Tag Archives: Science

If You’re A Bad Tipper, Then Your Genetics Suck


Thanks for the service. Now... go buy yourself a nice box of crayons.

Waiting tables, at times, can be a harrowing experience if you wind up servicing an individual who seems to think that they created the Universe. Almost undoubtedly, no matter how well you service this douche… you’re going to get a crappy tip.

Until just recently, all waiters have been able to wish their bad tipper will contract a hideous flesh-eating disease shortly upon their departure. Now, with the release of this article it seems that if your a waiter whose left a 2% tip then you may have to look at them with Michael Landon eyes instead.

I feel... so sorry for you and your tipping defect...

It seems that researchers who have nothing better to do than figure out why some people give shitty tips came to find out that “generosity is built into human nature and isn’t solely a result of social pressure.”

So basically, if you’re an asshole in real life then you’re going to be an asshole tipper. But that’s okay… because you’re a genetic asshole.

I have an incredible amout of respect for those individuals who respect their waiter (within reason). In fact, I think it shows what kind of person you are in the way you treat and tip wait staff.

What do you think?

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Enjoy some more of my stuff at www.JoeCrazy.com. My most recent piece: Top Five Questions to Ask Before Getting Your Tattoo

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When Is Science Going To Bring Mannequins To Life?


Anyone ever seen the movie Mannequin?

If you haven’t then consider yourself lucky.

It happens to be one of my wifes favorite movies and every time we happen upon it while channel surfing she demands we watch it despite my groans of agony. 

In the movie, a female mannequin comes to life and the clerk involved in arranging her in the department store window falls in love with her.  “Hilarity” ensues.

It’s all fine and good but I dislike the movie because it gives certain individuals an unrealitic view on a time where, through science, we will be able to bring mannequins to life.  It’s not fun to toy with people’s emotions like that. 

While the mannequin in the movie was a semi-attractive one, there are some mannequins that would scare the partially digested BLT right out of me if they came alive.  You know the ones I’m talking about.

Or

Or

What’s up with that?  Are these mannequins with half a head or no face a product of department stores that can’t afford the rest of the head and/or face?

Anyway, while most mannequins are pretty creepy, there are a few who warrant some sort of futuristic plasma ray gun that brings them to life.  Like this one:

Bunny, DLG and I were in Miami last year going in and out of souvenir shops when we happened upon a shop that had nothing but extremely realistic looking female mannequins.  Well… perhaps I should say they were realistic looking “erotic swimsuit models with unnatural enhancements” mannequins.

It was a little shocking and I had to stop myself from staring.  I had to look away because I thought I might get beat up by the mannequins boyfriend once she tells him how much I stared at her.  This is of course after he’s brought to life through the miracle of science in probably another year or so.

I quickly arrived that we were in Miami and that there’s really no way for an enraged mannequin-boyfriend-just-brought-to-life to find out where I live in a years time.  So I did this:

Yes.  I’m five.

It’s been a year and I haven’t had a silver-faced dude with the upper half of his head sliced off knocking at my door yet so I assume I’m in the clear. 

In closing I… wait a minute… there’s someone at the door.  OH HOLY SH…………………………….

helllo mynam is bret and i am a mannequin brot to lif throo the miracle of sients i jst smashd papa k face wit a larg steel beem becaz he exposd my grlfrend boob last yeer let this b a warnng to al of yoo to stay awa from my grlfrend

sory its hrd fr me to tipe becaz the top haf of my hed is slised off,,,,,