A Little Papa K History

Hi. I’m Papa K and I’m a (self-proclaimed) awesome blogger.

Welcome.

“Waaaaaazzzzzzzuuuuuuuup”

This blog has been many things. It has tried to find its space in the vast, expansive internets where so many other blogs and websites have dreamed of being frequented by more than a million viewers a day… only to have their dreams smashed all over the hot pavement once they realized how much work it was.

It has been a blog where I’ve poured my heart out about fatherhood and posted articles about farting. I’ve written about baseball and rated celebrities on a scale of 1 – 10 on how hot they are. I’ve ranted about “Sister Wives” and truck balls. I’ve tried to fight the system by writing about whatever the hell I wanted to write about and have success on the internet.

Alas… I failed.

So I took a break. I watched some TV. Tried to make another baby with my wife. Played some softball. Tried to make another baby with my wife. Lost some weight. Failed at making another baby with my wife because my sperm are all assholes. Wrote some articles for money. Learned a little about the business of internet blogging success. Reinvented myself.

“Who is Papa K” is no longer a project trying to overcome the overwhelming cards stacked against me in an effort to make my blog on “whatever the hell I wanna write about” a success. “Who is Papa K” will still have the effortless flair I add to every post (with the occasional fart joke or boob worship) but will be more centered on current events taken from a point of view seen by no one else: mine.

I may seem calm and sedated outwardly, but when I write I tend to let my emotions go and throw caution to the ever-loving wind. I’m looking forward to adding my two bits to the internet where it never goes away and may come back to haunt me when I’m old, decrepid and begging for God to grant me 10 seconds to stand up without crumbling into a dust heap.

I hope you will read. I hope you will challenge me, agree with me and most of all… enjoy reading me.

Who is Papa K? Read on and find out….

Papa K is definitely not this guy…

Some things you should know about Papa K:

 – My daughter, without a doubt, is the most beautiful child on the planet and I love her endlessly

 – I love my wife and her gorgeous boobs and ba-donk-a-donk

 –  I’m Catholic… which leads me to the next thing you should know about me:

 – I enjoy GOOD beer… not domestic crap

 – Brooklyn Decker is my celebrity crush

 –  I got food poisoning the night before I was supposed to get married

 – I pretty much like everyone unless they’re just a complete dumbass idiot

 – I used to eat my boogers

 – I really have to hold myself back from buying too much autographed memorabilia

 – I have about 17 tattoos

 – Jon Lovitz is the most famous person I’ve ever met

 – When I take pictures with my wife I just look like such a tool standing next to her

 – I suffer from depression and OCD

  – I LOVE Texas Ranger baseball, Josh Hamilton is my favorite player

 – I used to be buff

 –  I’m a movie buff

 – I like to use “…” alot when I’m writing

 –  I used to have what looked like a swollen tick in my belly button until I was about 17 years old when I finally had it surgically removed

 – I breastfed until after the age of one

 – I cried in Disneys “Tarzan”

Behind every good, awesome, incredibly handsome man stands a much more attractive woman… I am no different.

There is so much I can say about my beautiful wife… and already have: here, here, here and here. She is my best friend, lover, life-partner, inspiration for a few posts now and then and (every once and a while) “that hot french maid”

This is not our maid… this is really my wife…

For the sake of her protection against the hoards of drooling men out there waiting to stalk her, I choose to identify her only as “Bunny” if she’s mentioned in posts, as in “Playboy Bunny”. I don’t think there is a better set of b00bs on the planet (you may find this sentiment repeated several times in this blog… sorry… it’s just true!).

Here are some other tidbits about Bunny:

– We moved recently because her closet was too small

– Has a designer jean addiction

– Is completely uncoordinated

– Accidentally set her robe on fire once… while she was wearing it

– Likes getting dizzy

– Has the whitest teeth and doesn’t have to work for it

– Can work that booty

– Wants to skydive

– Right before I tell the punchline of a joke right after a long lead-in… she steals my thunder and tells the punchline

– Doesn’t like baseball… but I’m working on that

High on life… and high above the streets of Chicago…

 

Lastly, I have a penchant for mentioning my daughter, I call her “DLG”: Daddy’s Little Girl.

There’s not much to say… I mean look at her!! She’s freakin’ gorgeous!!

More on how much I love this kid here, here and here.

I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that I helped create her.

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22 responses to “A Little Papa K History

  1. Pingback: Welcome to “Hands To War” « Hands To War

  2. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    What’s the matter with Scarlett’s lips??? It looks like they’re melting.

    Who are the runner-up favorite actresses #2 & 3?

    Is that John Malcovich? (it’s kind of blurry)

    Middle guy “least fave actor”? (why don’t you like Christian Slater?)

    Last guy on runner up favorite comedians? And the guy with the pipe..I forgot his name (other than “hot pockets”)

    runnersup for least favorite comedians? I know the first one, but can’t think of his name.

    Jim Carey doesn’t make your fave comedian, but he looks good in a tutu.

    Not that I care, but the two beer photos never did download.

    All told, this was interesting. No end of things I find out about you on your blog.

    • chriskoenig4324

      Mom…
      Nothings wrong with her lips… they’re big and pouty… nothing wrong with that
      Runner up #2 – Megan Fox (of Transformers fame) Runner up #3 – Isla Fisher (married to Borat… funny lady)
      Yes… that’s John Malcovich
      Middle guy… DANE COOK=horrible actor
      Last guy is Zach Galafinakis… was in a movie called “The Hangover”… guy with the pipe is Jim Gaffigan
      Surprised you don’t know the first least favorite comedian… it’s Bill Maher: athiest comedian, 2nd least is Bobcat Golthwait, last is Kathy Griffin
      I think that answers all you questions!! You ask a lot of them.

      • alright dude, i have always respected you and your choice, but i’m gonna have to throw a penalty flag for the christian bale love! now, i know you love super heros and stuff. but he almost ruined batman, (thank god for heath ledger’s masterful performance as the joker. but i can hardly respect a super hero with a lisp!!!! i mean come on man

        • chriskoenig4324

          I wasn’t crazy of Christian Bale as Batman either actually. But… every other movie he’s been in has been great.

          BTW – thanks for reading man… it’s really cool of you

          • Okay, so I’m just seeing this blog for the first time and I think it’s pretty cool. I know these responses were in Jan and between your Mom and you, but Christian Bale??? Come on!!! Used to think he was hot, still kinda do,but Batman ruined him (and prlly made him a bunch of $$). Now I just watch the movies he puts out (because he’s hot) and laugh cause he can’t stop the “batman” accent. He sounds like he has a frog in his throat. I wonder if he talks like daily now??

            • Hi Bethany… thanks for reading. PLease continue to come back even though I like Christian Bale for his acting ability. If you haven’t seen the machinist… then you’ll know why I think he’s a rad actor. Really cool in that movie.

  3. Christian Bale’s head looks way too big for his body in the picture.

    And that’s all I have to say about that.

  4. Mollien (Mom) Koenig

    You didn’t tell me why you don’t like Christian Slater!! Haha…never mind.

    I just couldn’t think of Bill Maher’s name. I do know who he is, and can’t stand him.

    As to Scarlett’s lips….if you both were standing on the top of a mountain, and you kissed her, you would slip right off and fall to your death. Not good.

  5. you all might be the funniest family around. that’s all i needed to say.

  6. Dude,

    Thanks for the invite. I am looking for good blogs to read and this looks like one. I saw your parents this weekend made me think about wanting to see you and the family again.

    Let lock this down and actually get together for dinner.

    Peace brother…

    • Thanks Joe… appreciate the readership and “yes” we do need to get together soon… I’ll get with you to lock something down soon…

  7. Hi,

    We’ve browsed through your reviews and thought that they are really original and interesting! We would like to invite you to publish your reviews on 7tavern.com, which provides an alternative platform for promising movie reviewers to showcase their talents. In addition, you’ll find a growing community of bloggers who share the same passion for excellent movies! Based on the merit of your reviews, we believe that you would be an exceptional addition to our community.

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  8. Hi, good day. Wonderful post. You have gained a new subscriber. Pleasee continue this great work and I look forward to more of your great blog posts.

  9. i enjoy reading your blog, it has entertained me several evenings. thanks Chris!

  10. hey, just found you. Been reading Sage a LOOONG time off and on, popped over to hot dads and you caught my eye…then i say the tat post and i was hooked. Is there a post here that shows your 17 , or is it 18 now, tats? i’d love to see them. You are a hottie! Lucky Lady, your wife! and i am a sucker for a man with tats and attitude. thought i’d say HI…so HI !
    xox
    holly

  11. ok, dont know if it matters but aparenty this late at night i cant type my own email so…i fixed it and commented again 🙂

    i do try to be accomodating when possible!

  12. Ha ha, dude… love your attitude! Especially your things you should know about me list! I recently started writing things down too (as you say its therapeutic). Finally started putting them in wordpress so they weren’t all scattered about in word files on my pc. Best of luck with your blog and keep up the good work!

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