman in my life.  I had been a bachelor my whole life and while I wanted to settle down with a lady-friend I was oblivious to the ways a woman wants to be treated.  I just needed my eyes opened a little bit.

Bunny recalls one time many years ago when she was hanging out with me in my apartment and I got up, went to the kitchen, made a hideous TV dinner and sat back down next to her to eat it without asking her if she’d like anything!!!  Or when I left her to get a pop out of the pop machine without asking her if she wanted anything.

Not crimes of epic proportions I know… but relationship crimes nonetheless.  Whether most dudes want to admit it or not, it IS the gentlemanly thing to do to look out for your wife or girlfriend before you go looking out for yourself.

  

If you don’t carry your wife everywhere… then you ain’t a gentleman…

From the years I’ve been with Bunny, I haven’t only become a better person on the inside… but on the outside as well.  My chivalry and fashion sense are better and as much as some “manly” men wouldn’t want to admit it I believe that the wide majority of women like a well-dressed, polite guy.

Hey… who’s that guy with my wife!!!!  Oh yeah… that’s me.  In a sweater-vest.  Sweater Vests are sooooo gangsta.

Anywayz…

If you’re a chick… is being polite and attentive to your needs important?

If you’re a dude… do you think it’s wimpy or “un-manlike” to be sensitive and kind?

If you’re a hermaphrodite… do you get to decide if you want to pee standing up or sitting down?

Papa K Almost Blows It


I’m guest posting today over at Real World: Venus Vs. Mars.

In keeping with the theme for this week (Feb. 8th-14th: All about Bunny ), I’m disclosing all the information you’d ever want to know about my first official date with her.

FYI – I almost blew it.  At least… I thought I did.

Venus and Mars

It’s The First Day Of Bunny Week So I’m Going To Show Embarrassing Photos Of Her


Bunny is not at home right now.

So what better time for me to work on a post about her then?  In fact, since I’m going to be writing about her for the next week (between 2/8 and 2/14 as this my month to write about people/things I love), I thought I’d kick it off with some pictures that embarrass her.  I tend to filet myself quite often on this blog and I think I’d like to let you all feel a bit human in the sense that every picture that’s taken of her doesn’t look like this:

I also feel a bit like getting my ass kicked when she comes home so let’s get going before it’s too late.

First off:

 

You may be asking yourself, “What’s so bad about that picture?  She was a cute baby!”

Yes.  That is true.  What is particularly hilarious about this photo is the fact that the bow in her hair is attached by means of a large swatch of Scotch Tape:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So that one wasn’t overly hilarious… but this one is:

She’s giving me the “Come Hither” stare.

I conveniently forgot the camera when my bachelor party occurred.  Fortunately, for Bunny’s bachelorette party, everybody brought one:

Because really… who would want to forget ANYTHING that happened that night?!

And lastly:

I’m so dead.

Anyway, just to set the record straight, for every one of these embarrassing pictures there are about 2,000 pictures of her looking like this:

Or like this:

Or like this:

Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. for infinity ad nauseam.

I don’t really know what this post proves other than somehow I managed to marry someone exponentially better looking than me who once in a blue moon get’s a bad picture taken of her.  I guess that’s what I’ll shoot for.

Oh… and I wanted to show this picture again:

MY NECK!!!  It’s meeeeeelting!! IT’S MEEEEELLLLLTTTTTING!!!

For ever 2,000 amazing pictures of Bunny… there’s 4,000 of me looking like the picture above.

One Of Life’s Greatest Mysteries


For February (since it’s the month of LOVE) I’ve decided to dedicate each week in the month to someone/something I love.  February 1st – 7th have been dedicated to blogging about DLG.  Today is the last day in this month in which I exclusively blog about her… February 8th – 14th are dedicated to blogging about Bunny, one of which will be a guest post on Real World: Venus Vs. Mars… so stay tuned for that one!

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I loved the show “Unsolved Mysteries” as a kid.  Mysteries like the Philadelphia Experiment, The Loch Ness Monster or crop circles really get my mind wandering and wonder if some day these mysteries will ever be solved.

There is in fact one mystery in my own life I can’t figure out and am contemplating contacting some paranormal investigators or science detectives to get to the bottom of it. 

So… what is this mystery that has me so flummoxed? 

“When my kid is overly tired… why do they get MORE hyper?”

DLG has had the same nap schedule for years.  Generally, five hours after she wakes up in the morning she is yawning and ready to take a nap.  Sometimes we get thrown off schedule and she may have missed a nap the previous day or woke up extra early that morning or daddy was busy trying to get Kim Kardashian to respond to him on Twitter and didn’t notice what time it was.  Whatever the reason may be, she’s overly tired and it’s quite obvious.  My thought process tells me that, “She is soooooo going to crash”.

Oh-no.

Quite the opposite in fact.

An hour or so later, over the buzz of our baby monitor, I will still hear DLG be singing to herself, kicking the wall or “reading” to herself (even though it’s pitch black in her room).

In this situation, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how tired she is and if I go into her room and retrieve her from her bed she’ll be a grumpy, hyper little turd the rest of the afternoon because she is so tired.  Which begs the question, “If you’re tired… WHY DON’T YOU GO TO SLEEP!!!!”. 

When I’m tired I don’t get hyper!?  I get… sleepy.  And I go to sleep.  No mystery there.

But the real brainteaser is why a child, who’s little body can get so easily ravaged with exhaustion, suddenly seems to re-energize as if she’s happened upon a Super Mario “power-up” mushroom.

DLG fixin’ to get a second wind…

Is this problem prevalent in any other homes?  If so, we might have an all out, wide-spread conundrum on our hands.

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Don’t forget to come back tomorrow as it’s the first day I start writing about Bunny (and all her lovable “attributes”… hee hee) AND I’ll reveal the winner of the $15 iTunes gift card (it’s not too late to enter)!!  Also, in a separate contest I’m doing, you can enter to win some TattooID’s!  I’m like freakin’ Santa Claus!!

TattooID: Papa K’s First Endorsement Deal


The first seven days of February, I’m talking about my love for DLG.  It seems appropriate that endorse a new product aimed at keeping her safe. 

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I’ve been blogging for about three years now.  I think I’m allowed to consider myself somewhat vested in the blogging “industry”.  I have a decent following, I’ve guest posted for several established bloggers within the “community” and Jenny McCarthy follows me on Twitter (SWEET!).  Some people may stop there but I still think there’s room to grow.  I feel pretty good about myself and where this blog is going.

But, for a long while, I was discouraged at my ability to acquire one thing: an endorsement deal.

Now…  I’m not talking about getting paid millions to write about Nike, Sunny Delight, The Situation, Planters Peanuts or Hooters.  Well… maybe on second thought that is what I’m talking about because millions of dollars sounds pretty nice but I know that’s not going to happen within the next 48 hours (more than likely).

But that’s besides the point…

My blog happened to catch the eye of one particular teen entrepreneur named Steven Gordon who shot me an email.  Steven wanted to work me in a partnership with him where he would send me some free samples of his product and I would write about what I thought of them.

I was flattered.  Without really taking too much of a second thought I wholeheartedly agreed.

It was only after agreeing that I checked out his product website he provided in his email.

It seems that young Steven Gordon is doing quite a bit more with his life at age 18 than I’ve done in my 31 years further proving I really am a huge loser.

Steven has a company called “TattooID” that makes customizable, temporary tattoos that parents can place on their kids to help identify them in the event they get lost.  It sounds simple yet incredibly brilliant at the same time.  Hell… he’s even met the President regarding his company!

That’s Steven on the far right.  He’s also got a great video on his website that I wasn’t able to get correctly posted on this blog where he speaks directly to the President about his product!  Check it out.

He’s been featured on his local news station as well as various other forms of media.

If you’re any kid (like my kid) who loves temporary tattoos, then this is a way to ensure that in the rare, yet incredibly gut-wrenching moment where you happen to lose track of your kid in the mall, at the amusement park or at your next rave then your child will have a way to find his or her way back to you.

How does it work?  Well… it’s certainly not a child leash.  I’ll show you.

Steven was nice enough to send me a few personalized tattoos of which DLG was more than happy to put on:

DLG: TattooID’s new spokesgirl

Moments after the application

The tattoo reads: “My name is S.K.  If I’m lost, please call 800-PAPAKROX” (That’s not my real phone number… I only wish it was)

You’ll notice that only your childs initials are given as a means to protect them and your phone number is given so a call can be made the minute he or she is found.  You may remember as a child having your parents put a piece of paper in your pocket with their contact information before going on a school field trip, etc… this is just a more radical way of doing it.

Now, I was instructed by Steven to “place the tattoo in a secure location where they are easily accessible and not openly visible like under a t-shirt sleeve”.  I quite simply flubbed that instruction by placing the tattoo on the back of her hand… but I think it serves the same purpose. 

I did however have to remove the tattoo I had placed on her forehead:

And her nose:

 

Up to this point, the next logical step would be to lose DLG at the mall and see if anyone called me.  Alas, I was not willing to take this endorsement THAT far but I trust in an instance (God forbid) where it did happen then the TattooID would live up to what I imagine it was created for: to get my daughter back in my arms AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.



I think these tattoos have the potential to be one of those things all of us look at (like Post-It notes) in twenty years and be like, “Why the hell didn’t I think of that?”  It is so simple, yet so incredibly smart… especially for an 18-year-old high school kid with no kids of his own.

If you’re interested in purchasing some of these for your kids, Steven has a various number of templates you can personalize.  The tattoos are priced very modestly (with free shipping!) in sets of ten.

I am also conducting a giveaway for one lucky reader.  All you have to do is comment on this post and you’ll be entered to win your own personalized TattooID’s for your kid(s).  Once a winner is chosen then I’ll contact you for the information you’d like on your TattooID.

When it comes to securing your child’s safety, reassuring your mind with one of these really helps.

Oh… and DLG had something to say about her TattooID’s:

You can check out everything you want to know about TattooID’s on Stevens website.

And you can also follow the progress of TattooID on Twitter and Facebook.

A Papa K Archieve Pick: My Little Girl’s Poem


I wrote this poem over two years ago and it still brings a tear to my eye as I read it.  I remember having gone through so much emotionally back then and this poem really nails it.  It seemed perfect to add to this week of posts that I’ve dedicated to DLG:

 

As I sit here and hold you in the dark

And you sleep in my arms

I can’t stop looking at your beautiful face.

It looks so peaceful and calm

I can tell what great care God took

To shape the curves of your face.

The effects of the world have had no bearing on your look.

 

As I run my hand along the curve of your cheek,

Your skin feels as smooth as a ceramic vase.

You do not make a single sound,

For your dream must be a good one.

I rub my finger across your tiny eyebrows

And I think “I’ve never noticed how lovely they are” until now.

I continue to run my hand through your fine hair

And wonder how you could get any more picturesque.

I trace the outline of your perfectly sculpted ear

And think it’s a shame they’ll be covered by your hair before too long.

 

As I place my hand on your chest to feel you breath you let out a sigh.

It’s a sigh of comfort and of content.

A tear comes to my eye

Because I feel I have done my duty to comfort you

And I wish someone was there to comfort me.

Then almost as immediately as that thought comes to my mind

I realize it to be true.

 

You see, little daughter of mine,

There is Someone who holds me too.

He holds me close to His heart and knows I am a beautiful creation

He is always there and I am wrapped in His arms

Through this dream that is my life

He runs His hand along my cheek and through my hair

He listens to me breath in the same I listen to you

He stills His breath when I squirm

And smiles when I let out a contented sigh

He tightens His hold when my dreams become nightmares

And soothes me as I find my way through them

Tears come to His eyes

Because he knows how hard they must have been.

But He is there to comfort me through

As I will be here to comfort you through yours.

One day, many years from now, when I wake from my dream

He will still be holding me.

“Well, good morning” He’ll say,

“Tell me about your dream.”

 

It’s getting late now

And I wish these moments could last forever.

Because even as I hold you

You’re growing up too fast.

You won’t even remember these moments that we had

But I forever will.

And what you may not know now

Is that He holds you close to His heart as well

Because you are his beautiful child too.

 

Oh little child of mine

I wish I knew how you

Who knows so little

Could teach me so much.

From this dream and beyond,

I love you endlessly

 

Cabin Fever Ain’t So Bad


Happy February.  Since this is the month that contains Valentines Day, I’ve decided to dedicate each week of this month to someone/something I love.  The 1st – 7th of this month are dedicated to my beautiful daughter: DLG.

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Usually around this time of year we’ve been hit with a few snowstorms here and there and getting snowed on it old news.  However, this winter has been unusually tame for Oklahoma and our local TV weathermen have just been chomping at the bit to freak out the entire population.  This week they got their chance.  They successfully got everyone flipped out with their “State of Emergency 2011” or “We’re All Going To Die 2011”.  It’s always extremely laughable to me at how freaked out people around here get when we get a foot of snow.  The grocery stores are ransacked, people don’t know how to drive and some resort to cannibalism.  It’s just freakin’ ridiculous.

Anyway, I work from home and Bunny’s work got cancelled so we were stuck inside our nice warm bungalow while the snowy winds blanketed our neighborhood in nice, fluffy snow.

I’ve said this before, but one of the greatest things about having a kid is being able to experience everything through their eyes.

Case in point:

Elapsed time in which we were outside in the snow: 2 minutes.

Temperature outside: 2 degrees.

We needed hot tea to unfreeze DLG’s face:

Being trapped at home, I had to resort to turning our entire living room into one huge bed:

Living all day in your pajamas gets rough:

Happy we were able to scrounge up enough food rather than eat each other, I took in “Despicable Me” with DLG in our living-room-bed:

Maybe we should move to Alaska.