Hide Yo Kids… Doug Hutchison Is Creepin’!

51- year-old character actor Doug Hutchinson recently hoped to expand our minds when he decided he wanted to stop being seen as “that guy who looks like he’s going to murder you with an axe” and instead be seen as a loving, caring individual who believes love has no boundaries. He accomplished this by marrying a 16-year-old (at least we’re made to believe she’s 16) aspiring contry singer named (Courtney) Alexis Stodden. 

Doug Hutchinson is creepy. Not just because of his most recent marital situation, but because of his face:

If you’d asked me who Doug Hutchinson was a month ago, I wouldn’t have known who you were talking about right away. If you’d have told me, “He’s that creepy dude from The Green Mile!” Then I would have said, “Oh yeah! That guy who is always looking like he’s going to murder the world as he stares at you from underneath his protruding brow!”


Perhaps age is “just a number”. It seems these days old dudes can now climb Mount Everest and old grandmas can give birth to twins so why can’t a man marry a 16 year-old girl who is 35 years younger than he is! Oh yeah, wait… did I mention she looks like this:


Let me guess what you’re asking yourself right now: “So, you’re telling me that this:

Plus this:

Equals this?”:

Yes. Yes that’s exactly what I’m telling you.

While I don’t advocate that love can’t be found between three and a half decades of age difference and the mere fact that the man happens to look as though this face was run over by the San Francisco 49ers but, you have to admit… this is just a tad creepy.

As you can see in the video below, what would even possess a man 35 years old her senior to put up with her annoying cackle of a laugh and obvious lack of life experience other than the fact she’s perhaps an automatonic Barbie robot he built in his mad scientist basement.

“What we’re here to do is touch each other and love each other the best we can.”


Well… who am I to argue with God. I guess they really do love each other.

What do you guys think? Creepy or is this legitimate (I’m trying not to laugh) love.


8 responses to “Hide Yo Kids… Doug Hutchison Is Creepin’!

  1. W. T. F.

  2. I honestly think it is just a publicity stunt. They wanted to be in the forefront of the news, and they have accomplished their goal.

  3. Ok so I am 5 years older than my sportsman
    but I think a decade is too freakin much
    hello someone is using someone in this situation
    don’t cha think?

  4. Maybe they like to do something that others wouldn’t do? 😉

  5. Hey you’re back! Good to see you again. Yeah, that is a bit creepy. But is she really 16? I don’t remember 16yo’s looking like that.

  6. 16? I thought she looked 30 at least . . . that girl has spent too much time under the tanning bed.

    Still, they seem like a bit of an oddly matched couple until you remember what biologically and subconsciously motivates people to marry. Women seek security (often financial), and men seek hot women (the “fertile” chicks). So, perhaps a match made in biological impulses?

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