That’s how much more money I’m going to contribute to the The Make-A-Wish Foundation because of YOUR comments! I quite honestly was somewhat stunned that so many people responded to my request. For once I actually felt like a well read blogger! In celebration of the “almost 100 comment” mark… I’m going to go ahead and round-up my extra pledge to a clean hundred.
Thus concludes the first Papa K comment drive. Now… I can get back to being an idiot.
It’s been nice taking a break. It’s not completely over (as I’m planning on coming back full force after the New Year)… but I would be a complete douche if I didn’t wish all of you a Merry Christmas.
Some things I’ve done on my bloggy break.
– Taken DLG to see Santa a freakin’ ridiculous amount of times:
– I got five stitches on my chin (in a most unusual way… blog post coming on that experience):
– I turned 31:
My wife knows what I like: boobs. Especially boobs made of cake.
– DLG got her nails did:
– I wrote perhaps the most hateful, venomous letter to anyone I’ve ever written or thought I was capable of writing:
This has nothing to do with the letter… I just thought it was hilarious.
So… now that we’re all caught up I want to take the opportunity to wish you “Merry Christmas” again and if you don’t have a tradition of reading “The Night Before Christmas” then allow me to let DLG read it to you:
I’m on the verge of taking a small hiatus from blogging to fine tune my writing and perhaps upgrade a few aspects of this here blog… so stay tuned.
In the meantime… let’s take a trip down memory lane shall we…
I wrote this last Christmas. I think it’s funny. You decide.
————————————————————————————-
It’s Christmas again and once again we’re bombarded with Christmas music. Have you ever really listened to the Christmas song “I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus”? Allow me to indulge you for a moment:
Christmas toys all over the place
Little Shelby wears a funny smile on his face
Shelby has a secret
And the secret he must share
He wants to tell somebody
So he tells his teddy bear I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn’t see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then, I saw Mama tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mama kissing Santa Claus last night
Okay… so… this song was written in 1952… times were much more innocent back then. I realize that “Santa Claus” is probably “Daddy” dressed up as Santa but if you are to take this song literally… it makes this whole situation seem ripe for the Jerry Springer show.
First of all, if you don’t realize the playful nature of this song and that Shelby is probably just peeking in on his dad and mom kissing under the mistletoe you might accidentally think that Mama is cheating on Daddy with this old, fat, hairy bastard.
Santa should never be trusted to be alone with your wife
Despite the fact that this song was written over 50 years ago… there’s still something deeply disturbing about it! All of us listening to it might say, “Oh! Ha, I get it!! Shelby is actually just seeing his Dad and Mom have a sweet Christmas Eve kiss! He’s just misunderstanding what’s really going on! How cute!”
Well let me tell you something people… Shelby actually thinks his Mom is getting it on with SANTA CLAUS while Daddy is (more than likely) asleep!! And he thinks Daddy would have laughed about it!! I’ll tell you what I would have done if I had gotten out of bed to find my wife mugging down and “tickling the beard” of some random fat dude in our house… I’d have collapsed his frontal lobe with the nearest blunt object I could find.
What happens after Shelby creeps back to bed? Does he lay there and worry about if he should tell Daddy or not? Does he pray that his Mom and Dad don’t get divorced because Dad can’t “clean her chimney” like Santa can? Does he cover his head with his pillow to muffle the sound of Santa’s “Ho-Ho-Ho’s” and Mama’s “Oh-oh-oh’s”?
What kind of light does this song shed on Santa? It makes him sound like a real slut. He gets one night a year away from Mrs. Claus and apparently he takes the opportunity to get his game on. Mrs. Claus thinks he’s off spreading good will. Well… I’m here to tell you Mrs. Claus that that’s not the only thing he’s spreading.
Anyway… I think the song is a little dated for where our world is at this point in time. Santa should stick with gifts and stockings… not Mama’s fun bags.
Santa’s been pulling the wool (in more ways than one) over our eyes for years…
It’s always so hard to face the New Year because so much time, effort and excitement is put towards Christmas… so that when it’s over… you haven’t got anything to look forward to anymore. There’s always those “New Years Celebrations”… but those are just an excuse for most people to drink alot of rubbing alcohol and gasoline. I guess there’s Valentines day… but that’s just not the same. Then you’ve got “New Years Resolutions”… which are usually forgotten by mid-March or so (an upcoming post on my New Years resolutions is coming). So there’s really not much to look forward to until next Christmas.
But… it was an awesome Christmas… full of fun, laughter and… well… snow actually…
View from the front porch…
We quite literally got snowed in for Christmas. It was the craziest amount of snow I’ve seen in Oklahoma in quite some time. For once… the Oklahoma weathermen actually got a forecast right!! When the storm hit… I was working (on Christmas Eve mind you) and had to drive home in it. It took me two hours to get home from my work which is about 10 miles away.
And I was one of the lucky few who didn’t wind up like this…
But… a nice white Christmas added to the Christmas feel for when Santa came and laid out all the presents for our household.
Earlier in the week when we spotted Santa coming out of a local strip joint. He smelled like cheese fries and booze but DLG didn’t seem to mind.
He’s actually lucky he didn’t his cranium split in half with my baseball bat because when I heard his fat ass squeezing through our chimney at 3AM I thought someone was breaking into the house.
Daddy’s Little Girl’s presents…
Bunny’s presents…
My presents…
DLG had been through one Christmas already… but was only about 5 months old and could really care less. This time… I think she got the idea…
She loves her princess chair/bed.
She also loved her little kitchen complete with all the accessories. She’s right where a little lady belongs… in the kitchen. FYI – that was a joke… I’m totally kidding.
If you read this post… you’ll know that I showered Bunny with gifts this year. Probably more than I ever have. I don’t really know why.
Wait.. oh yeah… because I love her. And she’s hot.
Bunny displaying her favortie gift of the crapload I bought. Let me just say… I ain’t gay or nothin’ but I can pick out some SHOES!
… and they’re the right size!! Damn I’m good…
I got some good stuff too… nothing to eventually trade for a wallpaper job but good stuff nonetheless. I got this from Bunny for the Wii we bought several days ago:
I freakin’ love it. It’s an awesome game. I know we’re centuries behind everyone because we just now got a Wii… but I guess I’m just catching up.
It’s almost as much fun to watch Bunny play the game as it is to actually play it:
I’ve never laughed so hard.
And she bought me this:
I’m reading it currently and I fully expect, that when I’m done with it, to be bigger than Google. Don’t worry… I won’t forget about you guys: The Little People… who are going to help get me to the top of blogosphere.
After the Christmas presents were opened I unfortunatly was unable to throw this giant snowball on Bunny while she took a shower:
So I ate it instead.
And we eventually had to brave the snow and ice to take our nice warm butts up the road to Bunny’s grandma’s house for Christmas.
The two most beautiful girls this Earth has to offer… it doesn’t get much better.
DLG also got to experience the phenomenon known as “snow”‘ for the first time… and thought it was delicious.
If there’s one thing she has to learn: stay away from yellow snow.
Despite it being a white Christmas and the fun involved in introducing DLG to it and the sheer excitement you get from looking out the window at something different… it did have it’s downside. It prevented us from being able to see my family as they live a good 2 1/2 hours away when there’s no snow! But… once the snow and ice clears… we’ll have a delayed Christmas with those beloved folks.
All in all… it was a great one. I look forward to many more in the future with my little family. I hope you and yours all had a good one as well.
Remember though… even though it’s nice to get “stuff”… it’s never more valuable than those you get to spend Christmas with:
Have you ever really listened to the Christmas song “I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus”? Allow me to indulge you for a moment:
Christmas toys all over the place
Little Shelby wears a funny smile on his face
Shelby has a secret
And the secret he must share
He wants to tell somebody
So he tells his teddy bear I saw Mama kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn’t see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then, I saw Mama tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mama kissing Santa Claus last night
Okay… so… this song was written in 1952… times were much more innocent back then. I realize that “Santa Claus” is probably “Daddy” dressed up as Santa but if you are to take this song literally… it makes this whole situation seem a little jacked up.
First of all, if you don’t realize the playful nature of this song and that Shelby is probably just peeking in on his dad and mom kissing under the mistletoe you might accidentally think that Mama is cheating on Daddy with this old, fat, hairy bastard.
Santa should not be trusted
Despite the fact that this song was written over 50 years ago… there’s still something deeply disturbing about it. All of us listening to it might say, “Oh! Ha, I get it!! Shelby is actually just seeing his Dad and Mom have a sweet Christmas Eve kiss! He’s just misunderstanding what’s really going on! How cute!”
Well let me tell you something people… Shelby actually thinks his Mom is getting it on with SANTA CLAUS while Daddy is (more than likely) asleep!! And he thinks Daddy would have laughed about it!! I’ll tell you what I would have done if I had gotten out of bed to find my wife mugging down and “tickling the beard” of some random fat dude in our house… I’d have collapsed his frontal lobe with the nearest blunt object I could find.
What happens after Shelby creeps back to bed? Does he lay there and worry about if he should tell Daddy or not? Does he pray that his Mom and Dad don’t get divorced because Dad can’t “clean her chimney” like Santa can? Does he cover his head with his pillow to muffle the sound of Santa’s “Ho-Ho-Ho’s” and Mama’s “Oh-oh-oh’s”?
What kind of light does this song shed on Santa? It makes him sound like a real slut. He gets one night a year away from Mrs. Claus and apparently he takes the opportunity to get his game on. Mrs. Claus thinks he’s off spreading good will towards men… when he’s actually spreading the legs of housewives on the “naughty list”.
Oooooooh. I think I just went too far.
Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. I was just being frank with you.
Anyway… I think the song is a little dated for where our world is at this point in time. Santa should stick with gifts and stockings… not Mama’s fun bags.
Santa’s been pulling the wool (in more ways than one) over our eyes for years…
Papa K is a (self proclaimed) internet sensation, hell bent on blowing your mind and pulling the weeds in your garden before you even have a chance to breath. Read what he reaps, take to heart what he sows and for God's sake put on some deodorant.
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