Category Archives: Food and Drink

Food and Drink… why do you need a description

What Totally Does It For Me Right Now?

AMP Energy Drink (Lightning)

I never thought I could get addicted to caffeine… but what AMP has shown me is that I was way off base.  Being a former Red Bull employee/drinker I never though I would stray from the brand that created the energy drink market but one fine morning several months ago I discovered this elixir that forced its way into my morning routine.

The only bright spot in my morning and on my trip to work is the excitement that builds in my chest waiting for those first gulps of this liquid happiness.  I cannot and do not attempt to drink my AMP until I am sitting at my desk, my computer has finished loading and my morning prayers are complete.  This routine is truly a product of my OCD because if for some reason I drank my AMP on the way to work or before I finished my prayers… I would feel extremely guilty.  Why?  I don’t know… that’s just the way I am and on my list of OCD issues… this causes me no anxiety.

Weekends are a problem because the convenience of me traveling to work and by a 7-11 is no longer there, so I’m forced to extricate myself from my house to the 7-11 that houses these golden energy drink bouillons and release from my grasp the $2.27 it costs to buy one.

7-11… convenience store or a vicious black hole to lose all your money on caffeine enriched soda hybrids… you decide…

In fact… I am so addicted to these that I gave up my lunch money I withdrew at the beginning of every week in order to vindicate buying these every morning.  I used to withdraw a certain amount of money for lunch through the week… now I pack my lunch and save that money for my morning AMP.  In the long run… It actually saves money for us and I get to eat healthier AND I get an AMP!!  It’s a winning combination.

At around 9AM every weekday morning… I get real depressed because that’s around the time I usually find the last carbonated bubbles at the bottom of my legal crack juice.  It is at that time I’m forced to forge on through the day, depending on the pounds of sugar, B vitamins, guarana, ginseng and taurine I just ingested to keep me awake and focused.  Usually it lasts for a couple hours and then… I crash… and so does my face… on my keyboard. 

My AMP thoughts are quickly replaced by decidedly more awesome thoughts of making it home, playing with Daddy’s Little Girl and mugging down on Bunny after DLG goes to sleep.  These are much more valuable things than this stupid drink… but for one period of time during the work week… I can hardly contain my excitement.  I’m focused on that feeling the nerves in my lips get when that sharp feeling of a newly opened AMP hits them, races down my throat, magically gives me a head change, then turns into pee about 30 minutes later.


The Great Black Taco

I have a penchant for Mexican food.  In fact… I love it.  It’s my favorite type of food.

Tacos – I love to munch their crunch

Burritos – Yummy in my tummy

Tamales – Too sexy for their corn husk

Chips and salsa – Gift from the gods

Chimichangas – fried burrito anyone?  I’ll take two!

Sopapillas – fried bread + sugar = recipe for awesomeness

Enchildas – I’m literally so hungry thinking about enchiladas I have created one with the intense power of my mind right here in front of me… I didn’t know I could do that.  I’ll have to use that later.

Anyway… when a commercial for a new Taco Bell black taco flashed on the TV my ears perked up like a hyena when it hears a rotten antelope laying there waiting to be devoured (just go with it).  This taco was like a normal Taco Bell taco… yet black.  How fascinating!  I was immediately drawn in.  I came to find out from further watching the commercial that, instead of regular yellow processed cheese, they use white processed cheese.  Then to add to the total mind explosion they add some sort of pepper jack cheese sauce.  I’m telling you… I could hardly wait to wrap my mouth around this new sinister looking black taco.

Happiness in a crispy shell… or is it?

I rolled into Taco Bell the other day to try this evil version of the more innocent looking (and suddenly boring) golden taco.  I ordered three along with several packets of their fire sauce.

I didn’t want to wait to get back to the office to consume them so I pulled into a parking space and tore into the first one.

It really didn’t taste that much different than a regular taco.  I was disappointed.  I felt as though the excitement portrayed in the commercial for this incredible, new Mexican invention that transcended time and space was fake

A black taco that tastes like a regular taco!  What’s so cool about that?  It’s just black?  All it does is leave black residue between your teeth and an empty feeling in your heart.

I felt gypped.

Who comes up with this stuff? 

It was at that moment that I realized I succumbed to some modern day witchcraft called “marketing”.  How could I have been so stupid?

I drove out of my normal roaming area to actually spend my hard earned money on this  evil black taco that tasted just like a regular golden and more spiritual golden taco.

I started thinking this wasn’t the first time Taco Bell had drawn me in with their witchcraft/marketing.  They used to have this thing called a double-decker taco that was essentially a bean burrito with a taco slapped inside of it!  They also used to have a cheesy beef burrito that was practically a regular beef burrito except it had so much more cheese!

I placed the other two black tacos inside my stomach never to bother me again and drove back to work ashamed that Taco Bell had drawn me in once again.  It took contributing my hard earned cash to the witches cauldron before I realized the fault of my ways.  There’s not much I can do now… just move on.

Taco Bell… fast food establishment or witchcraft factory?  You decide.

Beware the black tacos in your life my friend.  Before you know it… it may be too late.  Heed my warning and beware.  I beg you.

Did I mention I’m in marketing?