Category Archives: Tattoos, Tatooing and the People Who Get Them

Once you get one… you can’t stop

Tattooing Your Toddler The Right Way

As DLG nears her third birthday, her mother and I wonder when she’s going to start inquiring about when she might be able to pierce her ears (like her daddy).  I’m not one to go and pierce her ears before she’s able to tell me that’s what she wants.  In my humble opinion, once she’s reached an age she can make that kind of decision, I think she should ask for it.

She asks for oatmeal in the morning… so I give it to her.

She asks to go to the potty… so I take her.

She asks me why baby’s cry… I tell her it’s because they don’t have a daddy like me.

She asks me “Daddy, if you have two blocks of clay in cube form and the edges are 10 cm then how many spheres with a radius of 5 cm can you make with that amount of clay?”… I tell her three.

She’s reaching an age where she can make decisions and ask hard questions.  Who am I to hold her back from what she wants or wants to know?

She told me she wanted some tattoos just like me today… so I took her to my tattoo guys and she came away with a pretty awesome tattoo sleeve:

She said she wanted “hearts and stars and rainbows all up and down” her arm… so that’s what I made sure she received.

Before you go getting all judgemental on me for getting my kid tattooed before she’s even in preschool then I challenge you to a fist fight in the Wal-Mart parking lot… no one challenges my parenting abilities.  I just want my beautiful daughter to be happy.  If tattoos are what she wants… then tattoos are what she gets.  That’s the right way to do things.

Oh… before we left the tattoo shop she said she wanted to get a big heart tattoo on her tummy so I let her get one of those too:

I’m… so… proud… of her!!!



What do you think of toddler tattooing?
then x = ?


Does Your Baby Have Pierced Ears? Why Not A Tattoo?

I’m actually guest posting over at Almighty Dad today.

The post is about my seething irritation at how some parents get their newborn’s ears pierced mere seconds after cutting the umbilical cord.

I went a step further and let DLG get her first tattoo the other day.

Read about it over at Almighty Dad.

Or click his cool little caricature of himself:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

The Six Stages Of Getting Tattooed

All of my (6) readers may remember this post where I asked your opinion on what tattoo I should get next.

My idea of getting “Est. 1979” across the top of my back was pretty much universally hated… that’s fine… I appreciate the advice.

This idea = poop

I also wanted to continue the work it would take to complete my Marvel superhero leg sleeve with an additional character: The Hulk


The majority of you liked the idea of me taking the plunge to continue the work on my leg sleeve.  I can’t say that I would blame you guys for wanting me to do that.  I, of all people, am ready for the damn thing to be finished.

But, in the end, I wound up going with my idea that was commented on the least!  I don’t know if everyone thought the tattoo was ridiculously tacky to get or if everyone just thought that I must have thrown it in there as sort of means to push you into commenting strongly towards one of the other ideas.

Truth being, I’ve wanted this tattoo to come to fruition for a long time.

So I set the appointment.

I’ve been tattooed enough now to be familiar with the six stages I go through in the time preceding, during and after getting tattooed.

Stage 1:  Excitement

Usually happens on the drive over to the shop.  Realizing that my body is going to be forever changed is somewhat of a rush.  I get a little bored looking at the same old skin in the mirror every morning.  I also have this (rather warped I suppose) idea that tattoos make me cooler, sexier or a more like a Billy Badass.

Stage 2:  Fear

This happens when I’m sitting there watching my tattoo artist ritualistically prepare his work area with all the necessary sanitary elements and remove all the needles from their packaging and snap them into his tattoo guns.  What a lot of people do know, whether you’ve had a tattoo or not, is that getting tattooed hurts!  As much as people may sugar-coat it with promises of minimal pain… they’re lying.  In addition to the anticipation that comes with unescapable pain comes some second-guessing: “Is this really what I want?  I mean… it’s going to be on my body forever!!”

Stage 3:  Pain

This time I had my ribs done.  I’d heard from all circles that getting your ribs tattooed hurts the worse.  So, before the needle hit my skin for the first time, the anticipation for the onslaught of 2+ hours of dull, grating pain to a tender area like your ribs… is mind-blowing.

Perhaps I was prepared for the worst… because it didn’t hurt as bad as I had anticipated.  But it still hurt like a sonofabitch.

Stage 4:  Closing Minutes SUPER Pain

This usually happens during the last ten minutes or so.  I can see that there’s only a few more areas to shade in or perhaps a tad more shadowing has to go in to provide a little more depth.  The end is near.  I can see the finish line.  And my skin starts to lose some of its (what I would describe as) mind-induced protection. 

You see, the brain is a powerful thing, in the minutes preceding a tattoo, it’s almost as if your brain can talk your skin into “dulling” itself.  It prepares your nerve endings for the hellish hours of tattooing by “ratcheting” down the pain scale a little bit.  It makes the pain more bearable.  But… in the closing minutes, it’s almost as if your brain gets the memo to “return nerve endings to normal pain capacity” too soon and you feel EVERYTHING at its worst.  Those final ten minutes are the most painful.

Stage 5:  Complete Relaxation

When I hear the snap of my artist’s rubber gloves being removed and he says, “Alright, why don’t you take a look”… my asshole immediately returns to its normal flaccid self, my back stops being clenched, I quit scrunching my nose as if I’d just repeatedly stubbed my toe and my stomach stops tightening as when I (don’t ever) do sit-ups.

Post-tattooing relaxation is better than sex. 

Okay… maybe not but it’s pretty close.

Stage 6:  Post Tattoo Euphoria (Or Regret)

Finishing a tattoo gives me some sort of feeling of accomplishment… although I don’t know why because I didn’t really do anything but sit there and get prodded with a sharp needle repeatedly over 5,000 times.  The image you have in your mind of what the tattoo is going to look like plastered on your body will either be everything you’d hoped for (maybe more) or a raging disappointment.  If you’ve been tattooed enough you know better how to avoid the latter.  But if you don’t know what you’re doing or didn’t do your research beforehand you could wind up with something like this:

A far cry from what I came away with yesterday:


She’s a baseball girl.  A Texas Rangers baseball girl at that derived from a bit of art I’ve admired for a while:

There’s still work to be done.  The flesh tones and the blue hat along with some shading here and there will round it out.  Also… I want to make her boobs bigger.  I’m kidding.  I had to leave the session early because it was DLG’s bedtime and I had to get home to put her down so it will be another couple of weeks or months before you’ll get to completely see the finished product.

Now that I’m done with the six stages I can admire the handwork from every angle, every position and scrutinize it to the 1000th degree.  I’m actually very pleased with what I got… it fulfilled my expectations and probably exceeded them a little bit.


I  look forward to your comments i.e. “I HATE IT!!” or “I LOVE IT” or “I’M DISOWNING YOU” (probably from my mother). 

Your tattooed piece of white trash:

Papa K

Top Three Tattoos To Consider If You’re a Douche

Before I get started on this list… I’d like to point out that I have a douche tattoo:

Yes… that is a badly faded tribal scorpion that’s apparently about to pounce on my tasty, pre-cancerous mole.  Also… quit looking at my tiny nipple.  I know that it keeps staring at you but you be the bigger person and just look away.

So if you want to get mad and huffy because you may already have one of the dreaded tattoos I’m about to mention… then just remember that I have also defamed myself before getting starting.  Although… I still don’t think a tribal scorpion is anywhere near AS douchey as these.

Panther or Lion or Shark Or Dragon or Other Ravenous Beast “Ripping” Out From Underneath Your Skin:


I don’t really understand what’s trying to be said here.  Other than trying to “trick” the public into believing that you actually have an animal tearing out from your insides.  Perhaps someone would get it to represent being “animalistic” or perhaps they may be all calm on their exterior and have a wild beast literally screaming to be unleashed from inside their rear deltoid or from behind their spinal cord.

I suppose the notion of it is cool i.e. “cool piece of artwork made to look as though it’s actually tearing your skin”… but it doesn’t translate that way for me.  If you wanna create an optical illusion tattoo that makes someone do a double-take then try finding an artist good enough to do something like this:

While this is still a “tearing skin” tattoo it doesn’t have the same douchey qualities of a wild boar bursting from your skin… rather, it appears as though you had a horrible motorcycle accident in which your skin was raked off and *SURPRISE* you’ve got a Spiderman suit underneath there!  Well I’ll be derned…

Or this:

I’d wake up every morning screaming in fear that there was a spider on my foot big enough to cast a shadow…

Barbed Wire (Around The Bicep In Particular):

His muscle seems somewhat deflated… perhaps it was the barbed wire…

Other than Pamela Anderson… I’ve never seen this tattoo look even remotely cool on anyone else!  I believe that barbed wire was the first real cult tattoo (of my generation anyway).  I seem to remember when I was a young little jerk that a lot of people had it and I actually thought they were cool at the time! 

What happened?  Were you riding on your pet jaguar and got tangled in a fence line?  It screams “HELLO, I’M A DOUCHE”.

Superman Logo:

Not surprisingly… Googling “douchebag” brings up this guy…

Alright… I have a Marvel superhero leg sleeve so I’m not beyond wanting to get superhero stuff forever inked into my skin.  But for me,  if you’ve tattooed the superman logo on you and not just perhaps some artwork of Superman, then you’re conveying to the masses that YOU are Superman!  Who is Superman?  He’s the man of steel!  He can stop bullets with his eyeballs!  He can fly!  At the speed of light no less!  Jump tall building in a single bound and fart so hard it blows the toupee off your step-dad.  Are we all to assume, if you’ve gotten this tattoo, that you’re THAT cool!  No one is that cool my friend… not even you.

It’s also TOTALLY unoriginal.


Now it’s your turn.  Agree with me.  Argue with me.  Offer your opinion on other tattoos.  Your two cents needed.

What Tattoo Should Papa K Get Next?

Yes… I always refer to myself in the third person… don’t you?

Day twenty-one of 30 blogs in 30 days (I’m in the HOME STRETCH!)


My Father’s Day present rocked.

Bunny presented me with a gift certificate to the tattoo shop where I get all my obsessive skin-art.  I haven’t gotten a tattoo since I got DLG’s name over my heart (or left titty… however you wanna look at it) a little over a year and a half ago so I’m due.

I just need to decide what I’m going to do.

I’ve narrowed the selections of what I want to get next to three choices.  Let me know which one you think I should get next.

 – “Est. 1979” across my back like this (this isn’t a very good picture and it’s not on the back… but you get the idea):

I’m leaning towards this across my back because I don’t have anything on my back yet and I think it’ll be pretty close to what I have to spend.

 – “The Hulk” on the inside of my left leg in an effort to complete my superhero leg sleeve (this one would really hurt):

 – Or Dean Yeagle’s “Mandy” on my left ribcage.  I would customize her into leaning on a baseball bat, holding a baseball and wearing some Texas Ranger gear… although I would just be able to afford the outline for the timebeing since this would be a fairly big piece:

Put in your two cents.  I might take your advice… I might not.

If you’re my mom… telling me “not to get another tattoo” isn’t a viable option.

Oh… and I’m going to see if I can get this small tattoo thrown in:

I’m not kidding…


I’ll take this opportunity to list probably the least interesting for all my readers but still feel the need to honorably display it because I read it all the time.

Baseball Time In Arlington (or BBTiA) is a very well written Texas Rangers blog.  I live, breath, sleep, eat, poop, sweat, fart and snort the Texas Rangers and this is the best fan source for anything Texas Ranger related.

If you’re a baseball fan, you don’t even have to be a TEXAS RANGER fan… you should check out this site because it is so well put together.  Click the pic of Josh Hamilton (my favorite player and man-crush) to take you there:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Someone Out There Doesn’t Like Me: Part II

And this time his name is Matt.

Several posts ago… I wrote about how I’d upset a reader because she happened to know an artist who’d given me one of my tattoos and I didn’t talk about her in the most positive light i.e. I referred to her as a whale.

So… perhaps I deserved a little bit of what I got.  I’ll admit that.  I got a little bit of my own medicine.

But on the eve of my return to blogging, I logged into the home page of my blog and after wading through the mountains of spam I’d received from my month-long hiatus… I was faced with this comment awaiting my approval in regards to the third post I’d written regarding the history of my tattoos:

I actually have the same emma frost tattoo on my forearm and i must say mine is a shit load more detailed and alot closer to the actual picture i kept the bench and the rose and the stone path as it adds some depth and doesn’t look like she is just hovering your colors are off alot just plain white is not how she looks because of the setting sun there is alot of reflected colors that were not incorporated into it your outline is ridiculously thick black my ouline. All in all fuck you for taking my original idea and getting this shitty artist to butcher it brutes why is she looking down for fucks sake!! that’s not in the picture

This is the “original idea” that Mr. Raging PMS was crying about…

… and the original photo from whence it came

So… if you’re wondering if I approved it… I did.

I wanted everyone to see what an incredible douchebag this dude is.  Through his seemingly incapable ability to formulate any kind of telligible phrase he castrates my innate ability to get a quality tattoo.  Now… this isn’t my mothers (or my sisters, or my wifes) favorite tattoo and in all honesty isn’t really mine either.  There are aspects of it that don’t capture the entirety of the original… but I outlined Matt’s complete ineptitude in my response:

I did it just to piss you off Matt. Who says you have to stick with the way the original picture actually looks? The eventual end to the whole leg piece will involve a background where everything will tie in together. Didn’t you read what I wrote or did you just look at the picture? I took out the rose and the stone path because it wouldn’t go with how my leg will end up. The line work is difficult to do on a knee because the skin stretches and makes the line look bigger than it actually is. I wasn’t aware that you wrote a rulebook on the proper way to get tattooed. Take anyone aside who has a decent amount of work done and they’re guarenteed to have some work that doesn’t quite cut it. So, sorry it doesn’t look “a shit load” better than yours but I gotta say you either gotta be real tough, really drunk or high to leave an anonymous comment directed at how one of my tattoos look. A mark of a true douchebag. Way to go.

Sometimes it’s better to keep your ideas to yourself than making yourself look like a complete jackass. 

(1) If you’re going to try and make a point… write like an intelligent idiot instead writing like you’ve just graduated 2nd grade.

(2) I can see Matt wearing his confederate flag t-shirt, hunched over his sticky keyboard writing his comment after he’s drank an entire case of Keystone light by himself because no one wants to put up with his bullshit or mullet any more.  If you’re trying to make a point… illustrate what’s wrong without making yourself appear as though you’re trying to compensate for other shortcomings you may have.

and (3) Don’t try to have a war of written words with Papa K… because he’ll always win.

My Photos | WATCH OUT!!  I could seriously collapse your skull with one kick | Papa Koenig

And I can collapse your skull with a single kick to the cranium

If anyone wants to let Matt know what they think of his extreme inability to form a complete sentence, spell the word “outline”, pick up chicks or not look like a douchebag then please be my guest and email him at: because I did. 

Oh yeah… don’t leave me your email… because I’ll make sure you get spammed.

Someone Out There Doesn’t Like Me

I think on every writer’s way to making themselves heard, and if they’re heard by enough people, they’re bound to piss someone off.

My brother, a far more AWESOME and HILARIOUS writer than me, used to write for the sports section of my hometown paper and would get irate coaches or pissed off parents scolding him for something he misquoted or kids name his misspelled.

Phillip Yancy, the author of “What’s So Amazing About Grace” (an excellent book I’m reading currently), is rather fearless in some of the questions he answers about spirituality and in turn… pisses off A LOT of people.

I’ve had disagreements and arguments as a result of some of the things I’ve written but no one has attacked me personally… up until recently.  I hadn’t been so “lucky” as to have someone write something oozing with hatred for me. 

If stirring the pot is indeed part of becoming a (somewhat) successful writer… then I guess I’m on my way!

Back before I changed to my current “Hands To War” blog… I was at “Virtual Hugs”.  I changed because I wanted a new start and quite frankly… the name “Virtual Hugs” was starting to just sound a little too sissy for me.  I still check Virtual Hugs from time to time to see what kind of attention it’s getting despite the fact it hasn’t been actively updated for a while.

The other day, I had two new comments on Virtual Hugs that needed to be moderated.  If you’re not a blog writer, then this means “someone new” has posted a comment about something you’ve written.  The comments were in response to an old post I’d written almost a year ago as part of a series I’d written about my tattoos and what they meant.  Felicia had this to say about my post:

Wow. You’re a jerk. I know the “dragon lady” and her “dragon man” very well . They are really kind people oh and before you talk about peoples “weight problem” you should take a look in the mirror you’re not that great yourself. I hope you’re tattoo fades. Rude ass.

Apparently she thought of some other things to say because she made a second comment:

Oh not only that how lame could you be? A blog about your tattoos. Puhlease you do not have works of art. Oh and congrats on the nautical star you’re like so original. Typical douche tattoo.

Of course, you’ll need to read this to know what she’s referring to when talking about the “dragon lady” and her “dragon man”.  Basically, the lady that gave me the tattoo was rather large as was her husband.  While, I admit, I probably could have omitted the part about how large they were, it still didn’t take away from the fact that (a) she did a great job on the lettering, (b) she did a crappy job on the crown (c) I got the tattoo in a double-wide trailer, and (d) I was understandably nervous at my surroundings.

I responded to her comments:

Hey Felicia, you’re right… I’m not that great myself… never claimed to be. I also never doubted that the dragon lady and dragon man are very kind people. The fact that dragon lady was so large has nothing to do with the fact she was a nice person.

Fact of the matter is… this is my forum to write and I can write about whatever the hell I want to write about. So if you don’t like it… don’t read it.

This is my old blog BTW. If you wanna make more hateful comments on my current stuff go to

I’m guessing she was upset that I called the dragon lady and her husband “whales”… that is a derogatory comment and for that I apologize.  Perhaps I should have called them “gigantic”.  I’m sure if you asked them they would agree with me!  It certainly didn’t seem like they were in any hurry to lose weight judging by the way her husband lounged behind an empty pizza box and gnawed on Cheetos while watching “The Last Samurai”.

The dragon lady looked nothing like this… but she did tattoo me with a sword… okay maybe not… nothing in this picture represents my tattoo from her at all come to think of it

I certainly am not one to judge people and their problems because I have plenty of OCD, anxiety and depression problems that I skewer myself with often but I was just explaining things in my post “as I saw it”.  My impressions of their location and their physical appearance had nothing to do with the job she did or the kind of person she is.  Dragon Lady was indeed very nice as was her husband.  I have no problem with them as people and I’m sure they deal with their own demons as we all do every day.  But the fact remains, I wouldn’t recommend her if you wanted to get a tattoo and I would recommend her to move her shop out of her double wide and work on eating a little healthier if she wants to build her business.  I’m sure they’d both feel a lot better about themselves.  That’s not judging… it’s the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.

Also… while a nautical star tattoo may not be particularly unique, I don’t think it completely classifies me as a douche.  She obviously didn’t read the most recent post about all my newer tattoos either because they are decidedly unique and “non-douchey”.

The true mark of a douchebag I suppose

Okay… I’m done.

My Tattoos: What They Mean And The Stories Behind Them: Part 3

Part 1 HERE

Part 2 HERE

Number 9:  I always liked the idea of having a pin-up tattoo, but wanted to incorporate my wife into it somehow.  So I simply found a pin-up photo I liked and substituted Bunny’s face. Unfortunately, when dealing with facial features, it’s hard to represent what you’re trying to convey on a tattoo of the size I chose.  Now, if I had gotten a pin-up tattoo covering my entire back, some of the smaller idiosyncrasies of Bunny’s face would make it clearer who I was trying to represent… but the artist who I chose to accept the challenge of permanently inking my wife’s face on the body of a pin-up did an acceptable job. 

After dealing with the dragon lady, her mammoth husband and their fantastic double-wide trailer in getting my last name tattooed on the back of my arm… I decided to go elsewhere to get this more intricate tattoo.  I came across this artist in the Paseo district of Oklahoma City who came with a fairly impressive resume known as “Rodney”.

He is probably the most slow-moving-yet-genuinely-interested-in-the-details artist I’ve ever gone to.  It took him forever to complete the tattoo and the end result I felt was somewhat depleted by the aspect he was TOO careful in making it look real.  The skin colored ink was exactly that: the color of my skin.  So… with a tattoo of a girl in lingerie it looked like some red stockings, a teddy and some eyeballs.  It wasn’t until my follow-up appointment that I convinced him to outline the body parts that were almost the same color as my skin.

If I had it to do over again, I would probably go with something a little more cartoonish that way the lines in her face would be a little more defined and so much detail wouldn’t have been spent making it look “real” as opposed to looking sharp and having it “jump” off my arm.

Tattoo before the outline was done around the flesh tone…

and the tattoo after the outlining…

Total cost: $350

Number 10:  I went back to the same artist for this one despite my concerns with the way the pin-up had turned out and I was glad I did.

Some artists deal better with certain bits of art over others and when it came to this tattoo, Rodney did not disappoint.  The lines are harder, the colors are brighter, there’s not as much shadowing and the tattoo does indeed “jump” of my arm.

I always had a fascination with “Mom” tattoos.  People have been giving props to their mom’s for years with tattoos and I thought my mother should be so honored.  I decided to stray away from the typical heart that says “mom” on it with an arrow through the heart.  But rather, have “mom” on a heart with wings on the heart… because my mom is indeed… an angel.  Probably a saint in fact.

I added “dad” on a hammer because my father has worked by the sweat of his brow for everything in his life, built our childhood home and dedicated 35 years of his life to an oil company from which he is now retired.  Aside from the work aspect… he is also a tireless man, hell-bent on having things his way and tries to control everything he’s involved with.  I thought a hammer best represented him.

When Rodney was done with this especially tender area to get a tattoo, I was extremely pleased… elated in fact.  It’s positioned on my arm perfectly and is completely symmetrical. 

My mother didn’t know what to think.

Total cost: $250

Tattoos 11-16:  Since I probably won’t be able to get an arm sleeve anytime soon due to the restraints most work environments put on you to keep tattoos covered… I decided I would begin the long and arduous process of getting a leg sleeve.

I’m a big fan of the Marvel superhero movies (Spiderman, X-Men, Fantastic Four, etc.) and started to become interested in the artwork of these characters.  Despite not having a history behind any other these superheroes, I decided that having the coolest characters represented in my leg sleeve would make one damn cool tattoo.

Unfortunately, Rodney moved so I was left without an artist once again.  Believe it or not, tattooing finally got completely legalized in Oklahoma around this time (Ridiculous? I know.) so I found a guy through a heavily tattooed friend of mine from the gym.  His name was Curtis and he gladly accepted this challenge because a full leg sleeve means big money over a length of time since it takes a while and depends on the recipients’ cash flow.

I went with some of my more favorite characters and some that would translate the best into a tattoo.  I finalized the first six as Spiderman, Human Torch, Gambit, Ms. Marvel, Nightcrawler and Emma Frost.

This sleeve is still a work in progress.  Currently I number these tattoos as numbers “11-16” when in fact it will eventually all be “one” tattoo because once all the characters are complete… a background will blend them all together.  While I have all my current characters completely finished I plan on getting at least two more superheroes (probably Hulk and Wolverine… maybe Iron Man) before beginning the background which will more than likely be a burning city.

Spiderman and Nightcrawler before color…

Spiderman after getting colored…


… and Nightcrawler after getting colored.

Gambit before coloring…

Gambit after coloring (hurt like a beeeeooottcch!!).

Ms. Marvel before color…

Ms. Marvel after color…

Emma Frost before color…

… and Emma Frost after color.  Just so you know… this is Bunny’s least favorite tattoo. 


But when you look at the stricking similarity between what I was going for and what he put on my knee… you have to admit he did good work.

Finally the Human Torch… I unfortunately don’t have a pre-color picture of him.  He is really probably my favorite just because of how brilliant the colors are.

Total running cost to date: $1500

More recently, when Daddy’s Little Girl was born, I deviated from my superhero tattoos, dipped into the savings and shelled out $260 on her name over my heart.  That would be tattoo number 17.

Now you know Daddy’s Little Girl’s real name… I’ll have to kill you now…

As having the “sickness” to believe that the ultimate form of respect is to get a symbol of someone close to you forever tattooed on yourself… it was the utmost logical thing to do in my mind.  I didn’t give it a second thought.  I even placed it a little closer to my collarbone so I’d have room to place more names under it… when that time comes.

Total running cost of all tattoos: $2900 which is equal to a nice 55” television or a new matching sofa and loveseat or about 1850 cans of AMP Energy Drink… however you wanna look at it.

I don’t spend money on a lot of things… but spending money set aside for myself usually involves getting myself bludgeoned with a tiny needle millions of times until the end result is something permanently placed into my epidermis. 

So… that’s all my tattoos.  They won’t be my last (sorry mom!).  If there’s one thing I can tell you, don’t believe that you’re ever going to get “just one”… because it’s awfully hard to stop.

Happy tattooing folks!

Chicken Legs

I’ve been told I could wear small brassiere.  My two brothers and I have all been blessed with large pectorals.  Even before I started working out I had a pretty nice chest set-up.  But what I have in chest circumference… I lose in calves. 

I have chicken legs.

Real unedited photo of my legs.

This is partly why I started tattooing my left leg because the idea was to create an illusion that there was something there hiding behind the tattoos.  To a certain extent I think it hides it a little… but a nice tree trunk of a calf would make things remarkably better.

If you smarties are out there saying, “Well… why don’t you just work them out you big dummy?” The answer to that question is, “I did.  I did.  I did.”

It is no secret that I enjoy working out my upper body far much more than my lower body… but there was time when I really tried hard to expand the real estate around my calf area.  It just did not happen.

I believe I’m just always destined to have skinny calves.

At least I’m not stuck having to try and hide something on my face:

Such a friendly looking freaky dude.